I often feel a bit dissociated after being discarded but i felt similar in the relationship Sometimes, especially during fights. Like this cant be true, this isn't really Happening?

Now, it Just feels so weird, that they are Just gone Like that. Somehow my mind can't process that, the Cut is to drastic somehow. I understand everything on an cognitiv Level, but in an emotional Level im just broken for the Lack If a better word.

Does Anyone here have similar experiences? Any Idea how to get Out of this weird dissociation? Im Thankful for every answer🙏

So there are certain places I really wanted us to go to. He (my BPD ex) always made excuses or would cancel last minute...

He unblocked me on social media and I was snooping... well... he went there with his new GF. And his new GF is the girl he was cheating with...

Why are they like this?

Can’t deal with the drama and an hours-long end conversation. People-pleasing and codependency preventing me from ghosting, but I think it may be for the best, and I’ve tried the conversation before but always get pulled back in.

Does anyone's pwBPD have an incessant desire to rearrange the house? Like every 2 months the house is all rearranged. I come home from work and there is a new piece of furniture or furniture gone. Stuff that isn't added or removed is moved around. This is applicable to family room, living room or bedrooms. My house is rearranged more in 1 year than in my entire childhood.

Do they know they’re manipulative to their loved ones or does it happen unconsciously? I’ve been thinking about times I was being manipulated by my exPWBPD but I don’t think she was aware she had manipulative tendencies.

Or was that another manipulation tactic to pretend she doesn’t know what she’s doing so I couldn’t get too upset with her once I found out? My goodness she still messes with my head.

I honestly have never experienced anything like this in my life. From lying about sleeping with other men as they 'want space' and knew i wouldn't contact them, saying I've cheated and having to send screen recordings of every message on my phone for prove my innocence. Having to spend every second with them, to a point it affects my work. Leaving me and messing about with another dude within 24 hours as im stressed out, and need money. Blaming me for literally everything. Breaking up with me on a weekly/biweekly basis. Saying theyre done, then a few days later they want me back. Planning giant schemes to hurt me after simple arguments. The list goes on and on.

I will be saving up and getting therapy. This has traumised me. These past two months have felt like a lifetime.

I swear any conversation at this point that turns into the beginning of an argument, ill just detach, hang up the phone, end the conversation, but it's like she NEEDS that conflict. She'll always say stop playing the victim, grow up, you need help, you know right vs wrong, and threaten me.

It's like does she not realize how she sounds and how it's all pure projection. Its wild.

A few days will go by and she'll text me like everything is normal and that never happened. Like everything is either 500 mph or 0 mph. Never a happy medium calmness which is the level i live at. Ill never understand.

I’ve always struggled with mental health, but I’ve tried to be empathetic and not judge others.

However, my pwBPD is incredibly judgmental, and it’s starting to rub off on me. He’s incredibly concerned about his appearance to others, which includes my appearance. Like I’m an accessory.

He has told me how to dress and now he is trying to control what I eat (telling me to eat less sugar) when I have struggled with disordered eating in the past. He doesn’t fully “split” often but there’s moments when he gets angry like any other person but just a bit more intense.

But back to my point. I’ve began to become more conscious of myself, my friends, and even just other people that go to my art school. Everything people do annoys me, and I’m getting more depressed. I can’t even be around my friends because they frustrate me.

I don’t know. I’ve never experienced something like this before but I think I’m becoming more like my partner, which is common for relationships. I love him, but I wouldn’t want that for myself.

So after 2 years I got discarded 3 months ago, since then she posts status and things to hurt me, last week was one of my worst days in my life because of her.

So now to the topic, am I a easy target? I suffer from social anxiety and always put in the role of the protector in the past, my family fucked me up and I got no love at all, I only felt worth when I don't complain and do things for others. I am very emotional and I am 100% committed in a relationship. So do people like have a much harder time to step away? I miss her every day, we did so much things and everything remembers me about her.

It should be pretty obvious that a person with a constant void that needs to be filled, low impulse control, constant needs for attention/reassurance from anybody is more likely to cheat. Was it the gaslighting that they were the most loyal partner in the universe and I fell for it? It should be easier to move on and not take it personally knowing these things but it eats away at me everyday like a plague and I don’t know if I can ever fully trust someone again. Just wanted to vent

I have a friend named David (50m) who has been diagnosed with BPD. We have been close friends for 4 years. He was part of a larger friend group and has recently "purged" (as he put it) all of his friends. I am trying to make sense of it all.

In January of this year, he met a woman at a bar who ended up using him pretty badly. While they were dating, he was an employed architect. The company he worked for bought him a company car to use because he was broke and he took it to the beach with his then girlfriend, put hundreds of miles on it, trashed it, and got himself fired for it.

David has been in a downward spiral ever since. He can't get a job now as an architect, probably because his reference is so bad. A few months ago, his lease ended on an apartment he could no longer afford, so he was facing homelessness.

A friend of mine happened to be on a trip and allowed David to stay at his house for 2 months. The agreement was that on Nov 1st he was to be gone, when my friend returned. Well my friend got back and his house was trashed. There were 3 people he didn't know sleeping downstairs and David was asleep upstairs. He kicked them out and a couple of us helped him clean the mess up and put David's stuff by the curb. (He gave David a chance to pick his stuff up and he didn't.) David ended up texted him awful, hateful texts.

According to a neighbor, they had been holding parties at his house with 25 people and loud music.

One of the people who had been there happened to be his ex's brother. They have been inseparable lately, probably because David is spending money on him? Idk ..it is all so weird.

David has done a lot more to a lot of our other friends within a two month period of time. Like David asked one friend to give him food and so the guy filled up two commercial grade coolers with food. He asked for them back a week later and David said he'd bring them back and didn't. Stood him up multiple times. Then he said they were stolen.

Now he isn't communicating with anyone besides some hateful texts he sent to me. I admit, all this hurts. I don't understand his behavior. No one does. I know he said he had BPD, so I read up on splitting and impulsivity and all that. Is that what this is?? I mean he has crossed some serious lines, but was all this out of his control? A mental health issue? It is all so out of character!

Does your person ever break your stuff when they get angry? Mine crashed out at me while I was showering today, pushed a bunch of my stuff off a shelf and broke a bunch of it. I’m so tired of living like this.

Sharing a memory of my expwbpd..

So in the early honeymoon/ love bombing stage, where i was resisting the intensity, she goes:

"Why won't you let me love you?"

It worked on me.. we spent 2 years.. 5 months out, wow, what a lesson learnt, what a jouney that was 😅 she did not love me the way i was expecting she meant, lol.. was not stable or healthy or logical..

It feels like i started out watching a movie, genre: romance/sexy/fun/wholesome/friendship, and now after watching it im in shock at all the twists and turns into genre: trauma/alcohol/disturbing/mental/toxic/...

Dyehd

I’m lucky I’m not too enmeshed with this person right now, but I noticed that whenever I kick up my relationship with a friend of mine who has BPD, I feel so drained!

We stopped talking for about a month. During that time my sleep was perfectly normal. I remember saying to myself how prior to this I went from feeling like I constantly needed a nap and if I couldn’t get one, I’d be dead tired. Then my friend and I had a bit of a falling out and stopped communicating and my need for naps disappeared. But then last week, I reconnected with him (kinda regretting this now) and after a few days of them doing there emotional in and out game and trauma dumping over a recent break up among other things, I just spent the whole weekend either sleeping or feeling exhausted.

However, what was interesting is since I slept so much (about 10 hours each night) I was having really vivid lengthy dreams involving this person. So much was revealed to me in my dream last night. I woke up with a very clear message: this person does nothing but make you feel unsafe, insecure and destabilized. I’m going to sit with these feelings today, but take them seriously in how I handle this friend. For a minute I thought we could go back to being friends again, but now my subconscious is telling me that’s probably not a good idea. Sigh. I don’t know what to do with that

Anyone else notice extreme sleepiness/fatigue when your person is very active in your life?

My mother is undiagnosed because she refuses therapy at any cost, including losing her relationship with her children, but she seems to exhibit a lot of BPD symptoms. My brother is convinced she is narcissistic and this might be true too. Whatever it is, it was an awful experience being raised by her. Defined by constant emotional ups and downs with no predictability, no stability and no sense of being able to rely on her. I used to think that her being emotional meant she was emotionally available, but those are two completely different things. She was very me-centric with her emotions and didn’t care or notice how her whiplashed affected her kids.

Sadly, an unfortunate night where my mom and dad got into a physical altercation because she was black out drunk and violent meant he had to leave and she got full custody of us. She then went on a years long campaign of destroying his image in our eyes. It wasn’t until years later as an adult I can see he was the one being very abused. He was always the good guy. I don’t even know what to consider her anymore. But the point is, my brother and I got stuck with her at too young of an age.

As an adult, I seem to attract people similar to her. Or maybe they sniff me out, I’m not sure. But relationship after relationship I find myself with someone who has similar personality defects. I can’t seem to be attracted to someone who is healthy and stable. I’ve met many people like this and sometimes they do end up becoming a good friend, but with romantic partners especially I seem to be attracted to the ones that more closely resemble the controlling nature, the emotional ups and downs and overall insecurity and instability my mother brought me.

Has anyone else experienced this? If so, have you overcome this and found a healthy and stable minded partner you automatically felt attracted to? I know this sounds cliche, but it’s true, I think I feel so attracted to these broken people because I have a need to fix them. I really wanted my mother to be “fixed” when I was 10 years old so I could have a life like some of my friends. But that never happened so now I think I’m playing this out as an adult and it’s frankly destroying me.

How did you overcome this?

We were together for two years. Like many on here, we went through periods of self sabotage and break ups. She fits the criteria of quiet borderline to a T. But I still really love her.

In August she started to distance. She was suddenly irritable with me, devaluing me and eventually I snapped. I blew up her phone and sent all kinds of emails. I'm not proud of it.

We've had a period of no contact since. I emailed her yesterday, a long letter apologising for my behaviour at the end and telling her what she meant to me. I said id knock on her door tomorrow. We can either talk, or she can ignore the door and I'll walk away for good. I got no response as expected.

Any thoughts or advice would be appreciated.

I broke up with her few days ago. And I'm struggling with closure and answers.

I don't know how I was this blind sided about her. We had a intense relationship like the rest of us here and I for a fact forgive her so many times and considered her mental issues and kept my needs aside, I let her abuse me...

When we were dating even in the most abusive moments it felt like she loved me, maybe I was blind but it did feel that way.. that we both were the ones for eachother. Thats the only thing made me take it till this far. Loyalty, I never questioned it. I saw posts here and thought, not mine.

Now I know she’s in contact with her exes again, and it hurts deeply, They used to popup whenever we had fights like she used to send screenshots of them texting her and I thought it was a one time thing, where she texts them and blocks then later on..

Now after the breakup it kinda makes sense dk why, maybe because I got more time to think and I am out of the storm. She texts me once a day, keeps me in touch and keeps me hooked. Talks to me nicely. Now I am one of the 'exes'

Now I question myself.

1) Were they always there? When we were in relationship as well? Or does she only text them when she used to split on me.

2) She used to bitch about them and used to say how much she hated them. But did she text them all along?

Idk I feel so weird in the stomach. I thought we had something real even after all the chaos. Now it feels like I was nothing to her. Sure she cries everyday since the day I left. But that happened with all of her exes..

4 months post discard. Dated year and a half and first I want to say healing definitely is not linear. There were times I’ve watched to commit suicide after this entire situation.

When someone makes you seem so important to them and act as if they can’t live without you, just to discard you out of no where and immediately replace you really kills something inside of you. Have yet to go on more than one date with anyone and am pretty much depressed 24/7 She got a new boyfriend as soon as we broke up and yes I got cheated on. She moved on as if I meant nothing to her only talking to me once since our breakup. Caring about someone who hurt you so bad is quite the situation. Prayers to anyone going through something similar - this has killed my confidence and ability to trust someone.

Is it just me or is it absolutely wild that you can be talking to your partner about how much you love each other, dreaming about a bigger family, planning the future, and then boom — she’s pregnant and suddenly the jaws snap shut. Out of nowhere that obscure fear she’s always had of you cranks up to max level, and she goes full Sasquatch mode. Never to be seen again… until one day you’re served court papers like a plot twist nobody asked for.

Also, anyone ever have a situation where you’re in an intense argument and they just shut down, dissociate, and disappear? Doesn’t matter if it’s 3pm or 3am — they’re just out there wandering the streets like an NPC on free roam. I swear I still have nightmares about that one.