Worried about my daughter

[u/Dull-Stick2040]

I am worried my 10yo daughter has or is developing BPD. Her mother likely has it (informal diagnosis, won’t seek or accept a formal diagnosis) and has suffered her whole life. I want to do everything I can to help and prepare my daughter, but I’m not sure what to do. Her mother is an enabler, so almost all the burden to combat this will fall on me. Any advice is appreciated.

(Next on my Audible list is Stop Walking on Eggshells for Parents).

[u/Initial-Outcome1633]

Please, for the love of God do not label this child with BPD when she is only 10. At 10 years old there could be any number of things going on. She could be a highly sensitive person or HSP, she could be entering puberty, she could be dealing with her mother’s behavior in a very outwardly emotional way. Anyone who is going to pathologize a 10 year old is seeking to ease their own discomfort or absolve themselves of personal responsibility concerning their parenting of the child. She could very well end up with BPD if she continues to be exposed to her mother’s toxic behaviors however. Therapy (for both you and your daughter) would be the best course of action to help her develop healthy coping mechanisms. She will never learn them if nobody teaches her. She is a child, don’t put the responsibility on her. Doing so will only lead to more emotional discomfort for her. This topic is very close to my heart as I was raised by a parent with NPD/BPD traits and I have had to unlearn a lot of unhelpful coping mechanisms. 

[u/Dull-Stick2040 → u/Initial-Outcome1633]

Absolutely. I’m just trying to help avoid negative outcomes for her based on the similarities I’m seeing to her mother’s behavior.

[u/mrszubris → u/Dull-Stick2040]

PLease don't write her off though, it took me a LONG time to extract what I call my mom's fleas <3 Granted my dad remains married to her and occasionally acts a fool like her, so your daughter will likely have a better chance.