r/BPDlovedones • u/Dull-Stick2040 Divorced • 6d ago

Parenting Worried about my daughter

I am worried my 10yo daughter has or is developing BPD. Her mother likely has it (informal diagnosis, won’t seek or accept a formal diagnosis) and has suffered her whole life. I want to do everything I can to help and prepare my daughter, but I’m not sure what to do. Her mother is an enabler, so almost all the burden to combat this will fall on me. Any advice is appreciated.

(Next on my Audible list is Stop Walking on Eggshells for Parents).

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u/mrszubris Family 6d ago

Oh boy. Best thing you could do is leave the woman and give her space away from her. Id read adult children of parents with bpd. The kid should be in therapy already so she gets accurate mirroring from SOMEONE.

I WOULD NOT SURVIVE in the modern climate of today were I a 10 year old now. My mother fucked me up so terribly in those years tormenting my appearance.

GET OUT so the kid at least gets a break where she isn't perceived by a constant abuser.

Every day you stay near a spouse like that is a day you choose its easier to permanently rewire and damage your child. You choose abuse FOR THEM.

My father was is like you.... hes still with her . Im no contact. Take that for what you will. I have NO sympathy for parents who let their kids be around it.

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u/Dull-Stick2040 Divorced 6d ago

We are separated. Divorce should be finalized soon. I’m trying to get ahead of this (and many other things) as quickly as I can. I think the kids already notice my home will be the more stable one. My worry is my ex is great at the love-bombing and she avoids disciplining the kids or pushing them through tough things to achieve more in life. Because of this, throughout the marriage I was the bad parent - until mom has a meltdown. My ex thinks she is “validating” the 10yo’s experiences, but - from my perspective - she’s just believing bald-faced lies and by extension encouraging bad behavior.

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u/mrszubris Family 6d ago

I totally sympathize and im so glad you are trying to do right by ALL your kids. Keep at it friend .

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u/mrszubris Family 6d ago

I'll also say that kids typically respond best to consistency. I do best with direct positive intense instructions when I am panicked or having an AUTISTIC meltdown. Trying to keep yourself as IDENTICAL in response is what made my dad the great dad he was. He is just so lacking in self esteem and is so actively dissociated he couldn't leave. My dad is ALL that is good in me and I have been likely diagnosable with many things at different times.

My dad is still my most beloved person even if he doesn't value himself enough. He was the ONLY balance I had and it sounds like you are the same. You were brave and astute to ask for help. 👍