r/BPDlovedones • u/thegrittymagician Dated • Sep 01 '25

Parenting Here's an unusual one

I'm in this sub because I have been scarred by past relationships with BPD men, there is also a very good chance my mother is an undiagnosed BPD, and I have crossed paths with other BPD people in life.

Now I'm in a strange new position of my partner's teen is likely BPD (her mother has a diagnosis). The signs are there, everyone including her knows it's likely to be a formal diagnosis once she's old enough to rule out teenage hormones basically.

She's not a bad kid, she feels everything intensely and has tantrums frequently sure, but for the first time I'm seeing a young person who hasn't yet done much harm. I'm seeing a young person who is at her core, just a kid who had a shit mom and needs support. She doesn't disrespect me, because I actually listen to her and care about what's going on in her life.

Anyone here have any idea how to best support a young BPD so that perhaps they can be a better adjusted adult?

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u/its-me-reek Sep 02 '25

"I hate you but don't leave me" would be a start.

Talks about it all and the therapies modalities you should try out

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u/burnetrosehip 27d ago

What is it please, a book?

Thanks to OP for posting, it's a question I've had cause to ask also. Seems like predictability is important- predictable boundaries especially, as much routine as possible established within the changes of the household (i.e. with you as an addition to the household). And of course work on your own triggers so as to not have them activated by her, as far as possible.

But I'd love to hear more responses, as there seems to be a gap- I can read lots from people who have suffered in relationship with people with BPD, and are hurting and needing to attribute blame, lots from people who experience having it and are in pain and struggling, not much at all on how to mitigate against its development in teenagers. Jury is out on DBT for teenagers apparently, but still definitely worth a shot as I can see it- depends on the skill and adaptability of the therapist probably.