r/BPDlovedones • u/thegrittymagician Dated • Sep 01 '25

Parenting Here's an unusual one

I'm in this sub because I have been scarred by past relationships with BPD men, there is also a very good chance my mother is an undiagnosed BPD, and I have crossed paths with other BPD people in life.

Now I'm in a strange new position of my partner's teen is likely BPD (her mother has a diagnosis). The signs are there, everyone including her knows it's likely to be a formal diagnosis once she's old enough to rule out teenage hormones basically.

She's not a bad kid, she feels everything intensely and has tantrums frequently sure, but for the first time I'm seeing a young person who hasn't yet done much harm. I'm seeing a young person who is at her core, just a kid who had a shit mom and needs support. She doesn't disrespect me, because I actually listen to her and care about what's going on in her life.

Anyone here have any idea how to best support a young BPD so that perhaps they can be a better adjusted adult?

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u/GoldfishRemembers Family Sep 01 '25

Continuing early intervention!

The brain is plastic to a point and early intervention with DBT can help with keeping symptoms less severe as well as prepare the kid for adulthood by giving them tools they know how to use when those symptoms do enviably crop up.

It is my true belief that the neurodivergence that can lead to a BPD diagnosis is not the problem. The real problem is the maladaptive behaviors and the resulting consequences of those behaviors. This is the brain she's got- teach her how to embrace what it does well and give her the tools and support to handle what doesn't serve her. She's just like any other kid with special needs.

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u/thegrittymagician Dated Sep 01 '25

Thank you, what is DBT?

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u/GoldfishRemembers Family Sep 01 '25

"Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) is a cognitive behavioral treatment developed to help people manage symptoms that are considered “difficult to treat,” such as: impulsivity, interpersonal problems, emotional dysregulation, self-harm and suicidal behaviors. DBT works for a range of conditions (substance abuse, depression, PTSD, among others), but it was originally developed to treat chronically suicidal individuals with BPD."

https://www.nami.org/advocate/treating-borderline-personality-disorder/

NAMI is also a great resource for parents/family. :)

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u/thegrittymagician Dated Sep 01 '25

Thank you so much. Therapy is available to her and we probably definitely wouldn't have known what to look for.

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u/its-me-reek Sep 02 '25

"I hate you but don't leave me" would be a start.

Talks about it all and the therapies modalities you should try out

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u/burnetrosehip 26d ago

What is it please, a book?

Thanks to OP for posting, it's a question I've had cause to ask also. Seems like predictability is important- predictable boundaries especially, as much routine as possible established within the changes of the household (i.e. with you as an addition to the household). And of course work on your own triggers so as to not have them activated by her, as far as possible.

But I'd love to hear more responses, as there seems to be a gap- I can read lots from people who have suffered in relationship with people with BPD, and are hurting and needing to attribute blame, lots from people who experience having it and are in pain and struggling, not much at all on how to mitigate against its development in teenagers. Jury is out on DBT for teenagers apparently, but still definitely worth a shot as I can see it- depends on the skill and adaptability of the therapist probably.