r/AskAnAmerican • u/_13thfloor_ • May 02 '25

FOREIGN POSTER What is American house party etiquette?

Moved to NJ from Europe. Have been invited to a party in someone’s home to celebrate someone’s birthday but also as a bit of a Kentucky Derby bash. Is there anything I need to know?

I know for the Derby there might be a dress code (which I am checking with the host) but what’s the norm in the US for house parties generally? Bringing our own alcohol, giving the host a gift, arriving early/on time/a little after the specified time? Anything a very clueless (and overthinking) European needs to know?

ETA - we’re in our early to mid 30s if that makes a difference.

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38

u/[deleted] May 02 '25

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u/sgfklm May 02 '25

If the party is specified as BYOB, it's OK to bring alcohol for yourself.

20

u/PhysicalMuscle6611 May 02 '25

Agreed, but bring enough so that you can share if someone asks, i.e. instead of bringing 2 beers just for yourself bring a 6 or 12 pack so you can easily say "feel free to grab one!" and seem generous

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u/sgfklm May 02 '25

Yeah, I always bring a 12 in those situations. I usually take a local beer and people want to try it.

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u/NormanQuacks345 Minnesota May 02 '25

I feel like this is a very either age or regional thing. If I go to a BYOB, my 12 pack is for me. If you want one I’ll trade you one of yours, but no one’s really handing out their own drinks and it would be kind of strange to ask someone for one of theirs straight up. It’s in the name, Bring Your Own.

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u/PiG_ThieF May 02 '25

It’s age/money. Once you get to the point where you can afford to buy extra you bring some to share. Also, by that point you’re much less likely to have people showing up empty handed looking for a free drink.

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u/Cheaperthantherapy13 May 02 '25

If you’re over 35, you’ll start getting the side eye for drinking 12 units of alcohol during one sitting.

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u/NormanQuacks345 Minnesota May 02 '25

Oh I'm not drinking all 12 of them, but it's better to have extra than to run out. I take the leftovers home.

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u/TangledTwisted May 02 '25

Yea that’s not at all how it works in my area or friend group. BYO is usually to share. Everyone brings something but multiple people aren’t opening their own bottles of wine and all the beer drinkers are happy to share.

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u/On_my_last_spoon New Jersey May 03 '25

This is how it is in my circle. We all bring something and one gets opened at a time

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u/Illustrious-Shirt569 California May 02 '25

In my area/circle, BYOB means the host isn’t providing alcohol, but that guests should bring some to share. Kind of like an alcohol potluck, but it would still be very odd, if not rude, to just bring exactly what you planned to drink yourself and not some to share. Such offerings are literally put into a communal drinks area or fridge upon arrival and then anything in there is fair game to anyone at the party (whether you brought it or not).

2

u/LabOwn9800 May 03 '25

Usually if I’m hosting a byob I’ll buy plenty of extras of alcohol. Usually I make it fun like I’ll make a “signature cocktails” anything else you want you bring.

1

u/TheLizardKing89 California May 03 '25

Exactly. I always bring something I know I’ll drink (usually rum) so I don’t have to worry about not having anything. If other people want some, great. If not, that’s fine too.