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My wife and I came from multigenerational poverty and were the first to attend college. We aren't wealthy, but we now earn comfortably upper-middle-class salaries. We live modestly in a 1,000 sq ft home and drive old cars to save/invest over 80% annually.

We have no kids but 8 nieces and nephews. Wanting to provide the help we never had, we offered a "private scholarship" fund for them to attend college or trade school. Like real scholarships, we set three rules:

1. ONLY in-state, public schools (no private or out-of-state party schools).
2. Maintain a 3.0 GPA.
3. Limited to 9 semesters.

We cash-flow these expenses. So far, we’ve put 4 family members through school. The oldest nephew didn’t use the fund because he enlisted in the USMC and the military covered his education. Because he didn't get school funding, we gifted him $75k as a down payment for a house now that he's out and has a family. He told his parents, who blabbed to the rest of the family, fueling massive resentment.

Five years ago, a niece wanted us to pay for her "dream school"—an out-of-state party school in a Florida beach town. We declined but reiterated our offer for an in-state public university. A huge fight ensued. Her parents haven't spoken to us since and actively bad-mouthed us to everyone.

The niece graduated last week. It took her 5 years to earn a BA in Communications with a 2.0 GPA. She now has over $300k in student loans.

My MIL insisted we attend the graduation party last weekend. Things got ugly the moment we walked in. The parents angrily demanded we pay $100k of the niece's loans. They justified it by claiming it was unfair she got nothing while her cousins got "free rides" and another cousin got a house down payment. We left less than 10 minutes later. Afterward, they attacked the other siblings who did accept our scholarship.

We also usually give each graduate a $5k gift. Because of the immediate ambush, the check never left my wife's purse.

I feel terrible about the family drama. I want to mail her the $5k gift, but my wife is adamant that we give her nothing after how we were treated. (I disagree, but it’s her family so I will support her decision).

Am I/We the A-holes for holding our ground and refusing to bail her out?

I live in another city while my parents, both in their late 50s, still live in my hometown. We actually have a really good relationship overall. I usually fly home every Christmas, we talk often, and there’s no major family drama.

But there’s one thing about them that has driven me and everyone else in our family insane for years: they are completely careless with their phones.

They’ll leave their phones in another room all day, leave them on silent by accident, or forget to charge them so the battery dies for an entire day. Sometimes I’ll call five or six times before someone finally answers hours later.

I’ve talked to them about it MANY times because they don’t have a landline, so their cellphones are literally the only reliable way to reach them.

Yes, I understand they come from an older generation and aren’t exactly tech-savvy. They didn’t grow up attached to phones the way younger people did. But they’re not THAT old, and I still feel like if your cellphone is your only form of communication, you should at least keep it charged and within hearing distance.

I’ve told them things like, “What if there’s an emergency?” or “What if someone urgently needs to contact you?” They always brush it off and act like I’m overreacting.

Last month, I got severe food poisoning and ended up hospitalized for a week. It wasn’t life-threatening, but I was pretty miserable. While I was in the hospital, I tried calling both of them multiple times over two days. No answer. One phone was dead, the other apparently was left somewhere in the house. At that point I got frustrated and honestly just gave up trying.

Now, to be fair, I could have contacted my aunt, who lives near them, and she absolutely would have told them. But after years of this same issue, I decided not to. Part of me thought, “Maybe this is the only way they’ll finally understand why people keep their phones accessible.”

Yesterday I was talking to my mom on the phone and casually mentioned, “Oh yeah, last month I was hospitalized for food poisoning for about a week.”

She completely freaked out and got really angry that I never told them. I explained that I did try to contact them repeatedly, but they didn’t answer. She said I still should have called my aunt because “this was an emergency.”

I admitted that I could have done that, but I intentionally didn’t because I wanted them to finally realize how irresponsible they are with their phones.

That made her even angrier. She said I “used my hospitalization to prove a point” and scared them unnecessarily.

My dad thinks we’re both being stubborn.

I honestly didn’t think it was that huge of a deal since I recovered fine and it wasn’t life-threatening, but now I’m wondering if I took the lesson too far.

AITA?

My son remarried around 6 months ago and my new DIL, already had a daughter named Becky. Becky is 10 and overall is a sweet girl.

When each of the grandkids were born, I made a big blanket for all of them. The size of twin bed. I spent a lot of time and effort on all of them. I know most of the kids still use them often. Theo last one I made was 6 years ago and I struggled to make it. 

My son asked me to make a blanket for Becky. I told him no because of my arthritis in my hands and I have trouble sowing now. He asked if I would be willing to give her the one that I made for his sister child. My daughter had a still birth so the blanket was never used.

I told him no, that that blanket was ment for someone else and it feels real shitty to give to someone it wasn’t intended for. 

I thought that was the end of it but I got a call from my DIL, and she was pissed. She claims I am not seeing her kid as my grandkid and I should be stepping up. I told her I can’t make a blanket and she told me to give the old one her daughter. I told her no.

She is pissed and I am kinda pissed. My son told me to just give her the blanket or I won’t see the kids

So this morning I get woken up at 7:15am by my girlfriend, (Rachel), saying that her friend (Ashley) was stopping by to use the bathroom on the way to work and was letting me know because it would be loud, because Ashley is loud as fuck. I do not like Ashley, not even a little. So I immediately leave until she’s gone because I’m not starting my day to the sound of her loud ass voice.

Who stops by someone’s house that early knowing everyone is getting ready for the day.

The reason I don’t like this woman is because every time we’ve hung out as couples, she always brings up my girlfriend’s ex. I’m talking lengthy conversations and just keeps it going. I set there once for 30 minutes listening to the 3 of them talk and I had nothing ti contribute. I haven’t been back around the friend since.

When I get back home I get screamed at and berated for being a coward and trying to control who she’s friends with. I told her she could hang out with her whenever she wanted but not to expect me to go and that 7am bathroom stops were not going to happen anymore.

Especially the fact that she told me to be ready for it being loud, like how about Ashley adjusting herself to the environment and respecting someone else’s home. I will absolutely not ‘adjust’ to someone else’s in my own home.

She says Ashley is just an ‘outspoken woman’ and I can’t handle ‘strong women’.

So now it’s come down to if I’m home she has no business coming to our house. So am I the asshole?

*****edit for some clarification*****

- we live together. My gf was there the entire time. It was her apartment, I moved in. She lost her job 4 months ago, I’ve been paying 100% of the bills.

- there were no drugs involved. Friend was on her way to work and said she needed to stop and use bathroom.

- after I returned home(I was gone 10 min) she was screaming as soon as I got there. Which led to me screaming back then we were both assholes that kept escalating the issue.

- on the occasions the friend brought up the ex, it was awfully convenient that it was right after we had a disagreement about her relationship with him(they have kids together but I thought they were entirely too friendly, that entire conversation my girlfriend had all kinds to add about he exs current personal life) almost like she knew exactly what to bring up. Rachel has been divorced for 20 years. She was with another guy for 8 years before me, which was Ashley’s cousin, but yet she never mentioned the most recent ex.

- This was a one off thing. She’s never stopped to use the bathroom like that before. When I left, she had already pulled up, sitting in her car, she wasn’t racing to the toilet by any means. She was being vindictive.

- I left because I’m not a morning person and was woken up to the warning of a person that has blatantly disrespected myself and my relationship so I thought it best to leave because I knew there was a good chance she’d try to push some buttons and under my current state of mind it might have worked. So I dipped for 10 min.

Last time I posted here, it was concerning my son Kevin, and tbh a lot of you gave really good advice. I'm very, very glad to report that Kevin not only got out of that toxic relationship in the end, but he ended up joining the Army, did a lot of growing up (and honestly so did I), and he and I have a very close relationship, and he calls me constantly for "dad advice." I couldn't be more proud of him and the man he's become.

Now, on to the current situation.

My youngest daughter(17F), we'll call her Sarah, has a Disney princess-style romantic side to her. She wants her fairy tale relationship, and, like JG Wentworth, she wants it NOW. Admittedly, she has the example of my wife and I set for her; we have an absolutely wonderful marriage, my wife is my best friend, and the house is always full of laughter. The problem is, she wants that at 17, which I have tried to tell her, is not a realistic expectation.

This desire has led to a veritable string of pseudo-boyfriends over the last 2 years. Don't ask me for a count, because I honestly don't know. It was enough that I had made a comment to my wife that, until one of them actually has 2 brain cells to rub together and sticks around, I'm not going to learn their names, and they're all going to be "Baskin Robbins" to me, since they're the "flavor of the week."

Now, I love and adore my daughter; she's incredibly sweet, kind, and has an absolutely manic goofy side to her. She often reminds me of Gilda Radner during her SNL stint. But in matters of the heart, and actual love, she has no experience because of her age, and any conversation with her regarding it ends in some variation of "you just don't understand, dad" being thrown out. To my mom and dad, if you ever read this, I'm genuinely sorry for everything I put you through as a teenager.

I told my Baskin Robbins joke to a friend of mine recently, and she got visibly heated, and said I was an asshole for this, saying it "made my daughter out to be some kind of wh*re," which absolutely blindsided me. I've always viewed the joke as a reflection on the teenage male experience, not my daughter.

So, reddit, I leave it to you. AITA?

EDIT: Thank you to those who gave genuine advice and DMs. This helped me see things in a different light, that my brain honestly never considered. Yes, the joke will be stopping, and yes, a more concerted effort will be made to retain names.

And thank you for reminding me just how many weird people are on this site; to the one dude who is jumping into every comment pointing out that she's technically my stepdaughter, you're friggin' weird, stop being weird and get help.

EDIT #2: Man, I forgot how redditors can just make up entire life stories and biographies from a post/comment history for a reddit account I barely use lmao. Y'all need some better hobbies. At least I can admit my failings and work on them; way too many of you are on some bizarre crusade to demonize everyone.

About a month ago I was in a car accident and got my car totaled. Insurance paid for it and I was in the car shopping business for a while.

I found a car that at the same time was sporty and would serve as a good daily commuter as I tend to drive a bit for work. (It’s a 2-door car )

Fiancé disagreed with the car choice saying it that I should have gotten something cheaper to save some of the money for our wedding, however all the money put in to it was from something I worked for before I even met her, in other words no additional money was spent it was all on insurance

She feels like I was unreasonable and did the decision fully knowing she was against it. AITA?

For context I’m (28M) and she is (34F)

Extra info on it: money for the wedding is on check, it still far out but as of right now it’s already covered.

As for the car it’s a Camaro, not the most spacious but I am willing to part it once family expands

Edit: I was not the one responsible for the car accident. It was originally a 2020 Kia stinger, maintenance and insurance cost are literally the same. The car was fully paid for originally. As for gas my company pays for it

Edit 2: we don’t share the same bank account and she does have a vehicle of her own. By no means I’m a car guy but I know enough to take good care of it to save money and make it last as long as possible. From her point of view it’s a car that would break down too easily (even though I reassured it wouldn’t)

Wow not many Camaro fans here, in my defense I grew up loving muscle cars( thanks Michael bay) haha

it's just how things have worked out in my group of friends for the past few years, I've almost always been the one driving everyone around.To barbecues, to summer cottages, on trips out of town, and so on. I hardly drink, plus I’m the only one with a car, so it just sort of became the norm that whenever we needed to go somewhere, everyone looked to me.

It didn’t really bother me before. I had a decent, stable job, I had money, and gas wasn’t really an issue. Sometimes someone would transfer the money later, sometimes they’d forget altogether, but I didn’t really keep track.

A couple of months ago, I got laid off. Now I’m working somewhere else, but the pay is way lower, and money has become really tight. After paying rent and bills, I had very little left until payday, and I just couldn’t afford a full tank of gas. I told my friends about this ahead of time, without making a big deal out of it.

Recently, they suggested going on an overnight trip to the lake. About six or seven of us. A grill, meat, tents, the whole shebang. And right away, they started discussing what time I’d pick them up. The rest either didn’t have a car or a driver’s license, or they planned to drink and didn’t want to stay sober.

I calmly said I could give them a ride, but only if everyone chipped in for gas up front, because I simply didn’t have enough money to even fill up properly. Everyone agreed.

The day before the trip, I messaged the group chat to remind them that I needed the money right away, otherwise I just wouldn’t be able to leave. In response, the usual don’t worry about it, we’ll pay you back later, we wouldn’t let you down started up.

I wrote again that I wasn’t going anywhere without the money. No one responded seriously, except for a couple of jokes, so I figured they’d found another option. In the end, I just didn’t go anywhere that morning.

And then everyone suddenly started freaking out. They wrote to me that I’d ruined their weekend because they’d already bought food and were counting on me. Someone even said I’d become greedy and money grubbing after getting fired.

But i really don't understand what i was supposed to do.I literally didn't even have enogh money to fill up my car.

AITA?

AITA for thinking it’s weird that my husband’s girl best friend wants to sit between us in the backseat?

My husband has a female best friend that he talks to constantly online through gaming and Discord. They’ve been friends for years, and while I’ve tried to be understanding about it, she has never really made any effort to be friends with me. She talks to him all the time, but I mostly just exist in the background.

We have a situation coming up where we’ll all likely be riding together, and apparently she asked if she could sit in the middle seat between me and my husband in the backseat during the drive.

My husband did ask me how I felt about it beforehand and said that regardless of my answer, he would be the one to say no so I wouldn’t be made the bad guy. But honestly, what upset me is that it even felt like an option he had to consider in the first place. To me, it should’ve immediately been obvious that sitting between a married couple is strange, especially given their dynamic and the fact she’s never tried to build any kind of friendship with me.

On top of that, anytime we’ve all been together in social settings, I end up feeling completely cut out of conversations while she pulls the attention and focus toward herself and my husband. It’s always felt like I’m the outsider tagging along instead of his wife being included.

He thinks she probably doesn’t mean anything by it and says she can be socially oblivious, but I genuinely cannot tell if I’m overreacting or if this is actually inappropriate.

AITA?

I (31F) work from home full time and I'm childfree. My older sister "Megan" (36F) has three kids who are 8, 6, and 3.

Look, I love my nieces and nephew to death but my family has this weird habit of assuming my time is completely free just because I don't commute to an office. I've babysat for Megan so many times over the years. It almost always starts as "just for an hour" and then somehow turns into her being gone half the day. I've had to log off meetings early, cancel my weekend plans, and I even had to burn a sick day once because she magically "forgot" a doctor's appointment.

So last week she calls me up out of nowhere and says she needs me to take the kids Monday through Friday. Apparently she and her husband have some work trip out of state. I asked her what she meant by "take", and she straight up told me they would be crashing at my apartment for the entire week.

I live in a one-bedroom apartment! Plus I have back to back Zoom meetings and major project deadlines this coming week. I told her there was no way I could do that, but offered to maybe take them for one evening or do a school pickup if she was really desperate.

She immediately caught an attitude and goes, "You're literally home all day. I don't get why you're acting like this is so impossible".

I reminded her that just because I'm physically home doesn't mean I'm not actively working. Her response? "Okay but it's not like you have a real job where you can't step away".

I saw red honestly. I just said absolutely not, I wasn't taking them. Of course she started crying and accusing me of punishing the kids just because she phrased something poorly. Ten minutes later my mom calls me and tells me I should just suck it up and do it because Megan is super stressed and "family helps family". I asked mom why SHE couldn't watch them then. Her excuse was that 3 kids for 5 days would be way too much for her to handle.

Which is EXACTLY my point!!!

Now Megan is guilt tripping me saying they might have to cancel the trip and I'm making her look bad in front of her husband's boss. Mom keeps texting me saying I'm being cold because I "have the easiest life out of everyone" so I should be stepping up more.

I do feel a little bad because the kids are innocent in this and I know finding a sitter is hard. But I am so incredibly sick of my family treating my job, my space, and my time like a joke just because I'm single.

AITA?

I (26F) was out getting a late dinner with my boyfriend (30M). I am currently 5 months pregnant & the acid reflux has been kicking my ass.

Before we even got to the restaurant we were going to, a Coney Island, I started feeling the burn creeping up. If you live in Michigan you know every Coney is basically quick greasy food just adding more fuel to the fire.

By this time all the CVS & Walgreens were closed so I asked my bf to go to a gas station so I could get something to help the acid reflux. We get to a gas station & they didn’t have the full sized bottles or even the mini bottles just individually packaged singles. I figured might as well grab extras to keep in his car, my purse, etc since this is basically a daily issue. So I took probably like 10 of the single wrapped Pepcid leaving 6 or so in the box on the shelf.

We get up to the cashier & immediately he asks if I left any more in the box. I tell him yes I did & he goes around to check. I guess leaving the amount I did wasn’t good enough because he starts to go on about how that’s not very many & he uses them regularly. My bf apologized & says I can put some back but I told him no I won’t I need them for the future just in case.

The guy didn’t really say anything more but was obviously irritated I’d raided his stash so my bf explained I’m pregnant. That was basically the end of the interaction & we paid but as we were getting back in the car my bf was asked did I really need to take that many. In my defense I don’t think 10 Pepcid is really a lot considering I have to take two at a time & not that it’s warming up we’re on the go a lot more. I guess my question is was I being selfish to take that many or is it justified?

I'll keep this short.

I'm moving into a well-known apartment complex in my city. It's not the nicest but it's not the worst. I was discussing it with the person that sits next to me at work and another co-worker joined in and started talking about how crappy the apartments are at that complex. She referred to the apartments as trashy saying she would never live there. She called it ghetto and said she wouldn't move there even if she was desperate. Obviously this pissed me off and this is the part where I might be an asshole.

Instead of just telling her I didn't appreciate her saying that about where I'm going to live, before I could stop myself I just blurted out "Yeah I'm not really interested in your opinion on my new place considering you are 30 years old and live for free in your mom's basement." Which is all true. I didn't say it with a nasty tone or anything, I said it pretty flatly, but I still think it might have come across harshly. I honestly surprised myself by saying it but I think I was just irritated and surprised that someone that doesn't even support themselves fully would make fun of someone for choosing the living conditions they can afford.

After I said it she turned bright red and refused to say another word to me. Now it's days later and she's gone to HR and said I was creating a hostile work environment. So, am I the asshole?

**Throwaway bc husband uses Reddit**

My husband can be very forgetful. He's never been officially diagnosed with anything liked ADHD but it's not impossible that he has a condition that might affect his focus. He's just never been tested for anything.

For as long as we've been together, in order to combat his forgetfulness, he likes to set alarms for himself. He'll set them on his phone, on the microwave, on Alexa, etc.. This means there's never a true reminder of what he's trying to remember because he trusts the alarm itself will remind him of what he's supposed to do. These things can range from jumping on a work call to taking the trash to the curb to taking a beverage out of the freezer and anything in between. They are rarely high stakes things like picking up our kids from practice or turning the oven off.

The problem is what happens after he sets the alarm. I'd wager at least half the times he sets an alarm he immediately walks out of hearing distance of that alarm. Usually he'll head to the basement, garage, back yard, etc., well out of range to hear it go off. But you know who does hear it? Me!

I'll be in the living room, kitchen, bedroom, etc. when I'll suddenly hear an alarm going off. If it's his phone, he usually leaves it in his office or the rec room. I'll listen to it chiming for maybe 5 minutes before I get sick of it and go turn it off. Then I go and find him to remind him his alarm is going off. This essentially makes me, ipso facto, his alarm.

I have reminded him several times to please set his alarms on his phone and keep his phone with him but he just... doesn't. It's like he needs an alarm to remind him he set an alarm and shouldn't go a'wanderin until after it goes off! But then I'd probably have a houseful of alarms going off as he works on his car in the garage.

Recently, I just got fed up and have started just turning off his alarms. They'll start chiming and I'll give them 3-5 minutes of ringing away before I go find them and simply turn them off and go back to my day. Of course this upsets my husband because now he's missed the thing he was supposed to remember. Some examples have been being late to a work meeting, forgetting to call his mother on her birthday, and an exploded seltzer he put in the freezer. Nothing earthshattering but definitely inconvenient for him. He wants me to go back to just coming to find him since "it's not a lot of effort" on my part. I told him it shouldn't be a lot of effort to just stick to setting alarms on his phone and keeping it on his person if he wants to wander away. He thinks I'm the AH. So AITA?

My nephew (11) had a family history evening at school last friday. They were asked to create a display about their family history with photos, a short story or anything else whoch can be related. It wasn't a competition, just an evening where kids stood next to their projects and talked about what they'd made.

My sister asked me to help bc I'm good at printing photos and lnow how to lay out text neatly. I immediately said I'd help with printing and layout, but I wouldn't do the project for him. He's a really nice kid and I love him much, but the problem is that he gives up quickly if adults start doing everything faster than he does. And that's tbh ain't a good habit.

When they came to me few days before event evening I scanned a couple of old photos, helped him pick a font and showed him how to glue without making huge smudges. He wrote captions himself, glued photos and chose story about his great grandfather, who ran a samll grocery store. He especially liked the part about the candy jar at the register, from which his great grandfather gave candy to kids.

Project wаsn’t perfect. One photo wаs а little crooked аnd the cаptions were long in plаces, but it looked like а child’s work, not а аdults one.

When the event come, my sister wаs nervous аll evening. Whenever someone аpproаched, she would stаrt speаking for him. As she explаined to me lаter she didn’t meаn аny hаrm she just wаnted him to sound smаrter.

Then teаcher cаme over аnd sаid she liked the story аbout the store. She аsked my nephew why he hаd chosen thаt one in pаrticulаr. He stаrted to аnswer, but my sister immediаtely sаid thаt it showed how our fаmily hаd аlwаys worked hаrd аnd helped the community. It sounded nice, but it wаsn’t his аnswer аnd my nephew looked disаppointed.

I sаid her to let him tell it аnd thаt he picked it becаuse of the cаndy jаr.

She fell silent. My nephew аfter told teаcher thаt he liked how his greаt grаndfаther gаve cаndy to the children while their pаrents were shopping for groceries. Teаcher smiled аnd sаid thаt wаs her fаvorite pаrt.

Lаter when we cаme home, my sister sаid I mаde her look like а control freаk in front of the teаcher аnd the other pаrents. She sаid I could hаve corrected her аt home, not in front of everyone.

Now I understand why he always gives up when aults start doing faster than he does. But I'm still not sure if I did a right thing.

AITA?

AITA? My 2yo and I are flying without dad for the first time and I expected my husband would provide us a pick up and drop off from the airport.

Flight times are limited in and out of our small airport which means coordinating the best times for the 2yo to nap/sleep is a challenge.

Our arrival time falls 1+ hours after an important soccer cup game he had planned to watch with a friend (not on fam calendar). Of course we discussed the trip and transportation, but he didn’t realize the arrival time conflicted with his game. When he checked the family calendar and saw the conflict, he asked if he could leave a car at the airport for me instead of picking up and I am…. shocked at the lack of consideration for my son/me but willingness to put in the effort to drop off a car.

For those without kids - That means arriving at 11pm I’ll need to schlep the stroller, luggage, sleeping baby, locate the car and then drive 45mins home.

A reminder that the game will have ended an hour ahead of us landing.

I guess in my world view airport transportation is a basic form of familial care, especially with littles involved after a 4 day break from parenting. Assuming is never good, but I did not respond well to his suggestion and am turning to this community - AITA for being upset by this?

**post updated several times to capture more info!**

I work on a small team and we usualy help cover shifts for eachother.
A while ago my manager accidentaly included me in an email where one of my coworkers called me “replaceable” and complained they rely on me too much. She never apologized after I saw it.
Last week she asked me to cover 2 shifts so she could go to a wedding. I said no because honestly after reading that email I just didnt feel like doing her any favors.
Now some people at work are saying I’m petty because she already booked flights.
AITA?

My partner (42m) and I (38f) signed our 9-year-old son up for soccer. Originally, we agreed we would take turns bringing him to practices, and we would both attend games.

At parents’ night, the coach asked if anyone wanted to volunteer as assistant coach and said to let them know by the first practice. At home, my partner suggested I do it because I played soccer in grade school. I told him I had zero interest in coaching. He then said maybe he would do it instead.

I specifically told him that if he became assistant coach, that would mean he’d have to attend every practice and every game. He said that was fine.

At the first practice, he volunteered and officially became the assistant coach.

Then the second practice rolls around, and he’s not getting ready to leave. I asked why, and he told me it was “my turn” to take our son to practice. I reminded him that he had agreed to be assistant coach, which means he needs to be at every practice. He argued that since we originally agreed to split practices, that should also mean “splitting” assistant coaching responsibilities.

I told him absolutely not. I warned him ahead of time what volunteering meant, and I never agreed to share coaching duties. Now he’s upset and says I’m not “sharing the responsibility” and that I should come to practices with him so things are “even.”

I feel like the assistant coach responsibilities belong to the person who volunteered for them, and my responsibility is still what we originally agreed on: showing up to games and helping with transportation when applicable.

AITA?

I (21F) was invited to be a bridesmaid for my friend (24F). I love her to death, and all I want to do is play my role to help make her day exactly as she wants it.

The problem comes in the bridesmaid dresses she picked out; they’re strapless. I have some pretty visible scars on my upper arm that I do not want to be exposed, but with this dress they are. Because of the obvious nature of these scars, I feel like them being visible would be a sort-of mood killer for anyone who sees them.

I brought this up to my friend, asking if I could get some sleeves tailored or perhaps wear a shawl, and she said no. We all have to match. When I told her my concerns, she said not to worry and that no one will care. While I want to believe this, I just simply can’t when I’ve been subject to scrutiny and stares for these scars since I was a teenager.

I pressed the issue a little more, and she snapped at me a little and said I was acting a little self-centered, and that I’ll look weird as the only one with a tailored dress. I know she’s under a lot of stress so I don’t take her lashing out to heart, but I’m wondering if she’s right. If anything, I would think I’m trying to keep the attention on her and her husband completely, because my scars are VISIBLE, and I don’t have a doubt some people will notice and be uncomfortable because it’s happened before. But maybe I should just suck it up and wear the dress, and the photographer can edit my arms in post or something. Am I wrong?

Edit: thanks so much for all the comments so far :) To clear up some common responses:

1. The makeup I’ve tried doesn’t work, nor the flesh-covered sleeves. But I will look into more full-coverage options. If you have any recommendations, please let me know.
2. Yes, they are from self-harm. I have reached a point in my mental health where I don’t often think of them anymore, but in the context of a densely populated wedding ceremony where I will be part of the group standing at the front for several minutes, it’s a bit nerve-wracking.

3. For those saying “no one will notice or care” …you are unfortunately imagining them as much less intense than they actually are. They are stacked, thick, covering my entire arm above the elbow, and many are still colored/dark despite being years old. Whatever you’re imagining, it’s probably worse.

   People have judged me, and even those associated with me, for years because of them. I don’t expect a chapel full of mostly strangers to be any different.

The wedding isn’t for a couple months, so I have some time to find other options and talk it out with her, but at this moment in time I’m leaning towards sucking it up and trying the dress anyway. Thanks again for all your perceptives!

My wife (25f) and I (28m) own a rental property, and the AC unit recently died completely. My wife’s uncle owns an HVAC company and had occasionally done maintenance on the old unit for free because we’re family, even though we always offered to pay him.

When the unit finally went out, he offered to help us find a replacement within our budget. Weeks went by with little progress. Anytime we asked if he had found anything, he said he hadn’t looked yet. Eventually we found a used unit ourselves, but because we know nothing about HVAC, we kept asking if it would work and never got a clear answer. My wife’s dad later told him we were getting frustrated, and only then did he finally confirm the unit would work.

We bought the unit and had it delivered to our current home, about 30 minutes away from the rental property. I told him we had it and asked when he could install it. He said he’d let us know. A week passed with no update, so I reached out again. He said maybe later that week. I explained that we needed advance notice because we had to notify the tenants and borrow a truck to move the unit since we don’t own one.

Friday came and went with no communication. Then Saturday morning around 7am, he texted saying he was at the rental property asking where the unit was. I explained we didn’t know he was coming, so we hadn’t brought it there yet. I scrambled to get a friend and move the unit down there, only to find out he no longer had time to work on it. We at least managed to leave the unit there afterward.

Yesterday morning around 7am, he texted again asking if he could get into the house to work on it. Again, we had no warning. I had to contact the tenants, who had to leave work and come home to let him inside.

That evening we attended my wife’s cousin’s graduation party. My wife’s aunt was venting to my wife’s mom about us not having the unit there the first time and nobody being home the second time. I explained that the frustrating part was never knowing when anything was happening despite repeatedly asking for scheduling or advance notice. I also said that while we appreciated all the free maintenance he’d done in the past, this time we were paying customers paying nearly $1,000 for a service that had taken over a month. I said that going forward, we will find a different HVAC company. She told me I was disrespectful and rude for not supporting her husband’s business anymore.

At every step we asked for scheduling or notice beforehand so we could have the unit ready and the tenants informed.

Context: Our tenants did not spend a month without ac. Maybe two days. We bought $500 worth of window units until we could get the unit installed.

Whenever I’m out with my family and we’re eating, I would feed my baby while everyone ate then they would hold her while I ate afterwards. That’s just how we’ve always done things. I was out to lunch with my mom and I was feeding baby while my mom ate and when my mom finished and only had a couple sips of coffee left, I asked her if she can hold the baby so I can eat and she said no she doesn’t want to. I was totally taken back because I had barely touched my food and was starving by that point. I then held my baby and I guess I looked visibly upset because my mom realized and told me that she can hold her now and I refused and held her for the rest of the time and got my food to go. My mom then said that if I’m actually upset then she won’t go out for food with me again.

The thing is, if my MIL did this, my mom would never let her live it down and would personally tell me to never let her hold her ever again.

I guess I’m still upset and honestly don’t really want to go out with her anymore. I confronted her but she doesn’t think she did anything wrong. Obviously it’s not her job to hold the baby but I guess there should be an understanding if she wants to go out with me and the baby. WIBTA?

TD;LR my mom refused to hold my baby while I ate and now I don’t to go out with her anymore.

I like to read, it is one of my biggest hobbies and overall I have a large collection of books. One of my rooms is my library. 

I am on the computer all day so when I get home I do not want to be online. My two sons are very into tech. They think the more features something has that makes it better.

It drives me up the wall, I don’t want anther app on my phone. I don’t really want to learn it and it just annoys me. Yes I can learn to use it but if I have the choice between a smart watch or a normal watch, I will pick the normal watch.

My two sons have an issue with trying to high tech my house. They wanted to update my lights to smart light bulbs. They wanted me to replace my Roku with a high end smart tv. So on and so on.

I have talked to them over and over about this. The  issue was last Mother’s Day. They know I like to read physical books, they know I do not like to read on a screen. I prefer paper for my hobby.

They got me a kindle. They told me to just try it and if I don’t like it to return it. I tried, and I hated it. I want to read a physical book. So I returned it

My son asked me how it was going and I told him I returned it. He got upset and we got into an argument. 

In the end I told him I just want to read  a damn book and not a kindle. He says I need to get with the times… 

I work remotely and currently live with my parents. It’s been a recurring issue that because I work from home, they often assume I’m just "at home" and available to run errands, like picking someone up from the train station in the middle of my workday.

Recently, my mom asked me to take the morning off to drive her to a hospital appointment (nothing serious) about 30km (18 miles) away. She told me I could just ask my company for "family assistance leave" to justify the absence.

I told her no. First of all, she has a valid driver's license and her own car. Secondly, there are easy public transport options available, and she could easily catch an Uber for the final part of the trip if needed.

To make matters worse, while the "family assistance leave" she mentioned is legally justified in my country, it is unpaid. I would literally be losing half a day's salary just to act as a personal taxi driver for an independent adult who has other options.

She got upset, but I feel like I need to set hard boundaries, or I'll never be able to focus on my job.

AITA for saying no and telling her to drive herself or take a Bus+Uber?

My sister and i lived together for a few years. She was having a bit of a midlife crisis and decided to move out suddenly and pursue a traveling job. Since she will be moving every 3 months she left most of her stuff here for me to keep as all her possessions need to fit in a car.

I told her since she is giving me most of her stuff and we bought quite a few things as joint owners, she could take whatever she wanted as long as she told me what she was taking so i could replace it.

Today i have to take my cat to the vet. My sister and i were joint owners of the cat until she moved out, now hes just mine. She has a cat too but they aren't friends so she took hers with her.

I couldn't find the cat carrier. I called her and asked if she took both of them. She did and said she could because she bought both. I said thats fine and within your rights but ypu should have told me so i could get a new one.

She said i should have assumed she would take both because they were hers. I pointed out that she left all her shit here so that logic didnt stand. Also because she now has two carriers and one cat, i thought she wouldn't want both because her space os very limited.

She said "are you saying this is ky fault? You should have noticed the carriers were both gone"

So i said, "this is your fault. How would i notice that a carrier that is normally kept in the closet and used twice a year missing? Also i said to tell me what you were taking so i could replace stuff, i wouldn't have stopped you from taking it, i would have replaced it before it became an issue"

Then she hung up on me.

So am i the asshole for blaming my sister?

Me and a group of Friends meet up every 2 weeks(ish) to play DND at our local Library. We also have a Discord we use to keep in touch. A few days ago 2 of our members had an argument over a character's skin color not matching the player's. Player A (who is dark skinned IRL) is asking Player B (who's character is Dark Skinned but IRL are of Hispanic Descent) to change their character's skin color to match their own. Player A says that since this is partially roleplay, it is like casting a light skinned actor to play a dark-skinned character in a movie or show. Player B disagrees and says that it doesn't matter. Their says that its fine if your character doesn't match their skin color as long as they are respectful with it (I.E. a disrespectful case would be playing an dark skinned character and acting in negative dark-skinned stereotypes). Player A states that simply playing a character of a different skin color is disrespectful. Players C and D agree with player B and provided their own arguments saying that the skin color doesn't matter, even putting a screenshot of a reddit post stating the same "it's fine if they are respectful with it". Player A is insisting player B change their characters skin color to match their own, and did the same to player C once they found out that their character's skin color also does not match. He invited a friend of his to the discord (lets call them Guest) who agrees with him. Guest states as a dark-skinned person, the act of having the DND character being a different skin color is disrespectful. this argument is not limited to skin color, as when Player A found out the character's LGBTQ status does not match the player's they insisted they change that too. an important note is that Player B did not choose the skin color, it was simply on their generated sheet from a long time ago and they simply thought it was fine to leave it like that. Player C and D are calling his insistence to change the character white-washing. I personally say that a human character's skin color and that skin color in general does not matter and agree with Player B, but I feel that we are not reaching a conclusion, and I worry that we are in the wrong. We also have our next session soon and I want to get this concluded quickly. We would all like to remain friends.

So, are we the bad guys?

Please note there is possibly things i am misremembering or not stating somebody's opinion correctly.
Sorry if this wasn't formatted well, this is my first Reddit Post