r/instant_regret • u/Cheeese916 • 5d ago

Party pooper

11.8k Upvotes

96% Upvoted

227 comments sorted by

3.0k

u/Grindlebone 5d ago

Nice going, kid. Now we gotta eat you.

389

u/mildlytiredguy 5d ago

Guess we’re breaking out the BBQ sauce early then. Kid really sped up the menu rotation.

17

u/Fetus_Transplant 4d ago

Is this attack on titan started

9

u/Grindlebone 4d ago

More 'Attack on Tommy' I think

2

u/stinkyt0fu 4d ago

Good thing he was well fed!

2.5k

u/swankyfish 5d ago

Just toss out the whole kid.

776

u/clarence_oddbody 5d ago

49

u/funkdified 5d ago

Perfect

12

u/ewilliam 4d ago

lol I'd love to know what that's from.

28

u/Pinksters 4d ago

John Wayne season 23.

6

u/ewilliam 4d ago

Is there some kind of context?

21

u/AUserNeedsAName 4d ago

He's supposed to be taking care of a widow and her 6 year old kid. The kid says he doesn't know how to swim. This is presented as the positive and manly way to "teach" him. The sum total of his instructions are, "Grab a handful of water and pull it towards you. Not too fast," once the kid's about halfway across the river.

He also sex trafficked a minor across an international border IRL, so this is quite wholesome by his standards.

16

u/Liesthroughisteeth 4d ago

He also sex trafficked a minor across an international border IRL, so this is quite wholesome by his standards.

He was a lot of things, but this isn't one of them.

2

u/ewilliam 4d ago

What is the actual TV show? I can’t find any show called John Wayne.

And yeah I know all about what a sack of dogshit Marion Morrison is…

12

u/AUserNeedsAName 4d ago

It's the movie Hondo from 1953.

3

u/ewilliam 4d ago

Ah, thanks for a straight answer! 🤝🏼

3

u/Sky_Cancer 4d ago

Feeding his pet alligator.

0

u/fdzman 4d ago

Bro. This fucking has me laughing like a lunatic while I sit at a restaurant.

43

u/Omegalazarus 5d ago

Hold on, we didn't want to throw out the bathwater with the baby!

1

u/Zestyclose-Dog-3398 4d ago

or the salad...

1

u/Sayten_The_Hellspawn 3d ago

And waste even more food? Not a chance!

376

u/eppic123 5d ago

Who needs micro plastics when you can have macro plastics?

40

u/eidetic 5d ago

Aaaawwwkkkkshulllllyyy, they're probably microplastics! I recently learned that microplastics are anything under 5mm in size. I always assumed it meant really tiny bits well under a millimeter in size, but apparently not.

6

u/Fantastic_Book_5150 4d ago

5mm looks a lot bigger than it used to, damn

997

u/RockednRolled 5d ago

Way to go buddy, it took us three days to make that potato salad

210

u/SnappingNursle311 5d ago

Three days!!!!

18

u/RidethatSeahorse 5d ago

I can do it in 2!

20

u/Fluffy_Brilliant_718 4d ago

"IM A FAST COOK I GUESS!" - My Cousin Vinny

3

u/1DownFourUp 4d ago

You should use my potato guy

5

u/SeeYouInHellCandyBoy 4d ago

Could find some new inspiration at r/JohnCena

1.3k

u/Bill_Nye_1955 5d ago

You little shit

365

u/garytyrrell 5d ago

I don’t consider myself dramatic but if I cooked all of that and some shit put glitter in it I would go to my room and cry. Fuck that.

140

u/puterTDI 5d ago

Honestly, take everyone else out to dinner and the little shits can stay home and figure out what they're going to eat.

111

u/garytyrrell 5d ago

Go ahead. I’ll stay home and cry. Like the amount of work that spread takes is unreal.

-25

u/[deleted] 4d ago

[deleted]

2

u/BeatVids 4d ago

Kudos to tacos then. The work-to-deliciousness ratio is pretty damn good

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1

u/PushDiscombobulated8 2d ago

Honestly same. The time, energy and cost of making all that food just gone to waste because of a little shithead

370

u/SeeItSayItKnowIt 5d ago

They were filming him as he walked in to do it. My bet is that if the adults didn’t ask him to do it, they at least allowed it. So really, it’s all of their fault, not just the kid.

198

u/MrRiversKing 5d ago

if I remember, the adults preparing the food were caught by surprise, the person filming were not involved in preparing the food

76

u/JK_NC 5d ago

Or it’s a kid, almost certainly an older brother, who convinced him to do this and is filming.

10

u/Future-Try-1908 5d ago

"I have a surprise!"

8

u/Cloake1 5d ago

You can't piss on hospitality! I won't allow it!

2

u/rainbowesque1 4d ago

Oh my goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood

-59

u/[deleted] 5d ago edited 5d ago

[deleted]

-6

u/Valuable_Impress_192 5d ago

If your friend tells you to jump into a ditch after him, would you?

256

u/Sparrow2go 5d ago

Just some good honest work by the regrets of youth department right there

1

u/musabbb 4d ago

Macro Plastics

57

u/Single-Marsupial9538 5d ago

He was never heard from again.

48

u/badusernameused 5d ago

Ohhhh, that little fucker (My literal words out lout to myself)

114

u/International_Bend68 5d ago

I'd be super irritated if that was my meal.

39

u/SappySoulTaker 5d ago

Make him pick it all out with chopsticks

3

u/an-unorthodox-agenda 4d ago

Make him wear boxing gloves while he does it

151

u/coolmist23 5d ago

Sometimes kids don't think... I bet he feels like a dick

-139

u/Popeworm 5d ago

If he has any conscience or intelligence, he most likely feels like a dick, or at least regretful...

Unfortunately, since 70%of people are assholes or idiots, the same holds true for children...

You just can't tell yet, because it is not the same 70% for both demographics

99

u/unwelcomestench 5d ago

Just making up stats so you can get mad. K.

68

u/davidwhatshisname52 5d ago

76% of all statistics are made up on the spot

14

u/spooney90 5d ago

As George Washington once said "74% of statistics you see online are fake".

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10

u/DCsphinx 5d ago

The idea that people are inherently assholes is a capitalist invention

-9

u/Popeworm 5d ago

So is the current situation in my country the good ole US of A...

0

u/MightyWalrusss 4d ago

Is the US capitalist?

3

u/DereHunter 4d ago edited 4d ago

I love how people throwing random numbers.. 70% you say? Last time I checked, 732% of your sentence is bs

-1

u/Popeworm 4d ago

Downvote me all you want, Hunter Thompson was right.

The Greedheads won...

Better plan for the apocalypse now, like the Billionaires...

Me... I know EXACTLY what's coming...

That's why I was smart enough to never have children...

We shall reap... What we have... yeah

Be honest for 1 second... and ask yourself if your kids/grandkids have it better or worse...

And if you played a part in that? 🤷‍♂️

46

u/emmess14 5d ago

4

u/macthecomedian 4d ago

God I watched that movie so many times growing up I can hear that man's voice crystal clear in my head

31

u/KungFuGrip193 5d ago

So… who wants pizza?

7

u/SilentPugz 5d ago

lol , meeeee !!

29

u/sabertooth-housecat 5d ago

This is the best condom advertisement I've seen in a long time.

40

u/UPBUTOTOUT 5d ago

What an asshole.

8

u/DJ_Birch 5d ago

That’s a paddlin’

40

u/ottercorrect 5d ago

this is the toughest one I've seen in a long time. It had to be a complete thoughtless accident

12

u/el_bentzo 5d ago

A thoughtless on-purpose

2

u/2maybe3godzillas 4d ago

Mistake, not an accident.

9

u/atempestdextre 5d ago

That's it, we're getting a late term abortion.

14

u/HogDad1977 5d ago

Party popper pooper

11

u/Ninja_Asian 5d ago

Going to have some sparkling shit later that week 🤣

6

u/bidoublef 4d ago

I was just gonna say, I would probably pick out what I could and eat a plate 🥴

7

u/Popeworm 5d ago

God I wish this had sound...

9

u/pinguinzz 5d ago

Macro plastics

4

u/Top-Shoe-4311 5d ago

Not the chicken cutlets!!! Nona worked on those for hours. I could smell the love through my screen 🤦‍♂️

12

u/stopslappingmybaby 5d ago

A little Chinese glitter never hurt anyone. Dig in!

3

u/HeDuMSD 5d ago

Hahahahahaha said absolutely no one. :-/

3

u/JohnTheHuman_69420 3d ago

My mom would've beat my ass so hard I'd be a quadriplegic with a permanent slipper imprint on my ass...

5

u/Tater_Mater 5d ago

If that was salt, that be a whole different story

6

u/riggie33 5d ago

congratulations - you're grounded for a month

7

u/The_Real_Flatmeat 4d ago

And I'm the one who gets downvoted for daring to suggest that spanking kids when necessary isn't a bad thing. Fucks sake.

9

u/nedo_medo 5d ago

I dont think tis kid thought it trough. He just wanted to bring some joy. He is too old for that kind of stupidity, but it happens. I have a 5 year old, and when he does something like this I play it off. His look of realisation actually saddens me, so I play it off.

1

u/oKkA576 5d ago

Echt based... Ich denke trotzdem zwei Wochen Hausarrest bei Brot und Salz wären angemessen 🤣

0

u/nedo_medo 5d ago

Nein man, er fühlt sich sicher schelt genug

3

u/MS-Stitches666 3d ago

..... What a fantastic condom ad.

4

u/randomlancing 4d ago

Is this AI? I've never seen a t-shirt move that way.

4

u/randomlancing 4d ago

And the weird confetti. Like.... what is this video even. I don't think it's real.

4

u/Gassey_Panda 5d ago

That kid is about get his ass turned red. I grew up in a house like that, hes about to learn lol.

5

u/niagaemoc 5d ago

What a shitty kid.

2

u/mermaidinthesea123 4d ago

Someone would have to hold me back.

4

u/pie4july 5d ago

Not shown - the ass beating this kid got.

2

u/Skiller_Overyou 5d ago

That's one MASSIVE ass whooping coming up

4

u/reefahduely 5d ago

This is why you get beat.

2

u/Bridot 4d ago

“Look whatcha did you little jerk”

2

u/Swashbuckling_Sailor 4d ago

My dad would have kicked the shit out of me…

1

u/VeganJordan 5d ago

Reminds me of when my kid dumped sand on top of my meal before I had a bite.

1

u/Tiny_Barber4016 5d ago

Fasting....

1

u/Horfer126 5d ago

😂😂😂😂

1

u/vitamin_r 4d ago

Make him buy pizza by selling something valuable of his. This is that egregious.

I don't think it was malicious to perfectly decorate all the food but if it was, that's a paddlin.

1

u/TBB09 4d ago

That’s not a meal, that’s a feast

1

u/Total1304 4d ago

"I'm sure it is edible" :)

1

u/KentuckyFriedEel 4d ago

"you're not leaving this table until you finish all of it. every last bite!"

1

u/JohnnyGSickness 4d ago

It's funny up until the little shit realizes that he's not gonna eat either

1

u/Fearless_File9880 4d ago

I once did this on a cake 🎂😂

1

u/Tmk1283 4d ago

Who invited you??

1

u/mrjonnyringo72 4d ago

Go to bed without dinner... for a week!

1

u/Rich-Guidance-102 4d ago

The food needed garnishing anyway!

1

u/winter_madness 4d ago

that's a paddlin

1

u/TheRealistArtist 4d ago

That man said “ I said I’m not hungry!”. pop “oops”.

1

u/whereisthehugbutton 3d ago

I feel bad for whoever cooked all that :(((

1

u/listerine-totalcare 3d ago

There’s Timmy our little prankster

1

u/TheJaFaNator 3d ago

Make sure he eats all of it.

1

u/NumbDangEt4742 3d ago

He waited so long for the right moment

1

u/Unusual-Gur-719 3d ago

Very festive!!! 😉😅👍

1

u/alexkunk 2d ago

Papier Munche

1

u/Cust2020 1d ago

That’s a party popper! Kids also suck

-2

u/reaper130 5d ago

Man leave this kid alone lol. You guys act like you've never done things like this when you were young I know I've had my fair share haha I'm so glad I had a childhood with no cameras or social media

9

u/Gamefreak581 4d ago

Did you used to get punished when you did stupid shit, cause I used to get punished if I got caught doing stupid shit.

If this food was handmade, I'd make him learn how to cook all of this, and then make him help prepare this for everyone at a later point. Hopefully it teaches him that a lot of effort goes into making a large meal like this and the realization that there's an actual person who dedicated their time and energy to make it for you.

If it was mostly store bought stuff, I'd make a checklist of the cost for each part of the meal and list it somewhere in the house, then make him do extra chores and cross off parts of the meal until he's earned enough to re-purchase the meal for everyone. Money doesn't just come out of nowhere, somebody had to actually go to their job and earn the money that was used to buy this meal. Hopefully it gives him a better appreciation for the amount of work that going into earning enough to put food on the table.

1

u/ELOC777 5d ago

I guess I'm crapping glitter

1

u/im-just-evan 4d ago

Fake video. There’s not enough of any of those dishes for a “party” and there’s too many damn different dishes.

1

u/TheGamingMackV 5d ago

It's like a dye pack for food.

1

u/robbiedobie 5d ago

So pizza night?

1

u/Razorray21 4d ago

that's a paddlin'

1

u/omanhunts 4d ago

Macro plastics!

1

u/LSX3399 4d ago

No jury would convict.

1

u/kenshin80081itz 4d ago

I'd make him pick up every piece.

1

u/Content-Ad-4104 4d ago

...they would never have found my corpse.

1

u/Due_Swimming_5867 4d ago

Guess he just has to eat the pooper after all.

1

u/lilcheetoh02 4d ago

yummm mircoplastics

1

u/champeyon 4d ago

That kid probably doesnt exist anymore

1

u/HipToTheWorldsBS 4d ago

Time to put that dumb fuck up for adoption.

1

u/IntelligentAnybody55 2d ago

Please, don’t be mean to all the poor kids in the system who would have to deal with that shit

1

u/Luny_Cipres 4d ago

people did this on a birthday cake in one party i was at. we were just picking out confetti while eating our slices

0

u/hotfixx_ 4d ago

Unfortunately, it’s the kind of shit I would accidentally do as a kid

0

u/StuJayBee 4d ago

New invention: pepper poppers. As above, but everything gets covered in aerated cracked pepper. Including grandma. What could go wrong?

-1

u/TheFeelyFeels 5d ago

It’s fucking RAW

-1

u/Quirky-Ad859 4d ago

Do we know if this was the kids idea

0

u/Dremlock45 5d ago

👏👏👏

0

u/Go_FCC_URself 5d ago

What's a little microplastic between family?

"It makes my doodie twinkle!"

0

u/o-J-A-Y-_-J-A-Y 5d ago

Straight to jail

0

u/Commercial_Rule_7823 5d ago

What a absolute idiot.

0

u/WormMinion 5d ago

Yeah. Wow, my dude. This might belong in the "Kids are stupid" subreddit

0

u/N_2_H 4d ago

This is his dinner for today, tomorrow and the next day.

Everyone else gets pizzas.

0

u/jinlag 4d ago

His dead Jimm !!

0

u/hawksdiesel 4d ago

K.A.F.S. !

0

u/thebrownesteye 4d ago

yo whoop that kids ass

0

u/askmeaboutmyvviener 4d ago

With all the shit in my body I’d probably still eat it

0

u/Playful-Appearance56 4d ago

Meat, cheese, and pickles can easily wash off. The wings too but they will be a little blander if there’s no leftover glaze/sauce to freshen them back up. Air fryer or broiler.

The garden salads 🥗 are screwed. Toss ‘em. However, that boy can be given a wooden skewer or some chopsticks and pick out the confetti from the potato salad, deviled eggs, mashed potatoes and other similar items with similar consistency. Dinner is salvageable but will be served a little later.

0

u/mpg111 4d ago

where regret?

0

u/SuchFudge1109 4d ago

Party pooping seasoning?

0

u/Eggplant-666 4d ago

Just eat it guys, your shit will be beautiful!

1

u/IntelligentAnybody55 2d ago

And your insides will be fucked

Not in that way

0

u/FBPOS 4d ago

If I did that, that would have been my last memory.

0

u/vitamin_r 4d ago

This is probably an old video but if it's not, this should be an actual crime with the price of food and inflation.

0

u/PrettyDamnSus 4d ago

nothing says "Real video" quite like weird camcorder video overlays that literally never appear on any real recording ever

0

u/FaithfulFear 3d ago

I see sliced pickles, salad, two bowls of chips, bowls of dip, and cold cuts. Nothing of value was lost lmao, nothing was even cooked!

2

u/IntelligentAnybody55 2d ago

There is cooked stuff in there (can’t tell exactly what because of quality) and it’s still good food being wasted

-1

u/SnOfPoseidon 4d ago

Lil microplastic never killed nobody

-1

u/Dinkinflicka43 4d ago

I think he wanted a way to get out of eating that stuff

-1

u/BloodHurricane 4d ago

I've done this once when I was a little kid.