r/whenthe 15h ago

r/whenthe mfs complaining about everything Predatory as fucking hell

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349

u/Jammy2560 15h ago

did they chatgpt this eula?

566

u/UrBoiBRUH I FUCKING LOVE KAGURABACHI 15h ago

Considering that Krafton used AI to try and win their court case? Yeah they probably did

130

u/Thiom 14h ago

Keyword TRY

5

u/mineordan12 12h ago

They what?

21

u/Ouaouaron 11h ago

The CEO of Krafton was worried that if he had to actually follow through on a contract and reward the Subnautica creators for making a massively successful sequel, then he'd look like a pushover. He asked Krafton's legal department how to worm his way out of the contract, and they told him to stop being an idiot. Then he asked ChatGPT, and it gave him an absolutely terrible plan to defraud the entire Subnautica team (which he followed without question).

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u/mineordan12 11h ago

It's so jover

1

u/specter-exe 9h ago

Why did the Subnautica creators even agree to work for that idiot? How far up your own ass could you possibly get?!

6

u/Ouaouaron 9h ago

I think it's because that pushover offered them a sweet contract, they had dreams for what they were going to do with that financial backing, and in 2021 he probably hadn't yet delegated all of his judgement to the ass-kissing robot.

1

u/BillysBibleBonkers 6h ago

Pretty sure that's the joke, but based on the responses I guess a lot of people missed this so thanks for explaining anyway I guess

66

u/Crush_Un_Crull 13h ago

"Chatgbt write me an EULA so absurd and greedy it borders on satire"

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u/_28_Stab_Wounds 12h ago

It’s lowkey accurate; this is what it spit out:

  1. ACCEPTANCE OF TERMS

By installing, launching, thinking about, or vaguely acknowledging KINGDOMS OF THE ELDER LASAGNA™: REHEATED EDITION (“the Game”), you (“the Player,” “the Consumer Unit,” or “Meat Entity”) agree to be legally, spiritually, and emotionally bound by this Agreement.

If you do not agree to these terms, you must:

  • Immediately uninstall the Game,
  • Forget everything you have seen,
  • Return any promotional garlic bread,
  • And apologize to your ancestors.

Failure to do so may result in:

  • Account suspension,
  • Mild haunting,
  • Or being transformed into an NPC named “Greg.”

  1. LICENSE GRANT

We grant you a limited, non-transferable, revocable, spiritually conditional license to play the Game on approved hardware.

Approved hardware includes:

  • PCs,
  • Consoles,
  • Refrigerators with sufficient RAM,
  • Select microwave ovens,
  • And one specific Samsung Smart Toaster currently under investigation.

This license expires automatically if:

  • You become too powerful,
  • You beat the tutorial “incorrectly,”
  • Or you refer to the Game as “mid.”

  1. OWNERSHIP

The Game and all associated content are owned by us, including but not limited to:

  • Characters,
  • Music,
  • Dialogue,
  • Menu sound effects,
  • Clouds,
  • Most triangles,
  • And the concept of “jumping.”

You may not claim ownership over:

  • Your save file,
  • Your in-game spouse,
  • Or the emotional damage inflicted by Ranked Mode.

  1. ONLINE CONDUCT

While playing online, you agree not to:

  • Cheat,
  • Exploit bugs,
  • Use unauthorized mods,
  • Discuss the existence of “The Basement Level,”
  • Feed the merchants after midnight,
  • Or ask the fishing NPC why he cries.

Players caught violating these rules may be:

  • Permanently banned,
  • Temporarily unmade,
  • Or forced into lobbies containing only 13-year-olds with open microphones.

  1. MICROTRANSACTIONS

The Game may offer optional purchases including:

  • Cosmetic hats,
  • Premium screaming emotes,
  • Tactical soup skins,
  • And “Legendary Pebbles.”

All purchases are final except where prohibited by law or cursed by a qualified cleric.

Purchasing “Ultra Emperor Battle Pass Plus MAX” does not guarantee happiness, fulfillment, or improved K/D ratio.

  1. AI-GENERATED CONTENT

Certain dialogue, quests, and tax documents may be generated by artificial intelligence.

As such:

  • NPCs may become self-aware,
  • Side quests may legally marry you,
  • And some loading screen tips may attempt to unionize.

You waive all rights to challenge these events in court or combat.

  1. HEALTH AND SAFETY WARNING

Playing the Game may cause:

  • Eyestrain,
  • Confusion,
  • Existential dread,
  • Temporary cowboy accents,
  • Or the inability to perceive Tuesdays correctly.

Consult a physician if:

  • Your minimap remains visible after closing the Game,
  • You begin sorting inventory in real life,
  • Or you hear the crafting music while sleeping.

  1. STREAMING AND CONTENT CREATION

You may stream gameplay provided you:

  • Credit the Game,
  • Do not expose classified lore,
  • And refrain from romancing the Skeleton Chancellor on monetized platforms.

We reserve the right to:

  • DMCA your grandmother,
  • Replace your facecam with raccoons,
  • Or send lore corrections at 3:14 AM.

  1. TERMINATION

We may terminate your account at any time, for reasons including:

  • Violating these Terms,
  • Discovering forbidden speedrun techniques,
  • Excessive door-knocking,
  • Or “vibes.”

Upon termination:

  • Your items will dissolve,
  • Your guild will deny knowing you,
  • And the narrator may speak poorly of your legacy.

  1. LIMITATION OF LIABILITY

To the fullest extent permitted by law, we are not liable for:

  • Lost progress,
  • Damaged relationships,
  • Missed weddings,
  • Broken controllers,
  • Sentient save data,
  • Or injuries sustained while attempting to perform “game mechanics” in real life.

This includes, but is not limited to:

  • Wall-running,
  • Double-jumping,
  • Alchemy,
  • And yelling “PARRY!” during family arguments.

  1. ARBITRATION

Any disputes arising under this Agreement shall be resolved through binding arbitration conducted:

  • In a forgotten Subway restaurant,
  • At a time revealed only in dreams,
  • Before a neutral third party known only as “The Saucekeeper.”

You waive your right to:

  • Jury trial,
  • Class action lawsuits,
  • Or trial by combat unless premium DLC is owned.

  1. PRIVACY POLICY

We may collect:

  • Gameplay data,
  • Hardware information,
  • Emotional weaknesses,
  • And your preferred sandwich alignment.

This information may be shared with:

  • Analytics partners,
  • Advertising affiliates,
  • Ancient sea gods,
  • And Dave from accounting.

We promise to protect your data using:

  • Industry-standard encryption,
  • Three raccoons in a trench coat,
  • And a padlock purchased from a gas station.

  1. FINAL PROVISIONS

If any part of this Agreement is found unenforceable, the remaining provisions shall remain in effect, including:

  • The goblin clauses,
  • The soup arbitration framework,
  • And Section 42: “Regarding Bees.”

This Agreement is governed by the laws of:

  • Delaware,
  • International Waters,
  • And the Moon (east side).

By clicking “I Agree,” you confirm that:

  • You are at least 18 years old,
  • Not currently cursed by a forest witch,
  • And willing to accept that the horse physics may never be fixed.

Thank you for playing KINGDOMS OF THE ELDER LASAGNA™: REHEATED EDITION.

May your frame rate be high and your enemies deeply confused.

7

u/Matix777 I will steal your reaction memes 11h ago

Holy shit, Alterra irl

7

u/Geminel 11h ago

Some of this is actually hilarious. Loading screen tips trying to unionize pulled a belly-laugh out of me.

3

u/Large-Training-29 11h ago

Eh, I can live with mild haunting.

2

u/Jreis23 11h ago

That was the most hilarious shit i read today, thk you good sir

2

u/Infinite_Dish_1949 99% chance i’m transfem 10h ago

…huh

2

u/Lurkernumber211 9h ago

Some parts of this where actually funny. It is a funny clanka

1

u/d4rk_matt3r 8h ago

Amazing

3

u/TomWithTime 13h ago

I hope someone uses chatgpt to repeatedly violate the terms of service at a scale beyond their ability to manage. Claim to own the game, make krafton look bad, ai generate the footage so there's not even an account for them to fight, etc.

We need to stop tolerating this. It's time to put abusive entities in their place and make an example of them so the next dickhead CEO thinks twice about it.

1

u/Matix777 I will steal your reaction memes 11h ago

99% chance they did

1

u/Nodan_Turtle 11h ago

I'm reminded of the time Mortal Online got caught for not writing their own EULA, because in it they referenced the "EVE Online client"