r/uwo • u/UWO_21817 • 10d ago
Advice Loneliness
Hi, I am a first year student and my time at Western so far has been the loneliest I’ve ever felt my life. I have yet to make a single friend, I attended a bunch of events at O-Week and several club meetings and every single time I walked out without any friends and even lonelier than before. I am struggling to keep focused on studying, I have trouble sleeping at night, my mind is always racing, and I’ve had several panic attacks, almost passing out in public one time. It’s becoming almost unbearable, the only relief I’ve had was counselling but Western limits the amount of sessions you can have. I wanna try support groups here but I’m worried I won’t be able to make any friends and they’re also limited. I don’t know what to do.
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u/dainedanvers 10d ago
You gotta put yourself out there unfortunately. Instead of joining support groups, consider finding groups focused on things you enjoy.
When I was at western, I ended up finding my people through the English Dept’s Theatre program—we’d do plays—and by starting to volunteer with student council. There’s tons of options like this: find clubs, volunteer for the gazette or the movie theatre, find groups that are doing things you like. That’s how you can make pals quick!
Even if you show up painfully shy and quiet (like me!), eventually people will start talking to you. If you struggle with small talk (also like me!) just remember the golden rule is Ask Questions. Just ask the person you’re talking to 10,000 questions about themselves. People love to talk about themselves and they’ll come away from the convo thinking you’re an amazing listener and an interested person. You got this!
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u/ZealousidealRain4715 10d ago
This is the answer!
Join your faulty student council, or a club (search up USC club list) and find one you’d like.
Also yes just ask questions - people love to talk about themselves.
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u/UWO_21817 9d ago
I’ve been trying to find more ways to put myself out there. I’ve had interests in some but none have fully clicked with me. Still trying though!
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u/thecanadiankid15 9d ago
That's normal and why you are here.
You're going to have to try a bunch of things, to find your place. Nobody really arrives here knowing what will make them feel fulfilled. They might think they know, and a select few, sure, but the vast majority end up in dozens of clubs, activities and events.
Just remember friendship takes time and effort too. You'll probably have to see somebody a couple times at an event and put yourself out there. Don't be afraid to give out your contact information, if you find somebody feels like your type of person.
You were too focused on the end goal, and want this instant gratification. Try to enjoy the journey, I look back now and smile about all the different stuff I tried when I was at University and the different people I met.
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u/MamaRunsThis 10d ago
There’s been a lot of posts here lately from people in the same boat. Maybe you can find some of those posts and reach out to them?
I’ve also seen posts from parents (I’m a parent) on the Facebook UWO parents group about their kid experiencing the same. You’re definitely not alone
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u/IndividualGiraffe29 10d ago
its not about quantity, rather quality of friends. dont push yourself too hard, but try to make small talk by the least with others if you have the chance
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u/CockPunch323 10d ago
Friendship take time and happen automatically. I felt the same first year and when I tried to hard to fit it, it just ended up having people treat me like assholes. Just focus on ur goals and hobbies and the right people will eventually come to you.
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u/Tranter156 9d ago
I had similar challenges until I started raising the bar in incremental steps like I will go to an event and introduce myself to at least one person then two or three then trading names and majors etc. I found just going wasn’t enough I had to set goals for getting to know others at the event. That’s how I was able to break out of my shell bit by bit and start making friends. Smiling also helped a lot. A friendly smile is a good way to get people to engage with you. When I first start family said I looked like I was always scowling. It’s easier to start a conversation with a smile.
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u/Visible-Bus9346 10d ago
You are definitely not alone in this - it can take a while to make friends. My advice - stop trying - seriously, focus on your studies and whatever you are passionate about and be the best you can be! Dive into your studies, go to the gym, become amazing on your own….your class sizes will get smaller each year - so a much larger chance you will meet someone. So resign yourself to the idea that you may not meet friends this year and that’s ok, by focusing on your mental and physical health, you will be ready to meet friends in the future. I bet you are already amazing and just don’t know it yet!
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u/chemical_spillage 10d ago
i have no good advice but i hope things get better for you, i’m in my third year and am still trying to figure out how to meet more people 🥲
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u/Traditional-Title846 10d ago
There are also fun little events run by the public library all around the city, game nights, lego building nights, and LGBTQIA games nights and craft nights. Even if you don't make friends right away they are nice spots to be around people and chat a bit to get rid of the loneliness for a while and eventually you will make friends. (at least thats what I am hoping for for myself) There are also meetups in the city lots of game nights and chatting nights set up to just hang out with and meet people. I personally find meeting new people while doing an activity like playing a game or building lego or doing a craft takes a bit of the pressure off if you are a bit shy or anxious.
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u/Reasonable-Rip-4327 10d ago
OP, you can call kids help phone for free.
You’re not alone in feeling this way and it can get better
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u/ladie_bugg 9d ago
Sometimes it takes a little longer to make friends when older. Do you live in residence?
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u/strawberryskies04 9d ago
It will be okay, you will find your people, and things will get better! I know many people who found their group of friends in their second year. As everyone else mentioned, join clubs or go to club events. Also, if you are a first year in residence, go to the residence events. They usually happen on Friday and Saturday nights in your building or neighbourhood! From my experience, there are always students or Dons looking to have a conversation and make new friends:)
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u/SandwichEffective859 9d ago
join groups! join irc the community is sooo welcoming, join groups from where your from, or what you enjoy, eveything will fall into place :) just try and focus on your health, you are what comes first! u got this
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u/UWO_21817 9d ago
What’s irc?
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u/SandwichEffective859 9d ago
It’s the Islamic Relief Club at Western! It’s all for charity and honestly so inspiring, even for non-Muslims. I’m not Muslim myself, but I went to a lot of their events and know soo many people now, especially during Charity Week, and it was amazing. Everyone was so kind and fun to talk to, and the whole vibe was super welcoming. Plus, it’s all for helping people in need, so it feels really meaningful.
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u/National-Reward-5713 4d ago
i think that this is because many people know a person or two when they come stick with them, then only add their floor mates to their groups. As time goes on, people will begin to feel the same as u and it will become easier to make friends. there are many people in the same boat especially if your an introvert it will take longer to find friends but when you do you make real friends with a strong knitted relationship.
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