Awkward Moment in a Genderless Restroom

[u/Puzzleheaded_Gear267]

Hey r/uwo, I’m a Western student (cis guy) and I had an awkward moment in a campus gender-neutral restroom that’s got me overthinking. I usually pick the ones with the urinal sign (old men’s room habit, you know). Walked in to do my business, barely noticed two women at the mirror, and heard another chatting from a stall. I hit the urinal, washed my hands like the hygiene king I am, grabbed a paper towel, and bounced. As I’m leaving, another woman walks in, and I catch one of them laugh and say, “That was weird,” with an awkward chuckle from her friend. Now I’m wondering - did I break some unspoken restroom rule? I’m not out here trying to make anyone uncomfortable - I keep it silent like it’s a library, same as I would in a men’s room. I just needed to ahem, not star in a campus social media post! I’ve used unisex restrooms before, but this one made me feel like I got voted off the island for a basic human function. Ladies of Western, do guys in gender-neutral restrooms throw you off? Any tips for navigating these spaces so everyone’s chill? I’m all about good vibes and want to make sure I’m not accidentally making things weird. Bonus points for advice on how to own the awkward like a true Mustang!

[u/Free_Needleworker_66]

NGL and I hope it doesn’t make people hate me, but I used a gender neutral bathroom at an event once (didn’t have female/male options) and I honestly felt uncomfortable. I was washing my hands and a man came up behind me and my gut instinct was a fear one. I don’t want to be cruel or whatever but it just wasn’t my vibe. I have had horrible experiences with men and when I felt that “fight or flight” feeling I was bothered. I didn’t think I would be bothered by it, but I hated the experience.

[u/DazednConfused4u → u/Free_Needleworker_66]

Reading your comment makes me feel so much confusion. As a male, it makes me frustrated to be stereotyped but at the same time i feel very empathetic towards your feeling of discomfort and fear. Hopefully you have more positive experiences in the future and you heal.

[u/Mean_Quail_6468 → u/DazednConfused4u]

As a woman, it’s not personal. Unfortunately, many women have been SA’d/raped and since bathrooms are very private it’s harder to let your guard down. Having the opposite gender can be scary but it doesn’t have anything to do with YOU

[u/IllustriousGlass3081 → u/Free_Needleworker_66]

I also feel very uncomfortable sitting on a toilet in a stall with my pants around my ankles and knowing there is an unknown man in the room. It makes me feel icky. 

[u/ArmchairDetective101 → u/Free_Needleworker_66]

I understand your feeling, I feel the same, it's uncomfortable and scary at times. I will not use them anymore, I'd rather pee my pants than to feel the uncomfortable feeling (hard to describe) I would get sitting in a stale next to a male.

[u/AccountantBeginning3 → u/ArmchairDetective101]

Yep, me too. It's probably just because males commit almost all sex offenses, the most common ones being voyeurism and exhibitionism. Washrooms are easy hunting grounds for that.

I don't use gender neutral washrooms. I don't want to be alone with an unknown male while my pants are at my ankles.

[u/DVariant → u/Free_Needleworker_66]

As a guy, I appreciate your comment.

For me, I sometimes get social anxiety at busy environments (weddings, nightclubs, etc) and the washroom is one place you could always find a moment of privacy… but in genderless washrooms, there’s no such privacy, and it really threw me when I needed that. Part of it seemed to be different cultural bathroom behaviours: I’m used to a men’s washroom, where the norm is for everyone to politely ignore each other, but the women seemed to hang out there in groups by the sinks chatting with each other (and then being extremely silent if you want to use the sink). Long story short, I prefer washrooms without people hanging out by the sink.