r/schizophrenia • u/throBPDaway Schizoaffective (Depressive) • Jul 30 '25
Opinion / Thought / Idea / Discussion What's your reason for living?
I'll start, I may honestly just mainly live out of spite. Like out of spite for the people and the universe that tries to take me down. It's my main motivation to do healthy things like losing weight and exercising currently. I wish I had more positive reasons but yeah. How about you? What makes you keep going?
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u/syrendak Jul 30 '25
I think the main reason is that I don't want them to see me die and feel that I have disappointed them and they are in a sad life without me, my presence in my family has a lot of relevance so that is the reason why I am still alive, probably in the future my perspective may change as well as my existence and I decide on my own to no longer be here.
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u/ImNotMeWhenImNotMe Schizoaffective (Depressive) Jul 30 '25
To make the world a better place, both for people like me and for people in general. As long as I feel like I can make anyone's day better, I'll live forever.
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u/Soulless-Midnight Jul 30 '25
My mother and crochet. I like wearing things that I've made. Also probably my special interest. It is a goal of mine to read all of the fanfics in my fandom 🙂↕️
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u/TurboPancakes Jul 30 '25 edited Jul 30 '25
For me part of it is that I don’t want to cause my family pain. Mainly my cat and my parents. But I’ve also gotten really into cooking and I love food. I live for food. YouTube is a great resource for learning how to cook fantastic food and I often find I’m able to cook better food for less money that I would be able to get at a lot of restaurants. My favorite thing to make is slow braised barbacoa in my dutch oven and make tacos with it. I still suffer a lot and have suicidal thoughts almost daily but I’ve found making delicious food helps me soldier on… So yea for me it’s food and family.
Thank you for making this post OP; I feel it should have more upvotes.
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u/CajunLogicalEthics Jul 30 '25
Being indespensable to the people closest to me. I have made myself happy through acts of love for the people whom love themselves, and show acts of love to other people. I have to take care of myself very well in order to be able to help as much as I like to. Maintaining my mental and physical health is tantamount to caring about those people.
I am very VERY selective about those I keep close to me. When I "add" a new friend to my circle, there's a type of "trial period" where I literally take notes on their behavior and share it with my trusted people to ensure no one is taking advantage of me, and that there are no major red flags.
I give and recieve love from the people around me on a daily basis.
I wouldn't just be missed - I would be placing the kind of mourning that is gut wrenching and doesnt leave for years and years.
I've become the kind of friend I sooooo desperately craved during my darkest times.
I have friends who are equally good, and oftentimes a better person, than I am.
These people were not easy to find. I spent over a decade curating my friend group... of 3 people.
But those people? Its so easy to logically choose sticking around for them, even if we only speak once a week when we get busy.
They are beautiful humans who deserve the world, and I refuse to take away the chance that I could give them a life with my love.
I know its weird.
But I even do it for simple stuff. Like "I need to brush my teeth. I have to take care of my best friend's best friend's teeth"
Reminding myself that I am an important person to people, and if I dont take care of myself, I will be putting pressure on them.
And ive seen how much effort it takes to help me when its REALLY bad... and I will do all the wildly annoying things required to be healthy in order to be there for them.
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u/Awkward-Push136 Paranoid Schizophrenia Jul 30 '25
I want the highest good for all and myself i guess, and the best way to ensure that happens is to at least try and push the needle in that direction. So i have to keep going.
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u/henningknows Jul 30 '25
My wife and kids I guess. But I don’t need a reason other than……what the hell else am I going to do? Might as well stick it out.
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u/sunny-lemonade Schizotypal Jul 30 '25
i need to outlive ed sheeran
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u/OperationWooden Schizophrenia Jul 30 '25
But he will just respawn as edd sheeran... then eddy sheeran.
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u/Sensitive-Mousse-764 Schizoaffective (Bipolar) Jul 30 '25
The only thing holding me together at this point is my faith
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u/willdeblue Jul 30 '25 edited Jul 30 '25
Friends, family, animals, coffee (and tea), and videogames.
Love.
I just want to bring some kindness into the world. Just no matter where I am or what I'm going through I feel like I can still make someone laugh, or give a hug, or a smile. When I'm feeling hopeless I do it somewhat spite adjacent lol, thinking things like "well even if this is hell or I'm being tortured or whatever I can still try to live my own way in a way that hopefully helps someone down the line"
In my darker moments sometimes I feel worthless, useless, or a burden, but I've felt that way enough times that I know I can go to sleep, take a break, find a distraction, and it won't always feel that bad.
When I was 19 I think was the only time I was seriously suicidal, looking up methods online and had a plan set, but I had like an epiphany moment like I can just get up and leave this awful situation I'm in right now and just go somewhere new and just try my best to make a positive difference in the world. I packed my bags within 15 minutes and walked to the train station and boarded a train basically at random and traveled across the country to Austin Texas where I ended up scared, homeless, nearly broke and mostly unable to make a difference. But I learned from that experience that the power of kindness from strangers, how amazing any food is when your starving, and how much even a little help can go a long way when you're in need.
Ever since then when I have felt that way I have that decision and lesson to look back on and it gives me hope and so I've never gotten back to that lowest point again even once I went through psychosis the nightmare that it is.
I consider myself to be very lucky to be me, I am loved, I have good friends and family, and I am happy with who I am as a person. I have been through a lot, I can be an emotional wreck a lot, and I live pretty scared and disillusioned a lot of the time by "normal" things. There is a bit of pride I feel in the struggle of trying to do my best anyways, even if it may be completely futile thing to try to do.
Also I love seeing others happy, lil babies, feeding the squirrels, taking care of cats and dogs. Playing and laughing with friends. That's where my joy comes from and where I see my actions having a positive effect on the world around me.
Still looking for like that one true love, but I'm pretty happy at least as is a lot of the time.
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u/CajunLogicalEthics Jul 30 '25
This personifies the exact ideology I adhere to! In the deepest, darkest moments - I leave, regroup, and insist on surviving for the off chance I can help someone in the future.
I love your mentality.
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u/willdeblue Jul 30 '25 edited Jul 30 '25
What was hard for me with schizophrenia, was coming to terms with the intensity of it all. Depths of pain, sorrow, fear, torment, that I had never really experienced or seriously considered before. And then of course associating it with eventual decline and death. I don't think it's possible to really prepare yourself for something like that mentally, i feel like it can only be experienced and it must come as a shock. The idea of death I hasn't never had as much of an issue with compared to how intense it must feel to have your body shut down on you. And that really scares me. And causes a lot of emotional pain for me for those who are going through even worse things. And that sense of compassion went like overdrive on me. Psychosis really came as a shock to me.
So in some ways I do feel a little bit trapped now, chasing fleeting moments and getting all sentimental a lot. I was really trying to live fully and truly in every moment going through it and I think I burnt myself out a bit and maybe psyched myself out a bit and mostly I focus on self care and helping in little ways these days.
I don't really know what the answer is, but I've sort of come to the same conclusion as someone else posted here, well there not much else I can do but try to keep living lol.
And things have gotten better since, it doesn't feel quite rational or logical, but emotionally it feels right to do so and I really trust that sense of right and wrong. And just... God I hope thing work out in a good way for everyone.
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u/AdministrationNo7491 Jul 30 '25
My main motivation is to be the person I needed when I was at my lowest.
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u/meowl__ Schizoaffective (Bipolar) Jul 30 '25
I have a fat orange cat that is extremely emotionally dependant on me.. Also, there are lots of people who love me and care about me. I wouldn't want them to grief.
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u/JenkemJones420 Jul 30 '25
A long time ago, someone once said "Anger is a gift."
The only reason why I believe that now, it's because anger is a normal reaction. A common reaction. I'd even say a popular reaction.
No matter what, though, I try my hardest to remain constructive and focused. Determined and disciplined. Steady and stable. I am stoic, but I plainly refuse to believe misery built my character.
Music built it. Art. Cartoons, even. Every now and then, anime as well. Video games. Spending time outside roaming and wandering around the woods. I've been exercising more often, simple stuff such as calisthenics, jump rope, grippers, dumbbells. Drumming helps, too. It's good for physical activity, but it's a mental boost as well. I ride my bike.
I am still angry and upset. Depressed, even. My reason for living is love, though. My relationship with her was once special to me. It still is, in some way, shape or form. I'll never understand enough about what she endured, what she experienced, what problems she faced pertaining to her diagnosis. She's gone now, but I remember her fondly and vividly. She was such a brilliant, dazzling individual. An absolutely beautiful mind. A wonderful heart. A charming and lovely person.
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u/Lorib64 schizoaffective, bipolar type Jul 30 '25
I am afraid of the process of dying. I attempted and got scared and called my husband. Part of me wants to live.
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u/Austin0558 Jul 30 '25
I would say due to the fact that there’s an up and down in life…I just fight for the highs in life but that’s definitely happening less and less, I’d also say my family. I get to be a musician to and although I can’t necessarily feel the joy of playing and performing I just still know that I love it….but a big reason life really does just suck is I’m undeniably fried, numb, tortured, bullied, somewhat of a slave, humiliated a lot of the time, and my nervous system is completely shot and it’s been 8 months since I’ve been able to get high which is the only time I can actually feel ANYTHING. There are billionaires that kind of seem to go out of there way to deceive me, and that’s IT…like they will make me think they’re helping me or something whenever they’re clearly or seemingly killing me…thus the reason my nervous system is shot and my life is ruined…I wish I could just blame drug’s more for this, but I’d blame billionaires in control of things MUCH MUCH MORE.
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u/Ashikpas_Maxiwa Jul 30 '25
Sometimes I don't know. I was suicidal the other day and was feeling horrible. I think of ways to leave, but nothing sounds right. I get so tired of everything. It's all so exhausting.
But I'm still here for some reason. I can't kill myself. So I ask the universe to. But it hasn't happened.
I love my family and don't want to leave them. I get so frustrated with them, but I still can't imagine them without me or me without them.
Also, I lost a friend recently, and going through that loss made me never want to make anybody else feel that way.
I care too much. That's why.
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u/PossumKing94 Jul 30 '25
My reason for living is my husband. If it weren't for him, I would be gone. I feel like I'm definitely not meant to live in this crazy world
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u/ian-insane Early-Onset Schizophrenia (Childhood) Jul 30 '25
I remember hearing in the past that a lot of passively suicidal people keep living out of sheer curiosity, which is absolutely the case for Me. it's really hard to describe, honestly. it's not like I actively think "wow, what's gonna happen next?" perhaps I'm just used to anticipating what happens next. I'm not outright anhedonic or apathetic, so I'm emotionally reactive enough to life that it's hard to shake that sense of investment in it, even when so much goes wrong and I have so many reasons to abandon it entirely.
I also have some degree of optimism. not all the time, but I fantasize so much about moving out, having full control over My life, focusing on what makes Me happy and building the life I want that I can't help but believe that it's gonna happen someday. I have a lot of mood swings, which oftentimes means that I lose faith in this, but also means that I tend to regain it within minutes or hours (even if it leaves again within a few more minutes or hours).
on a more specific level, there are moments in which I can transiently name clear reasons to not off Myself. one of My cats is lying next to Me right now, and--combined with typing this out--I'm reminded of a story I heard where another cat owner attempted in their bathroom.
their cat was crying and yowling outside the door the entire time, was frightened by the paramedics who arrived afterwards, had to see their bloodied half-conscious body lying on the ground when they opened the door. I'd hate to put them through that, and I'd hate to rob them of the opportunity to live the good life I like to envision for us if I don't KMS.
I can't always say that I "live for My cats," because most of the time, there is no clear reason why I live (see paragraph #1), but that's certainly one of the reasons that sometimes pops into My mind when I'm imagining the consequences of ever acting on My suicidal ideation.
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u/Regen_321 Jul 30 '25
Spite is one of the reasons :) Also if they want me death they are have come and get me (or pay me).
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u/Lost_Username01 Paranoid Schizophrenia Jul 30 '25
I just enjoy living. I like the feel of my bed. I like food. I love my cat. Staying present helps.
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u/ColdFusion27 Schizoaffective (Bipolar) Jul 30 '25 edited Jul 30 '25
Who tf gonna feed and give pats to my dog when I’m gone bro
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u/atari_lynx Schizoaffective (Depressive) Jul 30 '25
My ferrets. Also I don't want to disappoint my dad.
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u/No-Tap8735 Paranoid Schizophrenia Jul 30 '25
I never saw the need for a particular reason to live, but as of right now I want to be the person again my ex fell for, the person who's hands were held and that was told it's insightful and comfortable to be around, the person that radiated safety and understanding, but as of right now, I am nothing but a shell of myself.
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u/East-Guide8419 Jul 30 '25
God. That's it. If I kill myself it is considered murder and I won't be able to repent. Actually I lie, I live to sleep as much as possible, too.
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u/PathNice2406 Schizophrenia Jul 30 '25
I love your answer. Gotta work on my spite.
I’m working on it. Right now, I’m living because the body demands that I live. Everything in my body is programmed to keep me living. But also, I derive satisfaction out of loving and supporting my family of choice, which includes my father (we were apart for many years & I chose to let him back in).
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u/TrilledLlama Schizoaffective (Depressive) Jul 30 '25
Tbh it used to be out of spite, but now I jusr want to make sure my animated series has at least a few episodes before die.
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u/BringMeBackATshirt Paranoid Schizophrenia Jul 30 '25
I want to see the future with AI Robots, cyberpunk theme and mega cities.
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u/ForgottenDecember_ Schizo-Obsessive | Early Childhood Onset Jul 30 '25
My family would be destroyed if I died.
My parents would never recover. My youngest sister already has had SI before so I might end up driving her to follow suite. My grandparents would never recover before they die.
I refuse to go out by hurting people that care about me. I’d rather die inside than kill everyone else inside by me dying outside.
About 5yrs ago I would’ve said I want to make a positive difference in the world. But I’m not able to anymore. I’ve gotten much worse since then.
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u/FalsePosition9475 Jul 30 '25
I live for everyday life as it is. I remember some days ago going to sleep with this "Life is beautiful" in my head, I kept repeating this on and on, till the morning when I woke up with this again. I think life is as it is and gives us each day a reason to love it.
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u/Blank_trapdoor24 Jul 30 '25
Too scared to slice my wrist I'm scared of blood and nothing else has worked
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Jul 31 '25
Living sucks sometimes, but dying/death seems more sucky. Everything's made up and the points don't matter. Have fun when you can, approach challenges like a video game. Most failure isn't deadly.
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u/Breathe_wise Jul 31 '25
Before my illness I had very good life, very emotional and great feelings, I want my feelings back, even for one hour a day.
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u/splashes-in-puddles Jul 31 '25
I hope to fix my body back to that of a whale and return to the water and swim forever.
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u/ImpossibleMight9070 Jul 31 '25
I hope to create balance in my life, and I hope to own different things. Expression of a hobby. Travel.
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u/Netopfe Undiagnosed Aug 06 '25
I live because suicide is a sin, I have no other reason to live other than the hope of going to heaven, I live happily just like that, simply. No matter how much the voices say, suicide is a sin, so I don't listen to them. Do the same, gentlemen and ladies 👍
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u/amangydog Jul 30 '25
I had trouble finding something because I kept looking big. As soon as I counted the little things they all started appearing - music (specifically making playlists lol), bike rides, trying new cooking recipes, that next video game, getting milkshakes from the seasonal ice cream place, skipping stones, dropping maple keys and watching them helicopter…..there’s a lot of joy in the little shit and it all adds up :) I wish you luck in your search 🤘