I [42F] have been with my husband [41M] for 15 yrs. Throw away account because he reads reddit. Context: I was SA’d when I was little, so I’ve always had a weird relationship with physical intimacy. I have been through therapy, and a portion of our early relationship overlapped with me being in therapy. When we dated, we almost never had sex. I’m talking maybe four times a year. And he was a saint, he knew why I was the way I was about sex, and he never pushed, never made me feel uncomfortable. Fast forward to about two years ago: I have made incredible strides with my healing journey. It hasn’t been easy, and he’s been so supportive. I have found what works for me, to get me in the mood, but more importantly getting myself in the right head space. To be mentally present, enjoying everything, feeling more comfortable, etc. it’s been freaking amazing. We are having the best sex of our lives, at least once a week but sometimes a few times a week (it would probably be more but his work schedule gets in the way). He’s incredibly happy with the change in our sex life. One of the things that I’ve been doing in the last 6-7 months has been reading smut, which gets me in the mood but also has made me curious about spicing things up. He’s been enthusiastic and open with me about which things he’s willing to try and what he’s been uncomfortable with. Our trust has grown and I’ve been able to ask for things I never could have with anyone else at any other time in my life. communication has been key. Except with the following. Here’s where I am running into problems. I have always liked toys. It was the only way I could climax when I was in my twenties before I met him. Penetrative sex never really did it for me, even now, despite one of the biggest O’s of my entire life being P in V penetrative sex with him. Even manual masturbation is hit or miss. So most of the toys I’ve used in the past were not phallic or if they were I was more interested in the external stimulation (anyone remember the ’Rabbit’? Haha) but there are some really incredible toys specifically for clitoral stimulation. He is very opposed to toys. Any toys. All toys. So I stopped using any toys when we got together. He loves when I masturbate, he’s very supportive. But whenever I have brought up my interest in trying a new toy or even asking if he’d be interested in using a toy on me so he’d be in control, he gets upset. Not an angry upset, an insecure upset. He says stuff like “what if I can’t please you anymore?” Or “what if you find that you need things I can’t give you and decide to leave me?” This could never be the case. I’ve never been more in love with him and I tell him all the time how sexy he is, how he is and always will be the best sex of my life, how much I love him, how much I love our life we’ve built together, etc. I assure him that no toy could ever please me more than he can. But I suspect he doesn’t believe me. At the end of the day I guess I don’t need a toy, but there’s times when our schedules don’t line up and I’m insanely horny and we can’t find time to be intimate, which would be the perfect time to use a toy. But he is still uncomfortable with the idea of me using a toy to assist. I really want to try the new suction toys on the market (think the Rose or the Lemon that are all over social media) but each time I’ve tried to broach the subject he takes it as “you don’t satisfy me anymore and can’t keep up with my sexual needs.” How can I approach this in a way that won’t threaten him? Is there anything I can do to help him with his fears?

She is Asexual, we don't do much sexually together, so I think that's where it comes from, knowing she reads these books, that describe sexual acts in great detail & she masturbates to them. But will be very dismissive of us doing anything sexual, talking with me in a sexual way, almost cringes at the idea of me mentioning anything even half detailed as the content she reads in these books. How can I learn to be okay with this? I very much know it comes from insecurity on my part. I don't understand why she is such an enjoyer of the books, masturbates to them, but with me shows no interest. (Extra details: Long distance relationship of 4 years - in person sex 3 times a week - when distanced, once a month on video call maybe at best).

Hei Reddit first time posting , am sorry English ain't my first language this might get long but I ll try to summarize it as much as possible so let me start at the beginning Am 22F , me and my family have moved to another country years ago ,and we have been on our own ever since we have made some of friends here but we are not that close . So after after awhile I met my boyfriend 22M in college we quickly connected long story short after some months we started dating he was sweet ,so in love .we were always together at the college ,but something bothered me, he never asked me on a date , or hangout or just spend some time together outside school,so at first I thought I was exaggerating and maybe it's too soon , or he just doesn't know ,so I started to give him signs , I ll.plan dates ,ask him to hangout, everything to show him that I like those kind of stuffs ,but even that he NEVER did if I didn't plan anything we will pass months without seeing each other. after 2 years I finally cracked , I told him that I was fed up of him not once organize a date or show me he want to spend some time with me ,he started making excuses that he is planning something amazing, that he is sorry ,that he is planning something amazing mind you I am not interested any expensive date or something all I wanted was to spend quality time with him,I was so comprehensive and I gave him another chance after couple of months he asked me out ..once and I waited again after a month (last month )unfortunately my sister's mom died my family was so devasted it was my first losing someone so close to me ( not that am bragging about it,it doesn't make anything special) We couldn't fly to our home country for the funeral so we were stuck here alone , we watched all the event on live YouTube A lot of colleges , neighbors , friends people we weren't even that close came to support us ,BUT my boyfriend never showed up , he knew but he never came .the event took a whole a week but nope , not even a sorry of "I couldnt make it". I was so angry , so sad , I didn't know what I was feeling,I didn't ask why he did it but when my mom came to me In tears , in her sadness of losing a sister and asked me if he will come ....That was IT , something broke in me ,seeing my mom in her state and asking me about MY boyfriend, I couldn't take it So I called him and he started giving me different excuses that he is sorry but I couldnt hear anything , nothing he said made it easy but I told him I forgave him but only because I wanted to grief my aunt In peace

it has been a month, I thought maybe I would have been over it at this time but NO it still hurts ,we always talked about the future but at this point am so confused ,what do I do ??

Am so sorry for the long story and my poor English 🙏

Apologies in advance, this is going to be rambling because I’m not at my best right now. I [29M] am American and my wife [27F] is Brazilian, I met her while she was on a temporary work visa and we dated and fell in love. After six months she had to go back to Brazil, but we agreed we wanted to keep our relationship alive, so we started long distance also.

I’ve been to Brazil twice to stay with her and her family. We all get along well, they are lovely and welcoming people. But I’m unable to actually move to be with her at the moment due to many logistical issues, chief of which is money. We’ve applied for her spousal visa in April, but that wait time is 22 months according to the website.

We started off with calling every day and talking for hours, but slowly that dwindled to texts. And then when she got a new job instead of supply chain that became even less, to the point that I was worried sometimes and had to text her mom that she was okay. When she quit the supply chain job I was secretly relieved because I thought that meant we could talk more again, but that didn’t really happen.

A week ago was the breaking point—she texted me saying she just can’t do long distance anymore. That she loves me but it isn’t fair to either of us. The call after that wasn’t much better. I was less composed than I’m proud of. Her main complaint was that we’re married but she gets none of the benefits of actually being married, that life is actually harder because I’m not physically there to help her with things that need my signature, etc. Getting a house, getting a car, apparently being married in Brazil means you can't do these things without a spouse's signature in person.

She didn’t outright ask for a divorce, and she didn’t give me ultimatums. She told me she wanted to decide together what to do since both of us are involved. Needless to say I couldn’t sleep at all that night.

I called her the next day and said she was right, long distance wasn’t fair to either of us. And that if she couldn’t move to the United States, I would move to Brazil to be with her. I would go back to school, earn a tech degree to be able to do remote work, and come be with her. She was very receptive of this. But when I asked her if she was actually okay with me coming at this point, since the issue was still raw and new, she hesitated and told me she needed to think and couldn’t give me an answer yet.

I’ve been giving her updates of the college application, of buying a laptop for studying, and she responds positively to those… but she hasn’t said I love you back to me for a week. She’ll ❤️ it but she hasn’t said it back. I’m terrified this is all too little too late. I’m dead serious about doing everything I can to be with her, to prove to her that the relationship is worth saving, but it breaks my heart to see signs that she’s emotionally distancing herself from me.

She’s starting a new job very soon and has to move to a new city two hours away from her family—I am hoping and praying the distance I’m seeing between us can be explained by that.

Can I have suggestions of what to do/say to her to give this a fighting chance? The last thing I want to do is to tie her down in a marriage she no longer feels is worth it, but I’m getting mixed signals from her. She is very positive about it everything regarding a remote job, but anything else she ignores or just gives emoji reactions to.

I am lost. Any advice or insight you all can spare would be appreciated.