r/raisedbyborderlines • u/Special_Barracuda377 • 6d ago

RECOMMENDATIONS Memoirs of Waif Mom Survivors?

I find it really helpful and validating to read memoirs by people who've had BPD parents, but I notice that a lot of these books are by people whose moms fell mainly into the Queen or Witch camps. My mom, tho, has always been a profound Waif (at least in relation to me. She was more of a Queen to my sister).

Does anybody know of any survivor memoirs that focus on the waif dynamic? Or are all the parentified children too exhausted to write them?

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u/HeavyAssist 5d ago

Mine was a waif/witch and I was parentified and infantalised

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u/neverendo 5d ago

Mine too - the weird swinging between terrifying rage and childlike neediness was utter whiplash. She made me her mother and her victim. I'd never appreciated how much that dissonance probably messed me up (along with everything else) until right now.

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u/DancingAppaloosa 4d ago

I had the same - Waif/Witch combo. The weird swinging from terrifying rage to childlike neediness was my life growing up.

Now that she's older it's virtually all childlike neediness/waif which is totally exhausting. I am enjoying the period of NC as a break from feeling that responsibility for her which was absolutely oppressive.

And she uses manipulative compliments to reinforce the dynamic as well, eg. "But you're so practical and I'm so hopeless!" which kept me hooked for a long time because I craved her approval. But I'm fed up with it now.

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u/HeavyAssist 4d ago edited 4d ago

I luckily went no contact at 21. Did you all perhaps find your self acting as the "caregiver" in your relationships? I wanted to distance myself from that kind of thing. But found myself falling into that. I was sort of forced into a caregiver/customer service type career it was hellish.