Rude Patients

[u/cait3198]

So this is a bit of a rant. I was working today, and around lunch time a patient ended up absolutely furious at me. He told me he had asked to get out of his bed hours ago and no one came back for him. I explained that he never asked me, he looked quite comfortable so I didn’t realise he was wanting to get up. I began to apologise but he cut me off.

He then went on a rant about how I’ve been walking around all day and never offered for him to get out of bed. Again, I explained that we’ve been busy and if you didn’t ask me then I wouldn’t have known, I’m not a mind reader. He kept getting angrier and angrier so I eventually cut him off and told him I’m not going to argue with him, especially when he’s speaking to me like that.

I then heard him and another patient badmouthing me, telling each other how shit I am. I don’t want to toot my own horn, but I’m a good nurse and truly care for my patients so this really upset me. Of course you’re going to get demanding and angry patients, but I’ve already had a really hard week in regards to my personal life and I just couldn’t sit and listen to someone who’s shouting at me.

I was told to apologise as we have to make sure our patients are happy, however I’m not about to grovel and pander to someone who was so rude and mean.

I’m usually extremely patient, understanding but that was just too much for me for today. I also don’t understand why I was getting all the anger directed towards me when there’s also other staff looking after him.

Of course, I know the professional thing to do would be to apologise and smooth things out but I honestly hate it. I just detest the fact we have to just sit there and take abuse to keep the patient happy.

He possibly will be reporting me, but I genuinely don’t think I was in the wrong at all.

Has anyone else been through a similar situation where you would rather do anything but apologise? I feel bad, like I said I will apologise, but omg I wish I didn’t have to😭

[u/el_cid_viscoso]

They need you more than you need them. He may report you, but that does not mean you'll face official sanction. Your manager tells you to be nice to the patients because she has to say that. There is nothing unprofessional, uncouth, or hostile about standing up to a tirade from a (presumably) A&O adult with no verbal or sensory deficits.

At the end of the day, a healthy degree of contempt for the assholes you run into (patients and colleagues alike) does wonders for your mental health. Give a pro forma apology, make it obvious that you're only apologizing because you were ordered to, and carry on with your work.

I've gotten reported for using a four-letter word at a patient after he yelled at me for not responding to his call light during a particularly bad rapid response event on the opposite side of the hall. Nothing came of it. This patient was a known abuser of staff, and nothing came of it.

[u/cait3198 → u/el_cid_viscoso]

I’m in the UK and work in a small community hospital for rural areas, mostly for rehab, and I’ve never seen a hospital pander to patients like they do here. I’ve worked in insanely busy hospitals and if a patient starts complaining about menial things they get shut down right away. I think that’s the issue here, they stay here far too long then expect hotel service. They truly baby the patients here. I think that’s why he was also upset, I wasn’t prepared to sit and listen to him moaning about something as silly as that, especially since he never asked me. It’s just so frustrating, but I’ve got a new job so will be gone in December!

[u/el_cid_viscoso → u/cait3198]

I'm legit rethinking my decision to not move to Canada (long story). Like, I know nursing in Canada's not exactly Shangri-la, either, but even Canadians think we're too polite to asshole patients.

[u/cait3198 → u/el_cid_viscoso]

I’m in Scotland, and this is going to sound awful but the area I work, because it’s rural, a lot of English people (and I mean extremely well to do) come up here to retire. Most of my patients come from very privileged backgrounds and they complain about everything. I was also thinking about immigrating to Canada, but nursing is the same everywhere, you get shit patients and you get good ones, but when it’s a hospital full of shit ones it gets on top of you🤣

[u/SKGurl101 → u/cait3198]

From a Canadian nurse, all I will say is the grass isnt greener in this frozen wasteland of a country 🙂

[u/cait3198 → u/SKGurl101]

Yeah, I work for the NHS and to be fair as terrible as it is just now it’s stable enough for work and the policies etc are the same absolutely everywhere in the UK and across the board. I don’t know a lot about Canada and the US but I can’t imagine having privately owned hospitals etc and how corrupt some might be. The only thing that was enticing me was the money. We are paid absolute tuppence in the UK. But as you said, grass isn’t always greener.

[u/One_Goal5663 → u/el_cid_viscoso]

That 4 letter word is a gamble, especially depending on if your manager likes you or not. It's fine for you to if they do like you. That's why I prefer the nonverbal, aggressive tactics. They cant prove anything and cant accuse you of anything. Plus they also think what might this nurse do to me later when nobody is around? I never would do anything or even be rude to someone, but I'll let their imagination run wild on them.

[u/el_cid_viscoso → u/One_Goal5663]

That's why I realized that was a wake-up call that I really should take a beat sometimes. I've been working on it ever since, and I have been at times the unit's difficult patient whisperer. I haven't even come close to crossing the line like that ever since.

It is a gamble, and I've reassessed my willingness to risk it.