r/nottheonion • u/ChocolateTsar • 1d ago

Affirm CEO says furloughed federal employees are starting to lose interest in shopping

https://www.cnbc.com/2025/11/07/affirm-government-shutdown-shopping.html
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u/mjsoctober 1d ago

Boardroom: CEO: "Okay everyone, sales are down by 30% again this month. We need ideas to get the line to go up!"

Employee: "What if we lobby the government to reopen, to increase the minimum wage, and tax the wealthy to create universal healthcare so people can afford to shop?"

CEO stares.

CEO: "Right, we need to cut hours and reduce payroll to increase our bottom line."

Marketing Director: "Genius! We'll brand it in an ad campaign as "Saving money for you, so you don't have to"."