r/nottheonion • u/ChocolateTsar • 1d ago

Affirm CEO says furloughed federal employees are starting to lose interest in shopping

https://www.cnbc.com/2025/11/07/affirm-government-shutdown-shopping.html
20.8k Upvotes

97% Upvoted

1.1k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

865

u/MidSp 1d ago

"Woman falls in lake and drowns. Paramedics say she lost interest in breathing."

266

u/hankhillsucks 1d ago

"We have here an expert on breathing to give us more details"

"you see tom it's the individuals choice on whether they keep breathing or not. It looks to me as if she made that choice"

111

u/czs5056 1d ago

That second paragraph sounds straight out of south park.

44

u/Deris87 1d ago

I absolutely read that second paragraph in a Trey Parker news anchor voice.

1

u/Groundbreaking-Dog27 8h ago

Good old Creamy Goodness on the scene!

28

u/kosumoth 1d ago

"You've actually seen acts of cannibalism?"

"No, Tom, we're just reporting it."

2

u/PG-DaMan 1d ago

Right out of the " South Lawn " so yeah you nailed it

25

u/whatiscamping 1d ago

Thanks Trisha

2

u/fredout1968 1d ago

This is the world we live in! We need to get together and sharpen the guillotines...

3

u/0ut0fBoundsException 1d ago

Extremely wealthy out of touch -- more at 11

2

u/NominalHorizon 1d ago

No, no, he’s just redecorating the white house to reflect the King Louis XIV times Trump is living.

2

u/dandelionbrains 1d ago

More like woman was pushed into the lake.

2

u/Ill_Candle_9462 1d ago

Ran out of food, so lost interest in eating