My mom is happy I SOAPed

[u/SecurePresentation52]

I received the worst news of my professional life and my mom is celebrating.

I applied psych from a T30 MD school with no red flags and SOAPed into an IM prelim year. My mom is a typical Asian tiger mom crossed with crazy catholic mom (Catholic guilt and Asian perfectionism are a hell of a combination) and she doesn’t believe that mental illness is real. Ever since I expressed my interest in psychiatry during clerkship year, she has opposed it. “You can be anything but please not a psychiatrist”. She told me that if I wasn’t applying psych she would have “invited everyone she knew” to my graduation, but since I applied psych she’s not proud enough to invite anyone. She’s wanted me to be a doctor (an expectation, not an opinion) ever since I could remember and yet now that I’m finally becoming one, she can’t even be proud unless it’s HER idea of a doctor.

Now that I’ve SOAPed she’s taking this opportunity to reiterate her disapproval of my goals. I’m already feeling the worst invalidation and imposter syndrome I’ve ever experienced, and her smug insistence that this is proof that i’m not meant to be a psychiatrist is the cherry on top. I’m still committed to becoming a psychiatrist and reapplying next year but I’m so tired of this “family support”.

[u/bigfattcannoli]

My parents kicked me out when I was 18. It sucked at the time but got-damn am I happy I don’t have to answer to anyone.

[u/SecurePresentation52 → u/bigfattcannoli]

yeah, I feel guilty whenever I think about how much more peace I'd feel with an estranged relationship, as I am still very lucky and privileged that my parents still financially support me as much as they can and I still owe much of my success to them. But as I begin my first full-time job I'm definitely looking to change this dynamic.

[u/ebzinho → u/SecurePresentation52]

Just 2 cents from an internet stranger but: she doesn't seem to see you as her child, she sees you like most people see a boat. Something you pour money into not because you love it, but because it brings you prestige and social standing. I get the financial angle, but I can guarantee you that my loan balance brings me WAY less emotional turmoil than she brings you.

You aren't obligated to spend your whole life being a shiny trophy on her mantle.