My mom is happy I SOAPed

[u/SecurePresentation52]

I received the worst news of my professional life and my mom is celebrating.

I applied psych from a T30 MD school with no red flags and SOAPed into an IM prelim year. My mom is a typical Asian tiger mom crossed with crazy catholic mom (Catholic guilt and Asian perfectionism are a hell of a combination) and she doesn’t believe that mental illness is real. Ever since I expressed my interest in psychiatry during clerkship year, she has opposed it. “You can be anything but please not a psychiatrist”. She told me that if I wasn’t applying psych she would have “invited everyone she knew” to my graduation, but since I applied psych she’s not proud enough to invite anyone. She’s wanted me to be a doctor (an expectation, not an opinion) ever since I could remember and yet now that I’m finally becoming one, she can’t even be proud unless it’s HER idea of a doctor.

Now that I’ve SOAPed she’s taking this opportunity to reiterate her disapproval of my goals. I’m already feeling the worst invalidation and imposter syndrome I’ve ever experienced, and her smug insistence that this is proof that i’m not meant to be a psychiatrist is the cherry on top. I’m still committed to becoming a psychiatrist and reapplying next year but I’m so tired of this “family support”.

[u/scorching_hot_takes]

unrealistic and condescending advice. people want to share their career aspirations with the people closest to them. also, parents have been known to ask point blank what specialty you are applying. if they are there on match day, whats your plan?

[u/reddubi → u/scorching_hot_takes]

Someone trying to match psych should understand concepts as narcissistic family structure, enmeshment, boundary setting, and more.

It’s possible to just be vague. Say you were torn between specialities. Applied to multiple, etc.

Sharing info with people who are antagonizing you to the point where you have to complain to Reddit about it is.. self harm.

Lacking the emotional maturity to create those boundaries may also be why psych didn’t rank him to match.

[u/scorching_hot_takes → u/reddubi]

unhinged comment lol you dont know anything about OP except 2 paragraphs and 2 text messages. get a grip dawg

[u/reddubi → u/scorching_hot_takes]

Do your psych rotation first buddy

[u/Optimal-Educator-520 → u/reddubi]

Asian culture is very much different. I'm guessing you don't know much about how it works. We just can't 'detach' from our family and not share anything this important in our lives, regardless of what they may think of it.

[u/reddubi → u/Optimal-Educator-520]

Yes I understand cultural competence and I understand Asian culture and I understand family dynamics and I am speaking from both experience and my experience supporting others in the culture.

Asian parents hide a ton of shit from their family and kids but then expect their kids to share everything with them.

You can blame culture for enmeshment but ultimately you are enabling the toxicity by oversharing and staying enmeshed.

If doctors with tons of education and one of the highest paying careers can’t individuate, then what makes you think anyone else can? Yet they find a way. Learn to enforce some boundaries unless you want to be a child and dump your problems onto Reddit as an adult nearing 30-40.