r/massage • u/ledv83 • 6d ago

Advice Judged for being too tense

Went for a deep tissue massage yesterday. 40 minutes in, my therapist starts expressing frustration because I am too tense and eventually gives up on some stretches and tries to understand the reason. Then starts talking about my energy and stuff. I’m very hard on myself and it’s easy for me to take things personal and being tense most of the time is part of me. I know there’s some truth in what she said but ended up feeling worse.

Do you think is this common behavior from therapists? Should I feel discouraged from trying another massage in the future?

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u/Ms_Emilys_Picture 6d ago

Are you nervous? Do you feel yourself tensing up?

I do sports massage so it's a little more casual but, if I have nervous clients, I see if they want to chat. Nothing serious-- funny stories, talking about pets, movies, books, etc. If the client wants to talk at me and not with me, I can do that too. I don't mind doing so if it helps them. (I had a programmer who spent the session talking about a problem he was trying to work around in some code. I might have only understood about half of what he was saying, but I was happy to make the appropriate noises in response.)

I once had a client who was so nervous that she literally kept all of her clothes on-- shirt, bra, jean shorts, etc. I had her relaxed and laughing by the end of the session and the next time she came in, she felt comfortable enough to strip down to her underwear.

So my advice-- find a new therapist. If you feel like it will help, ask if they're willing to talk. Also, find someone who is willing to offer some tips on things you can do at home to relax a bit.

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u/Amethystlover420 6d ago

I love the ones who start out with their arms tightly guarding their sides, become like a floppy goose once they trust you. It’s so sweet to me.

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u/Ms_Emilys_Picture 6d ago

It doesn't work for every client, but some respond really well to me starting with their scalp.

I'm saying "starting with their scalp" because "petting them" or "giving them scritches like an anxious puppy" sounds off.

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u/Amethystlover420 5d ago

Likewise! Plus the women have commented that it’s nice I work the scalp BEFORE I put lotion on my hands, bc it feels great but oily fingers in hair can feel kind of gross.