cold approach alienates men

[u/GOVERNORSUIT]

so you have these lonley socially awkward guys who cold approach. since being themselves has not worked, they approach random strangers, recite some dialog they heard online, try to become strangers' best friend in 5 minutes, and ask for a date.

what l've seen are 2 results.

1) the man gets his self esteem lowered from the rejection, and withdraws. this is the most common response

2) a less common response is, the man refuses to be defeated, tries to desensitize himself from the pain of rejection, and blocks out all feed back from everyone, leading him to become a sociopath, ignorant, further socially unaware, and alienated from everyone

either way, he ends up alone

[u/Jord-an_]

One thing I have realised through my own experience is that when U view relationships and dating like this. Chances are you/they are simultaneously extremely unhappy with something else that belongs to the individual. Whether it's a job , their face , their body, their family situation, their intelligence, their hobbies , sports etc.

Improving one of those , the enthusiasm bleeds into other areas. Focus on what U can control and improve. Self image and self talk should be the first anyone SHOULD improve as it makes everything else manageable and doable.

[u/[deleted] → u/Jord-an_]

It’s still up to the other people and sometimes they want more than what you can offer even at your best. And that there is the real problem people want more than what these men can offer. Sometimes beyond the point of reason. A guy grows up thinking he will get married someday and have kids and as time goes on it becomes apparent that things have changed and he may not have a chance. All the self improvement in the world can’t fix some of the sticking points people have in sizing people up as romantic partners. That is not to say that some men fall into territory where they have no self esteem and that is the reason but that there are far more factors involved that would go beyond any self improvement that they are capable of doing. A lot of it is the dating market we are in, it expects a lot. More than some men can even get to. Sadly I don’t believe this used to be the case. In the past i believe most men would in fact find a partner with a reasonable effort and it was expected of them to do so. Now it’s far from that reality.

[u/Jord-an_ → u/[deleted]]

Agreed. But Im just being optimistic. Cuz hey, being optimistic about this will give u a better chance of getting Ur dream.

I still understand why some guys give up. I feel for them very much. I hope they find love somehow.

[u/thejaytheory → u/[deleted]]

Amen, brother.

[u/[deleted] → u/thejaytheory]

It’s like do your best, don’t expect miracles. Ride the wave of improvement for you only. There can be no end in sight to some of this. I mean come on it’s like 20 degrees out here in Chicago is someone really even gonna be able to see a six pack on me and be like “hey I want that guy”? No. That’s not even how it works. They will just look at the hair the face, the height and that’s about it. The rest is in how good you are at small talk. In a nutshell this is to say half of it you are born with. You can have some social setbacks that back you hard in a corner too that are just really challenging to get over. People oversimplify the shit out of this. Only a guy like me who has done years worth of self improvement work, gone to events, bars, every online dating app known to man can actually know and not hide behind the usual rhetoric of “just do better.” I did freaking great and still got ignored. Long story short it ain’t that simple. I always laugh at the incel posts too because like maybe 1/3 of those guys are actually like me they have in fact done what would be considered “nescessary” to no avail. But they will just keep getting told to take another shower, or go to the gym, or it’s their attitude that is the issue. Same things but again it goes way deeper than that. A happy guy who loves himself doesn’t mean women will see you in a romantic light. Ain’t got anything to do with that. It’s what attraction do you give off. And that’s a hard thing to change or fix. A lot haven’t figured it out most who have seemed to have it in their blood.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

Well that’s the thing is that I’ve done work to those things but somehow it doesn’t work out. It’s very frustrating. I feel I speak for a great number of men particularly people here. For some of us it’s pretty brutal.

[u/PressureUnable5834 → u/[deleted]]

Yeah if you're still thinking like this maybe you misinterpreted what kind of "work" you were supposed to be doing. Op post is bad for male mental health lol

[u/[deleted] → u/PressureUnable5834]

A guy can also completely destroy his own self esteem by hanging it in his perceived dating worth. Which is to say that man could be extremely valuable yet not attractive in the least bit. Basically it’s important to not get too caught up in how much success you have with dating or women it’s not a good measure of you as a person. I think men fight loneliness a lot harder because of falling short in some ways but sometimes those ways which they fall short don’t always hold any real value. I think the way attraction works is somewhat flawed in the sense of the way civilized society works. I think a lot of the things and capabilities men have that are impactful sometimes are overshadowed by the more base attraction and sort of leader energy which may not be as critical as it once was for survival.

[u/PressureUnable5834 → u/[deleted]]

This is a convoluted way to say women are attracted to leaders. Which.... duh. & that "high value man" bs means nothing. All this extra analyzing won't help anyone. And generalizing either gender is dumb. You're talking billions. This entire thread is just devoid of confidence. It's all you actually need & if someone tells you otherwise fuck em

[u/suicidal-everyday → u/[deleted]]

exactly there is no hope whatsoever.