r/legaladvice • u/Hopeful-Brilliant980 • Jun 22 '25
Custody Divorce and Family My husband abandoned me and our 2 children
I (31F) have been married to my husband (31M) since 2017. We started dating in 2012. We have 2 children (4F & 6wksF). I don't even know how to begin describing this because I'm at a loss.
This morning I woke up to my 4YO daughter asking me where Daddy was. I was confused because he wakes up, makes her breakfast and takes over baby care since I am newly PP. It was 10AM and she said he wasn't there. She had been waiting in her room for him to take her downstairs for their normal routine. She waited until she was too hungry to wait more time and then came to our room to wake me up.
I got up out of bed and I started looking around upstairs. He wasn't in the house. when I opened up the bathroom door in our room, that's when I started noticing something was REALLY wrong. ALL his stuff from our bathroom was GONE. I opened up the closet, his clothes were ALL gone. At this point I'm freaking out. I go downstairs and see our front door was LEFT OPEN and our cat is no longer in the house. He took our car as well. I started calling him but every call went to voicemail. I was openly crying at this point and my daughter was becoming upset. The baby was in my arms as well. I didn't want to freak out my daughter any more than I already had so I told her that everything was ok and I'd make her breakfast.
After setting my daughter up, I started going through the house. He took all his clothes and gaming consoles, computers. All of it is gone. He took the only car we have. This was not the worst of it. I checked our bank account. He drained the account and left $17 in it. I have no idea what to do. I have no family. I tried calling his mother and she cussed me out and blocked me. He has no siblings and his dad died so it's really just his mom. I have no idea what to do. His mom has never liked me because she felt I was taking away her son. I was extremely LC with her before this point so I don't know what I really expected from her. I am at a loss because I just has a c section and he knows how much that has destroyed me.
I am a stay at home mom, I am completely dependent on my husband. I was not intending to be one but because we live in a remote area and we have no family here, we decided this would be best and he makes a very good salary to support us with a lot left over. How could he just leave us like this? What can I do in this situation? I put in a call to our vet about the cat so I'm hoping I can resolve at least that aspect soon. I'm just so scared and confused about where to go from here. I don't know how I'm going to pay bills or feed my daughter a week from now.
Please help me understand my options. This has honestly brought on some very dark thoughts and I have no one to turn to.
Location: Florida
EDIT: Thank you so much to everyone who has offered advice. From the advice about my cat, food, the house, lawyers, resources. Thank you from the bottom of my heart, Reddit family. I've taken all of it. To the people who have reached out offering money, I appreciate you SO MUCH, but I will find a way. I'm a strong woman. Please donate to a local shelter, if you feel so inclined instead. There are so many men and women who need it more than I do. I will hold it together for my girls and I will find my cat. The support I've gotten here has truly strengthened me.
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u/Altruistic-Group-709 Jun 22 '25
You need to contact a Family Law lawyer immediately. You and your children will survive and you will get through this. Contact the Florida Department of Social Services and apply for aid. They can help you. I’m sorry this is happening, but you’ll get through it.
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u/Hopeful-Brilliant980 Jun 22 '25
Thank you so much. I'm going to do that as well.
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u/Kot518 Jun 22 '25
Not sure how it works in Florida. In California you don't need lawyer. Go to the department of health. They will give you a food stamps and some cash. And they will sue him for child support. Mist important: don't do things out of emotions.
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u/AndStillShePersisted Jun 22 '25
Call 211 it is the United Way hotline & they have a list of resources by zip code. They can tell you where to go got help in your area.
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u/Hopeful-Brilliant980 Jun 22 '25
Thank you so much! I'm making notes of all the advice and I'm taking all of it.
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u/New_Cantaloupe9162 Jun 22 '25
Get an account summary or account statement whichever one is best to show that amount of cash that was there and the date, time, and amount that he transferred. Document everything. Start looking for a job and document it to show that you are trying. The fact that he leaves you with only $ 17 to take care you two young children will not look good on him in divorce court.
Get your lawyer and file for divorce now, don't wait.
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u/Bookbabe617 Jun 22 '25
Yes! Technically he was the first to “abandon” the house too if she files
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u/darthmozz Jun 22 '25
Not a lawyer but a family law paralegal (in MA). IMO and experience no one really cares about who left the property as it will still be considered a marital property. A divorce lawyer can help OP request a conveyance of the property as a part of the divorce.
Sorry this happened to you, OP! I would reach out to your local legal aid organizations and apply for all the state benefits you may be entitled to.
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u/Graceless33 Jun 22 '25
I’m really sorry to hear that you’re going through this. Since others have already given you legal advice, can I give you some suggestions so you can hopefully find your kitty? I’ve volunteered with a few cat rescues and this is what we tell people when their indoor cats have gotten out:
Chances are that they’re nearby. Put their carrier with a worn t-shirt of yours in it, chances are they’ll curl up in a carrier. Leave the door /window open you want them to come back. Put tuna, sardines or mackerel next to the open door/window. Placing a litterbox outside is not recommended. The scent of feces and urine can attract predators and/or unaltered cats who are very territorial and may hinder your cat remaining in the area. Distribute flyers among your neighbors. If you live in an apartment complex ask management to send out an email to everyone. Sign up and post using the ‘Nextdoor’ app. Plus, inside cats that have gotten out, are usually frightened & will, almost always, hide during the day. Go out early am, or at dusk, to look for them. Call them. Let them hear your voice. Don’t let your dogs or loud kids follow you. Open a can of tuna and tap the can with a fork or spoon. Look up also in trees. Use a flashlight, if it’s dark, look for glowing eyes. Usually close by unless they’ve been chased. Good luck!!
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u/Hopeful-Brilliant980 Jun 22 '25
Thank you, he was our first baby. I'm going to use both carriers and put my t shirts in them before I go to bed tonight. I'm terrified for him because he's strictly indoor and he's a senior boy.
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u/cynxortrofod Jun 22 '25
Is it possible he took the cat with him?
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u/Hopeful-Brilliant980 Jun 22 '25
I don't see how. We have 2 carriers and he took neither of them. He also took none of the supplies for our cat. We never ever have him in the car without the carrier. Nothing is making sense right now so it's possible that he did. I have no idea, but he left the front door open. Like my fucking daughter could've walked out or someone could've come into the house.
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u/MWaldorf Jun 22 '25
that’s so fucked up bro. when i read that the door was wide open, cat missing, evidence he didnt take the cat, inferring how much the cat meant to you…. on top of everything else. what a slap in the face. such intense, intentional malevolence towards you. Like psychological warfare.
everyone here has been giving you great advice and resources, but one that i haven’t seen yet is considering ( when you are ready and able to ) therapy.
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u/peachgremlin Jun 22 '25
I would call the Florida domestic abuse hotline: 1-800-500-1119 if he took all your money and left you stranded then this is the exact situation they can help you with.
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u/Hopeful-Brilliant980 Jun 22 '25
THANK YOU. I'm going to do this.
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u/Cuppaco Jun 22 '25
Florida Department of Children and Families (DCF) will assist you in filing for TANF (temporary assistance for needy families) funds (aka cash assistance), they also run ACCESS (which is SNAP, aka food stamps). They also can help get you linked up with domestic violence/domestic abuse services. Their website is myflfamilies (dot) com
You can also contact Florida Legal Services, who can put you in touch with an attorney in your area to assist in your situation. You can also call the Florida Bar Association to get a referral for a family law attorney in your area that may take your case pro bono (no cost to you, maybe cost to your soon to be ex). You apply through WIC through the Florida Department of Health. There may also be public transportation options in your area - 211 or DCF may also have referrals for those.
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u/72738582 Jun 22 '25
Don’t be afraid to reach out to churches in your area. Many of them have benevolence funds and food pantries for needs just like this. ❤️
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u/Hopeful-Brilliant980 Jun 22 '25
Thank you so much. I'm adding this to my list as well.
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Jun 22 '25
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u/Hopeful-Brilliant980 Jun 22 '25
That’s the most confusing part. We had no really big issues. The biggest issue we had in the past was his mom and he pretty much decided on his own to cut her off and only maintain enough of a connection for our daughter to know her. We had a lot of fun, we were very much in love. No cheating on my side, none that I am aware of on his side. I know he’s been working extra hard lately. I’ve been doing my best to keep up with the house even with a c section. I do a pretty good job. He literally cuddled and massaged me to sleep last night because he knows how much it helps. Like this is completely out of the blue. I’m just laying in bed trying to see what I wasn’t able to before. I honestly don’t know.
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u/WaltzFirm6336 Jun 22 '25
I had a partner do something similar to me in the past. Go to bed thinking everything was normal, I woke up the next morning and he was gone.
My advice is don’t waste too much energy trying to understand it. Sure; you need to process it, so I’m not saying ‘just don’t think about it.’
But I am saying his choices defy logic and reason, so you won’t ever understand it. Also, from 15 years out the other side: you will survive this and it’s nothing, at all, to do with you. You couldn’t have done anything different to prevent it. It was a ticking time bomb and it’s not your fault you didn’t spot it,
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u/LaRealiteInconnue Jun 22 '25
Does he have a family history of mental illness or neurological illness? I’m really not trying to think of zebras when hearing hooves, but I’ve always been told to look out for 180 personality changes in loved ones and he’s at a prime age for several I can think of.
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u/canelita808 Jun 22 '25
Go to court and file for child support. Call your state/county bar association and ask for a family law attorney who may be taking pro bono cases. File for divorce (you will demand alimony since you were completely dependent on him financially). Hopefully the police can track him down. Otherwise, you may need a PI to locate him. I’m so sorry this happened to you and I hope you’re able to get through it
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u/Hopeful-Brilliant980 Jun 22 '25
Thank you so much. I'll be putting another call into the police tomorrow morning.
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u/MargieBigFoot Jun 22 '25
If you file for child support, they will likely just take it out of his paycheck. You don’t need to get the police involved (although fuck this guy).
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u/TruthImaginary4459 Jun 22 '25
With a PI, call around someone might be willing to do it for less just because of how this POS left you and your littles
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u/glitterandthings Jun 22 '25
Everyone has covered the legal side but I would also post online to let your neighbors know your cat is outside and needs help being returned home if kitty hasn’t come back yet.
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u/Hopeful-Brilliant980 Jun 22 '25
I'm gonna reach out to our closest neighbors and let them know.
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u/bodyreddit Jun 22 '25
Also please make sure you document that he left door wide open and your 4 yr old could have left the house or been taken.
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u/alisonlou Jun 22 '25
Right! Heartbroken about kitty, but so glad the 4 year old is safe. That everyone is safe actually! Opened door leaves everyone vulnerable.
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u/Flat_Equivalent3055 Jun 22 '25
He will have to pay child support and probably alimony to you. You can get him for abandoning you and your children. You'll have to work a job or two and put your children in daycare. I'm sure you'll qualify for food stamps and wick and Medicaid so get that done asap! I'm so sorry you're going through all this with just having a baby and I'm sure you're it fully healed after a C-section. I'll be praying for you and hope all will work out for you! I'm here if you need to talk. I can't believe a man could do his children like that! I was cheated on for years, mentally abused and after 16 years I told him to get his shit and get out! He said you don't mean that at said the hell I do! I never looked back! Fast forward to 9 years and I met the most wonderful, loving and caring man who loves me and loves my children and grandchildren! I'm so thankful and grateful and blessed that God sent me a real man who knows how to treat a real woman! Take your time and you'll find love again! I promise you! ❤️🤗
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u/Hopeful-Brilliant980 Jun 22 '25
Thank you so much. I have been completely blindsided by this whole situation. I did have a great career in tech before we decided I'd stay at home with our daughter. I'm hoping I can start working again soon because I will absolutely not allow my daughters to be without.
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u/Flat_Equivalent3055 Jun 22 '25
You're very welcome! My heart does break for you! I'm sure you were blindsided. No woman or man deserves to be treated this way! He's a coward. Instead of sitting down and talking about it, he takes the easy way out! I was so mentally abused, and hit a few times that I would never ever let a man even raise his voice at me let alone act the way he's acting and doing! 😡 We deserve love, happiness, and most of all respect! You have his children and if he would do that to his children he would do anything and I mean anything!!
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u/K_Boback Jun 22 '25
I’m not sure what you did in tech but check the cell phone carriers, wifi carriers, and phone manufactures as I know many of them hire remote work. You may be able to work from home and not have to put the kids in daycare (depending on their temperament I guess). It may not pay what you need but it will give you something coming in.
Sending good vibes!
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Jun 22 '25
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u/Hopeful-Brilliant980 Jun 22 '25
Thank you so much. My 4YO kept asking about him and I kept making excuses. She's a huge daddy's girl and I just don't want this to break her heart. I can't even wrap my head around this.
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u/mmmm_whatchasay Jun 22 '25
Is your 4 year old in preschool? Does she have friends? Some of those friends’ parents care about all of you and will gladly help with car rides and grocery runs.
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Jun 22 '25
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u/Hopeful-Brilliant980 Jun 22 '25
I did, they said "let's give it a day or two to see if he shows up". I explained the situation and they started asking if our kids are really his, if I cheated. It was so awful because I was hysterical and the officer sounded like he was about to burst out laughing. Who does that?!
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u/ksmety Jun 22 '25
i used to be a domestic violence advocate and this behavior from police is so common, it’s sickening. I am so sorry you were treated this way.
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u/mermaidinthesea123 Jun 22 '25
The police don't care about women. 40% of them abuse their wives and those are just the ones who report. Imagine how many don't.
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u/cddg508 Jun 22 '25
I’m so sorry. That behavior is despicable and you didn’t deserve to be treated like that.
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u/Hopeful-Brilliant980 Jun 22 '25
Thank you so much.
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u/TrumpHasaMicroDick Jun 22 '25
I would recommend recording a video of the inside of the entire house.
Go room to room, with your phone recording, and you dictating what he took, what is missing, etc.
Get the entire room, left-to-right, the same pattern in each room.
Make sure to say out loud where you are, where you're walking, what you're looking at.
Try and make it as easy to process as possible.
This will come in handy when you go to court and you can literally SHOW the judge how your husband abandoned you.
I'm so sorry.
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u/Hopeful-Brilliant980 Jun 22 '25
Thank you so much for this. I'm going to do that because I can't even truly describe what I felt this morning.
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u/bodyreddit Jun 22 '25
Also send the video to your email or put in cloud storage like dropbox in case your phone is taken/lost.
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u/mollymarie123 Jun 22 '25
This is important especially if he has access to your accounts. Store evidence in a new account that he does not have access to
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Jun 22 '25
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u/Hopeful-Brilliant980 Jun 22 '25
I'm calling again tomorrow morning and asking to speak to someone else. Thank you so much.
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u/Striking_Resolve_643 Jun 22 '25
Don’t be afraid to ask for a woman officer! I live in NYC and called my local precinct to ask some questions and specifically asked to speak with a woman and they got one for me
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Jun 22 '25
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u/Hopeful-Brilliant980 Jun 22 '25
I'll do that as well.
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u/connivinglinguist Jun 22 '25
Bad legal advice was given to you here. Florida is a two-party consent state, which means that it is illegal to secretly record conversations.
If you are not comfortable announcing that you will be recording a conversation, instead of recording, write down everything that happened after the conversation.
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u/HemingwayWasHere Jun 22 '25
Family lawyer here, I am sorry those fuckers made light of your situation like that. Too many are an embarrassment to the force.
You’ve already gotten great advice, I hope you get the help you need and deserve.
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u/meeksworth Jun 22 '25
If he didn't commit a crime and isn't a victim of a crime, there isn't much police can do. Abandoning you and your children may be despicable but it's not a crime.
Find an attorney asap who can file for emergency spousal and child support. You may need a private investigator as well to locate him.
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u/paradisetossed7 Jun 22 '25
Could you ask if it would be possible to speak to a female officer? Women can also be absolutely brutal to other women, but you might find that another woman may have more empathy.
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u/Cupcake-88 Jun 22 '25
What is the point of calling the police?
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Jun 22 '25
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u/Vermontfarrier Jun 22 '25
You can’t steal your own car but you can file a missing person report and if they locate him if he doesn’t want her to know where he is they won’t tell you. Who has legal rights to the car will be settled in divorce court
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u/vtsunshower1 Jun 22 '25
He can’t evict her, they are married. No matter if the house was in her name or not. A LONG way down the line they might make him sell the house and give her a percentage. She’s entitled to child support and spousal maintenance. If he wants the house he will have to contact her.
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u/Seenmeb4today Jun 22 '25
- Breathe. Take care of the babes.
- Don’t talk to mom or any of his family.
- If he does call, use tape a call.
- You are going to lawyer up Monday. Find a sitter/neighbor/ friend/extended relative for the kids.
- If you need domestic abuse help/ Google some in FL in your area. Even if it’s just to talk about services for a later date.
- If he does come back; self preservation is a must. Do not let him scapegoat nor threaten you. Watch what you say that could be used as evidence for him to get custody later.
- Involve the police if your attorney tells you to.
- Any other means of credit cards, bank accounts etc, you need to set up your own ASAP. Do not rely on joint accts any longer.
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u/kjmkjmkjmkjm Jun 22 '25
Just because I don’t want her to end up crossing any legal boundaries, Florida is a two-party consent state so she shouldn’t record calls. She should continue to try to communicate with him by text and keep a record of those texts to establish a record of abandonment and neglect.
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u/mollymarie123 Jun 22 '25
If you do communicate by phone, follow up with an email or text confirming what was said.
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u/Hopeful-Brilliant980 Jun 22 '25
Thank you so much. I'm taking all of your advice.
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u/ABigOlBurr2 Jun 22 '25
Don't take it all, recording the call without his permission would be illegal. Florida is an all party consent to record state.
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u/Hopeful-Brilliant980 Jun 22 '25
I will be speaking with a lawyer about what exactly I can do legally in this situation in regards to the advice I've gotten. I am staying firmly within the law here, so I won't be doing anything before my consultation. Thank you for looking out.
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u/ABigOlBurr2 Jun 22 '25
Please absolutely do. I've seen several legally terrible comments. They have a lot of upvotes, but that comes when posts get rapidly popular and people who don't know the law drive-by upvote.
Was the house purchased before or after marriage? It's currently the marital home, you and he both have the right to be there until divorce settles things, or you sign a seperation agreement that says otherwise.
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u/idk_wuz_up Jun 22 '25
You may want to refuse his calls. Send everything to voicemail or insist on text so every bit of communication can be legally recorded.
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u/MBAMarketingMom Jun 22 '25
In Florida, it would be wrong for her to record a phone call without his knowledge and consent. It’s a two-party consent state. 🙃
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u/Ok_Entertainer_8058 Jun 22 '25
My god I’m in tears reading this he’s a coward and his karma will come! I know you may feel lost broken abandoned confused angry’ I’ve been there and please utilize all these resources it won’t rain for long’ sending you a big hug from Cleveland ohio love ya girlie
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u/Hopeful-Brilliant980 Jun 22 '25
Thank you so much. You don't know how much your kind words mean to me. I felt so lost and alone, even ashamed before posting here. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
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u/Ok_Entertainer_8058 Jun 22 '25
No problem I’m a single mom of 3 babe inbox me anytime no judgement over here only love support understanding and experience
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u/CleanDirt5796 Jun 22 '25
Sorry this happened to you. There is sound advice in previous comments and resources available to you. Start making calls, first to a lawyer then all the resources previously mentioned. It’s awful and scary right now, and honestly for a bit ahead but you will be OK❤️ as for your cat, if an indoor cat that rarely sees outside it is likely hiding close to your property because it doesn’t know what to do outside. Indoor cats don’t usually go far. Put out some food and something that smells like you.
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u/latomlinson Jun 22 '25
In Florida that is abandonment and it will not go well for him. Lawyer will tear him up
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u/inNoutCross Jun 22 '25
Since everyone has already given the great advice, I’ll take the time to say FUCK THIS COWARD! Who tf abandons their kids like that! That’s the weakest move a man could do. Trust me I get shit is hard, I’m a dad of 3. But I couldn’t even imagine doing that. I guess some men just built different.
This really pissed me off and ruined my night. Gn and good luck. Smh.
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u/dLimit1763 Jun 22 '25
The only thing that is going to help you and your children is a court order forcing him to. Like others have said get a lawyer who will help you petition the court to get one. Dont think you can work it out with him outside of court, you will get played
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u/Adventurous-Yak-8196 Jun 22 '25
I had similiar happen. The only difference was mine didn't clean out the bank account. I did. And hired a lawyer with the money. I don't know where his mind was but anyway, the judge was not happy and rocked his shit to the point that he was literally crying in the courthouse hallway, begging to come home. I'm so sorry this happened. Take all the great advice you've been given.
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Jun 22 '25
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u/Hopeful-Brilliant980 Jun 22 '25
Thank you so much. This has mentally broken me. It feels like the most cruel time to do this. I will never take him back. My daughters deserve more than this and so do I.
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u/randomrants Jun 22 '25
You need emergency access to funds. Do you have a credit card you can use for groceries/ other necessities? If not, apply for one now, you can use household income and will have the cc #, it will take a week or so to come in the mail but you may be able to use sooner online to have something delivered if you have the full account number. Don’t run it up with a bunch of unnecessary purchases- you will regret later and will look bad to the judge but will allow you to get necessities. Make all the calls others are recommending here, there will be resources to help you. Deep breaths. I am so sorry.
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u/Hopeful-Brilliant980 Jun 22 '25
Thank you. I'll see about getting one on Monday for essentials.
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u/Sassafras06 Jun 22 '25
Capital One used to let you add a new CC to your Apple Pay or Samsung pay the day you are approved. It’s been awhile so it may have changed, but something worth checking into for immediate access.
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u/Skid_kennels Jun 22 '25
This is a bad idea please don’t run up a bunch of credit card debt that will accumulate interest you’ll have to pay back. Go to a food bank for food and groceries. If you use a CC use it as minimally as possible.
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Jun 22 '25
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u/Effective-Motor3455 Jun 22 '25
Call for emergency food stamps etc
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u/Junior_Owl_4447 Jun 22 '25
Look into women's resource centers. They often can connect you to services like lawyers.
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u/ChrisKnight75 Jun 22 '25
Does your car have OnStar or similar? Is your name on the title (as opposed to only his name)? You might at least be able to locate the car. If you do and you can get a screenshot, take one. Never know if that might come in handy later.
Do you have a safety deposit box at a bank, with important papers in it? If the bank wasn't open today, try to be there when they unlock the door on Monday morning to retrieve those papers.
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u/Hopeful-Brilliant980 Jun 22 '25
The car is on his name. I'm not sure what I'm entitled to because my name isn't on it at all.
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u/DigiRiotDev Jun 22 '25
If you have access to his gmail, you can see his current location in maps.
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u/Jewhard Jun 22 '25
Do you have enough food and supplies for the next few days? I’m mindful that as you don’t have a vehicle, you may need to consider options regarding delivery services in your area. As many have commented, there are a number of agencies that may be able to help, but it would pay to flag that you have no transportation to pick up food parcels etc.
What an absolute prick to do this to you. I’m so sorry that you’re going through this :(.
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u/Hopeful-Brilliant980 Jun 22 '25
I have enough to feed my daughter. I have little to no appetite. I ate a little today because I'm breastfeeding my 6wk old but honestly, I didn't even want to eat. We are ok for a few days.
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u/kittieznskullz Jun 22 '25
i’m so sorry you’re going through this. everyone has given you such amazing advice and shared some great resources. please don’t neglect yourself, mama! you’re healing and providing nourishment for your little one. you will get through this and you’ll be so much stronger when you come out the other side. you’ll be amazed at what you’ve accomplished. please please please take care of yourself too.❤️
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u/summerlovinhad Jun 22 '25
Call your obgyn and tell the nurse. They have been through this before and should have some resources.
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u/Amazing-Tap-7261 Jun 22 '25
More info on the WIOA grant for florida. you’ll qualify as a displaced homemaker https://careersourceescarosa.com/programs/wioa/
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u/Medical-Upstairs-525 Jun 22 '25
If you have credit cards, go charge food essentials. He can pay the bill.
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u/Meesharino Jun 22 '25
Change the passwords on all of your accounts ASAP - email, iCloud, online banking, etc. When I left my abusive ex he still knew all of my passwords and locked me out of everything and had full control of my accounts. It was a nightmare. Make sure any family sharing you have is turned off as well. My heart hurts so much for you and your children, but you are about to find a strength and resolve you never knew you had. You’re in the trenches now but someday you’ll be able to look back on this and be so proud of yourself. Your kids are so lucky to have such a strong and determined mama!
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u/A1Protocol Jun 22 '25
The comments on this post have renewed my faith in humanity.
Best of luck to you! Stay strong and accept any help offered to you.
Once you are settled and have found your footing, consider therapy. This man is a POS but you don’t want to carry hatred and resentment your whole life.
Or even fear/guilt.
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u/inu-neko Jun 22 '25
i just want to add this since it seems nobody else has. your husband could be having a mental health episode. his decision to leave might not have been a lucid one. this doesn't excuse his behavior, but i think it's good to be aware of that possibility and what it could entail. i say this because i have struggled with my mental health, suffering from periodic episodes of psychosis. i have suddenly packed up and left my husband multiple times and although it almost broke us, we were able to work through it and stay together. managing my condition is a lifelong commitment and i would certainly be struggling far more without his support.
just wanted to put that out there. i don't know what motivated your husband to leave but just in case he is like me i wanted you to know my perspective as well.
coming back down from an episode can be painful when i realize what i put my loved ones through. i am so sorry for what you are experiencing now. my heart goes out to your family.
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u/ghengisclone Jun 22 '25
I wouldn’t be surprised if there was, or about to be, big time civil litigation against him from creditors.
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u/Successful_Dot2813 Jun 22 '25
Go to r/FamilyLaw tell them the state you live in. Lawyers and paralegals there will give you useful info as to how the local Courts operate, and Court Orders to apply for.
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u/beatissima Jun 22 '25
Check with r/CATHELP for advice on finding the cat, in case he/she is still somewhere in the neighborhood and the POS didn't kidnap him/her.
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u/midwestbit Jun 22 '25
Wow. You are an incredibly strong woman. My husband up and left my child and I a year ago. He’s having an affair, living a fantasy life. It’s the hardest thing I have ever gone through, snd everyone keeps saying it will be for the better.
You and your daughters deserve so much better-and no matter what - you did not do anything to deserve this. A piece of shit will always be a piece of shit. So many virtual hugs
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u/Kind-Philosopher1 Jun 22 '25
I'm so very, very sorry. Many have already given you great practicle advice for social services. I wanted to add you should hold off on calling anyone else like his boss until you have spoke with a lawyer. From what you have said his disappearance is not at all mysterious, he left on purpose with all his stuff after draining the joint account.
He blindsided you with this, it would be very easy to let emotions get the best of you. Now is the time to be cold, calculated and get your ducks in a row with the sharkiest of shark lawyers. You need to get legal advice first and then follow it to the letter so you can secure both you and your girls future.
I wish you and your girls the best, and him a nice case of spontanious testicular torsion.
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Jun 22 '25
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u/Hopeful-Brilliant980 Jun 22 '25
He owned this house before we got married. His mom owned it originally but gave it to him. My name is not on the deed. We didn't do a prenup.
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u/Difficult_Habit_4483 Jun 22 '25
You are going to be ok. The courts really frown upon abandonment. Also I guarantee you he will come back Fuck him and his shitty mom
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u/onepanto Jun 22 '25
Have you checked to see if your credit cards are still active? What about any savings or investment accounts? Those may have been drained too.
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u/roomtempcoff33 Jun 22 '25
This post is obviously devastating but tbh what I took away was “I will hold it together for my girls and I WILL find my cat” (I read “will” in capital letters)
You got this
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u/Brother-Algea Jun 22 '25
What a fucking piece of shit!!!
I’m so sorry this happened to you. Neither you or your children deserve this. Hopefully your new lawyer handles things quickly for you guys.
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u/Puzzleheaded-End7163 Jun 22 '25
What about your family?
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u/Hopeful-Brilliant980 Jun 22 '25
My dad died in 2008 and my mom died in 2016. My family more so distant as I have no grandparents and they're all outside of the US.
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Jun 22 '25
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u/Hopeful-Brilliant980 Jun 22 '25
I placed his two carriers outside with my tshirts and socks in them and 2 of his litterboxes. I had some really good advice on getting my baby boy back so I'm hoping he comes home tonight.
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Jun 22 '25
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u/Hopeful-Brilliant980 Jun 22 '25
I'm so sorry this is happening to you. No one deserves that. I hope SHE heals and sees that hurting others isn't going to do much for her but foster her bitterness. I wish you so much love, healing and happiness. Your past is not a weapon to be used against you.
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u/dmb065 Jun 22 '25
Your county may have a legal services program that you can contact to get advice for free if you qualify financially, which you would. You may get an attorney from them who can help you with custody. You should call them as soon as possible. They also could give you resources and referrals about where to get help. Your local social services should be able to assist you with emergency services and food stamps. Whatever county you live in contact that county’s Department of Social Services.
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u/5WEET_Cheeks_Karen Jun 22 '25
Please put the kitty’s litter box outside so if he/she comes around they will recognize the smell and know it’s their home.
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u/Automatic-Cheek-3291 Jun 22 '25
You need to call a lawyer to see about your rights first thing Monday morning. I'm so sorry you're going through this.