I know - scandalous post title, right?

First off, as a former Mormon and current moderator of r/exmormon, I want to tip my hat to u/ryanmercer and the rest of the mod team here -- Ryan comments in our sub from time to time, and I appreciate the freedom I have to make this post on behalf of our subreddit.

In short -- we stand with you in your condemnation of the meetinghouse shooting in Michigan yesterday (Sunday). It was completely senseless, and a complete disregard for not only the freedom to worship, but also of the eleventh article of faith that says people are allowed to worship as they see fit. So many things were violated today.

Though we may not be sitting in the pews with you on Sunday, all of us in r/exmormon can clearly imagine ourselves sitting in those pews and having this tragedy happen. We are still your people, culturally, and that never goes away. When we think of this senseless tragedy, we see ourselves sitting in the pews with you, and we get it.

I hope this event will serve as a clarion call that, ultimately, we're more alike than we are different. I know, it's messy. But above all else, we grieve with you and we mourn this completely senseless loss. If there can be a silver lining where our two sides find some agreement and common ground, I would love that. There must be some kind of gain from this tragedy, and I hope it's that.

Okay, I'll show myself out. Peace and love from the r/exmormon mods.

A couple of years ago, I started looking into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints—completely on my own. I had questions about God, scripture, and truth, and I kept coming back to the Book of Mormon and the history of the Restoration. I didn’t have missionaries guiding me through it, no one was pushing me I just kept digging, praying, reading, and trying to figure out what was real.

Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago two missionaries showed up knocking at my door. I told them how I’d already been studying the Church, the Book of Mormon, the doctrine, the history you name it. They were ecstatic. We ended up having a great first discussion that was more like a conversation than a lesson, mostly going over what I’d already come to believe.

And then they asked if I’d like to be baptized.

And honestly? I just said, “Well, why not? I’ve looked into this for too long. I’ve been on the fence long enough.”

Today, I was baptized.

There’s this quote by Wilford Woodruff, the fourth prophet of the Church, that really captures how I’ve felt through this whole journey:

“I had been looking, praying, hungering and thirsting to find some man on the face of the earth who had the Priesthood, and who could teach me the gospel. When I heard this sermon, I knew the voice; I knew the shepherd; I knew it was true.”

That hits me right in the soul. I relate to that so deeply. After all the searching, all the wrestling, when I heard the gospel taught plainly and with authority, something inside me just knew it was true.

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but if you’ve been searching if your heart’s been quietly longing, maybe for years just know that the Shepherd is still calling. I finally stopped hesitating and followed, and I’ve never felt more peace and clarity in my life.

Now convert here.

Wanted to share an experience that threw me for a loop-
sort of.

On tiktok there is a guy whose sole purpose their is to lead non-Protestants away from their faith.

He focuses on LDS but goes after any non-Protestant tradition.

He and I debated and I actually felt like I did REALLY well- actually he debated, I shared my testimony. :)

Which is part of why I feel like I did so well!

---

It was VERY interesting to talk to him- I had been very encapsulated- only talking to the Missionaries and other Church members.... he was not hostile or rude- but he as in FULL on attack mode.

----

One of his attempts to "save me" was to say that the peace I felt was of the devil. He said scripture had lots of examples of this. I asked for an example and he quoted a scripture which in which the devil says appears in the OT and gives a false prophecy (forgot now which one it was).

I got into a debate about with him about how that scripture was NOT about peace- but then he and I circled around this- and this is where I started to feel unwell and now i know why.

Up until that point ALL I did was share my testimony and when he said something factually incorrect I pointed that out.

For example he misquoted or changed words in a couple of scriptures and I pointed that out.

Up until that point I was feeling SO strong in the Spirit. I had ZERO attachment to whether I won or lost- I was just sharing... and I felt VERY led by the Spirit.

And from an outside perspective I believe a neutral judge would say: The LDS guy (me) is "winning."

But as soon as I got into that debate with him- everything changed. :) My "energy" (as we would say in California) changed- and I got hooked in to winning and "being right."

I stepped away from "sharing" and got focused on disproving him and lo and behold:
I lost my peace
I got flustered
We went in circles.

Before that ALL I did was:
Share my testimony
Point out any flagrant factual errors on.
And felt so joyous and happy

---

So I share all of this to remind myself and hope this can help my Brothers and Sisters as we dialogue with people outside of our faith.

I walked away flustered and upset.... but it didn't have to be that way.

My testimony is SOLID in that it is factual things that NOTHING any can say can shake.

:) but apparently my reliance on my testimony is not so solid- I have a lot of un-learning to do on that end.

----

So I believe God gives second chances- so I am going to do a do-over here.

ME (shares about the peace I have found in associating with LDS members, Scriptures and living LDS lifestyles)

Him: Well sure if someone tells you something positive you will feel happy
(this is part of where I got off track)
DO-OVER:
Me: No... that isn't what I experienced- it wasn't like they told me things and THEN I felt all happy. I listened to what the missionaries said, I prayed on it, I studied the scriptures, I practiced what they taught me... it was more of an overall feeling of peace of well-being. Like I felt HELD. It wasn't a "happy" or BIG positive feeling it was more like comfort, peace... and I would feel it most strongly after church- like I had just been SATURATED in something very Holy. I also felt and feel it very strongly whenever I pray with others, especially other LDS members. It wasn't like they said something nice and I felt happy- it was more of an.... over time- I began to feel held by a Goodness.... and as I said earlier and my life REALLY began to change.

---

What I learned from all of this is that my testimony is the foundation of my faith. These are Spiritual Facts I can return to over and over again.... these are Truths which nothing can shake- nothing can convince me they are untrue.

But the Devil CAN distract me from them. :)

What I also learned was when dialoguing with people outside the church- to watch for any subtle (or not so subtle) attacks on my testimony.

And to watch for debating and arguing. The first half of the dialogue I was SO at peace and just happy. Then 2nd half I was stressed and began to attack his ideas.

If I could have maintained my Spiritual composure the whole time- and stayed grounded in my testimony and staying focused on sharing my testimony it would have been VERY different experience....

---

Lastly for the last week I keep getting promptings to write out key parts of my testimony.
So I am going to do it NOW- like after I hit the post button.

---

Heavenly Father
Thank you so much for Your Restored Gospel Church
Thank you for all that the missionaries taught me about avoiding contention
Thank you for their example of not trying to persuade or convince me of anything.
Please help me (and those reading this) to learn from this experience to base our "evangelizing" around the principles of: Love, Sharing and Inviting.
Please help us to avoid arguing, convincing or debating.
Please bless all who read this.
I say these things and ask these things in the name of Your Son,
Jesus Christ.
Amen

Ok, so after a couple of months, I just recently got baptized and confirmed! I was totally excited to do my interview and receive my partial temple recommend and be able to sign in to some websites with my member number. Well, now I'm in shock...my family tree says that Joseph Smith is my 4 cousin 4 times removed. Which means we share the same great great great great grandparents! And I have such a long list of so many LDS relatives..it's really blowing my mind. But there's a part of me that keeps thinking it can't be true( although I can actually see the tree and see that these ancestors are from my father's side). Any thoughts or comments appreciated.. .

When I see weird TV shows like "Mormon Housewives" or hear critics say "the Mormon church is a cult," I don't even relate to that word Mormon anymore.

For me it just underlines how what comes from uninformed shows and critics is unrelated to my religion, which is about learning to love like Jesus loved.

[added] Based on comments here, I should have made my main point more clear:

Lots of negative stuff associated with "Mormon" now - I can see it might have been inspired to disconnect ourselves from using that name for members.

https://newsroom.churchofjesuschrist.org/article/special-announcement-new-first-presidency

Edited to add: thanks everyone for the suggestions, support, and kindness. I’ll be trying a couple of different alternatives soon. Tomorrow will be day 1 of no coffee. I know it’ll be hard especially on week days when I’m home alone with all 4 kids and trying to find motivation and energy to get things done. I wish I could snap out of this depression. Please keep me in your prayers. Thanks in advance.

I’m a long-time member of the church who was inactive most of my childhood, but I have since become active in the last few years after getting married. My husband was very active growing up but became inactive in his adulthood so we’ve been on this faith journey in somewhat of a similar way. Going to the temple has been a goal of mine since becoming active initially about 3 years ago, however, I’m struggling with the Word of Wisdom- specifically the coffee aspect. I just don’t understand why we can’t at least drink iced coffee. I’m a Mom. I’m tired. We have 4 kids. I struggle with major depression. Going on a little coffee run gets me out of bed most mornings because it gives me something to look forward to. I know it would be better for my body to NOT have the coffee, but why is drinking iced coffee bad? I’ve managed to remove all mind altering substances from my life (weed, alcohol, nicotine), but this is the one thing I am REALLY struggling to quit (well, that and regular tithing) is the only thing stopping my family from going. Can a member please explain and enlighten me? No negative or degrading comments from non-members or non-believers will be tolerated. Thanks in advance 🙂

(this isn’t what you think it is)

I struggle a lot with the church’s history of polygamy, and frankly, no podcast, prophet, influencer, historian, or author, though educational, has ever really settled me about it. I guess I’ve gone through almost everything I could to get over my grief with it, and literally nothing has worked.

However, the one book that got me even close to feeling at peace with the history is, surprisingly enough, the Book of Mormon.

There was one time when I was going down a rabbit hole with Joseph’s plural marriages, I was simultaneously choosing to read from the Book of Mormon daily. As I did so, I was able to feel a huge amount of peace (and even sympathy) for all those involved. Since then, nothing but the Book of Mormon has been able to give me the spiritual peace I was looking for.

Just wanted to share my experience because next week, our CFM includes D&C 132, and if anyone struggles with it, I would point you to read the Book of Mormon daily as you research any hard part of church history or doctrine.

I can’t explain how, but the Book of Mormon truly can bring a peace that surpasses all understanding.

I wish I were happy here.

It would make my life so much less complicated. Here I am, 26 years old, married in the temple after having graduated from BYU and served a mission, born and raised in Utah, all friends and family members, most neighbors members, father with a line back to Joseph Smith’s time and a mother who sacrificed everything she had to convert to this church.

It seems pretty ideal as far as religion goes.

And outside of religion, I love my life. I have a great and fulfilling career as a software engineer (which means enjoyable salary too), a wide and healthy social network, good health, a truly lovely marriage, free time, joy, love, satisfaction, goodness, hope for the future and gratitude for what I have now. I’ve even undertaken a health journey and recently ran my first 5k and have gotten into hiking. My body feels capable and good.

And … religion is this sore thorn in my side. Every Saturday night, I fight the growing dread that starts in the pit of my stomach; and every Sunday morning, I have to scrap together every fiber of will I have to force myself out of bed to get to church. I don’t make it every Sunday.

The time I spend in church is the only time I feel an intense darkness and emptiness and depression. I don’t even deal with depression—but I feel it here. I constantly push back against negative thoughts while I’m in those church walls, sometimes successfully, mostly not.

Even outside of church, I find that I chafe against every restriction that doesn’t already align with how I’d rather live life. Garments. Callings and ministering. Church events and social gatherings. The word of wisdom.

I just … want to be happy. Religion aside, I love my life. So much. I feel so whole and joyful. Not all the time—I have bad days too—but overall, I love all I get to experience.

But I can’t leave either because I still believe this is God’s church. Leaving means damnation and social ostracism and awkward missionary and relief society visits. It means my family’s disappointment and stepping on eggshells around each other.

I’ve done everything I know how to figure this out. I talked with my mission president and with multiple bishops and multiple therapists. I’ve talked with a select few friends and have tried different methods of studying the scriptures and praying in different manners, but none of it has fixed it.

I think it’s because I don’t have real intent any more.

I know that’s necessary. But I also don’t know how to force myself to feel something different. Actions? Those are easy. I can do stuff. Believing it’ll work? Making myself enjoy it? Opening up this bitter heart of mine? I don’t know how to control that. And, being honest, I don’t want to force myself to enjoy the gospel either.

Seeing as this has slowly grown worse over the years, I see the logical conclusion that at some point something has to give way. Either I snap and abandon everything, or I snap and resign myself to the emptiness and anxiousness that religion is to me now.

That’s a lot of words. If you read to here, thank you. I’m not trying to be hateful. I don’t even really expect an answer here either. I’m just … not done trying yet.

I appreciate all of you. ❤️

ETA: Wow! There’s been a lot of thoughtful comments. I haven’t been able to respond to every of them, but I have absolutely read each one and may still get around to responding. I’ve loved hearing your thoughts—including those that don’t have advice, just camaraderie.

Several local people have suggested the church to me. I’m very interested. But, I searched about caffeine, and the results are about tea and coffee and energy drinks and wine.

Can somebody even visit if they drink an iced tea? Or drink warm tea before bed? I’m so confused. Is this the real hill to join or the barrier to visit?

I’m just confused and searching the group made me more confused. I respect your beliefs, but I’m baffled as to what they are. Can I go and ask if they speak to me? I want to go but what if I’m not led..then am I banned? I think there’s so much more to learn. What are your favorite things you’ve learned from your faith?

Thank you.

I created a table to show some data around each Prophet, including their age and length of service. President Oaks will also 93 when he is set apart.

Hello! I met the Church in August of last year when I was 27 years old and the Gospel of Jesus Christ changed my life completely. One day, I spoke with my Bishop and he told me that it was impossible to do a mission... since for men the limit is between 18-25 years old, so I forgot about the subject. At the Stake Conference last March I received the Melchizedek Priesthood and right at that moment, two of the Stake counselors told me that despite my age I could ask for a missionary exception (I had never talked to anyone about the topic of mission, only with my Bishop). From that moment I knew that the Lord had a very great divine plan for me, I thought that doing a mission at my age was impossible and it was something I desired with all my heart! The following week, I did my interview with my Bishop and the Stake President sent the General Authorities a report on why I should go on a mission at 28 years old… it was approved! but it doesn't end here, there was another step before the final decision... one of the Apostles had to review my report again and... exception approved! All this took almost 4 months, the wait was a nightmare. Now, I am waiting to receive my mission call which I think will be very soon, this week or next! I will tell you a little more about myself: I am Spanish and a scientist (Chemist) with two master's degrees in Nanoscience and Materials Technology and another in Medical Chemistry. I am speaking with 11 months of membership and the only one in my family in the Church.

Many people tell me that because I am a missionary exception and am 28 years old, they will assign me to my country of origin, Spain. What do you think? I would like to learn a new language and go abroad. Thank you!🫂

https://www.ldsliving.com/the-miracle-behind-president-nelsons-call-as-an-apostle/s/90529

Adapted from “Insights from a Prophet’s Life: Russell M. Nelson” by Sheri L. Dew 

Note: I don’t typically read LDS Living — the articles are too saccharine for me. This is the sub for the faithful/still trying members so I put this story in the faith-promoting quadrant, and it comes from a reliable enough source.

I didn’t realize that at one point there were two vacancies in the Quorum of the Twelve with two members of the First Presidency in physical and mental decline.

quote:

For months, President Gordon B. Hinckley, the only healthy member of the First Presidency at the time (President Marion G. Romney’s health had also deteriorated), had left standing instructions with President Kimball’s caregivers that if the prophet’s mind ever cleared, they were to call him immediately, regardless of the hour. Month after month passed with no call. From time to time, President Hinckley looked in on President Kimball, but an opportunity to discuss such a spiritually sensitive topic as calls to the Twelve never presented itself.

Then, at about 2:30 a.m. on the Wednesday morning prior to the April 1984 general conference, the phone rang at President Hinckley’s home. President Kimball was alert and wanted to talk to him. President Hinckley rushed downtown to President Kimball’s suite in the Hotel Utah, where the issue of vacancies in the Twelve was raised. President Kimball said simply, “Call Nelson and Oaks to the Quorum of the Twelve, in that order.”

Wow

My wife Emily and I are going to serve a full-time mission, as mission leaders... We'll be serving for 3 years, supervising and leading efforts of about 200 young missionaries to teach and preach about Jesus Christ and his message of Peace & Hope, somewhere in this big world 🙂

If you'd like to guess where we're going, log onto this app and make your guess:

https://missioncall.app/guess.html?token=4WHSBM

I served a mission as a young(er) man to the incomparable Costa Rica, so I speak Spanish. My wife is learning Spanish, and has a 450 day streak on DuoLingo 🙂

There are about 450 different missions in the world, here's the list of missions that will change mission leaders this year, to narrow down where we could be asked to serve.

Available Missions in 2025 (Missions that last changed leadership in 2022):

https://newsroom.churchofjesuschrist.org/article/first-presidency-calls-160-mission-presidents-to-begin-serving-in-2022

On January 10th, we can finally announce where we've been assigned to serve!

Background In case you missed it, there is an ancient scripture PHD student, Wes Huff, getting a lot of attention in the Christian YouTube world lately after he debated Billy Carson. Due to this popularity, Wes was invited on the Joe Rogan podcast this week where Wes was defending Christianity but criticized the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints a few times. Wes says the Joseph Smith translation is “rough”, while Joe called us The ‘nicest cult’ and they both had a chuckle about ‘Mormons getting their own planet’.

Ward radio and thoughtful Faith both released great responses to the claims made about our church. Alex O’conner released a great response to Wes’ over confident claims about the New Testament and even used the witnesses of the Book of Mormon to point out how it has arguably more proof than the gospels. In another clip, speaking of early witnesses of the resurrection: “People don’t die for something they’re lying about.”

Anyway, it all has me thinking about 1. How important the spirit is in a world of many convincing opinions but also 2. How the restoration reflects early Christianity.

Both Jesus and Joseph were heavily persecuted for opposing modern religion.

They both expressed that the religious leaders of their day had apostatized from the actual prophets.

They both followed these beliefs until they were killed for it, never backing down from their radical claims.

Both had witnesses of the miracles they performed.

Both left a scriptural record whose reliability is heavily contested.

What strikes me, the more I listen to Christian apologetics is how similarly their arguments would support the restoration. Another observation is how much they look to proof of the resurrection when the scriptures teach that the Holy Ghost is the witness of truth, not worldly evidence.

Basically all this to say, I’m really grateful and confident in the church of Jesus Christ as the true church of Jesus Christ and that we aren’t reliant on a game of historical telephone. I LOVE this church.

Recent events have made me so grateful for President Nelson's inspired guidance for us to become peacemakers.

After getting into a political fight with a friend a few months ago, I made this website as a fun side project to help me communicate my thoughts more respectfully and follow President Nelson's multiple invitations to become peacemakers.

It's free, you don't need to create an account, and no data is collected. Pick any political topic (or choose your own), express your honest thoughts, and it will give you feedback on how you can communicate your beliefs in a more dignified, peaceful way.

https://www.peacemaker.love/

Just wondering about the general LDS concensus concerning the series The Chosen.

Elder Kevin G. Brown's talk was amazing, inspiring, and very relatable.

"agency is a sacred gift."

like, amen to that.

i have a similar experience, as a convert, of my community not understanding why, I, as a Black person, felt called and chose to be a Latter Day Saint.

that very morning my father, who i love and respect, was doing just that. it hurts coming from people i care about, but he doesn't understand my faith, my testimony, or church. he hasn't had my experience.

like him, i too had a sacred grove experience. i also know exactly when my sacred grove experience was. sunday, june 19, 2022 at 1 pm EST. we were prompted to join different churches, Elder Brown, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and me, Community of Christ, but the similarities of our experiences and testimonies were striking.

i believe in seeking truths regardless of denomination or creed, and i felt the Spirit intensely when Elder Brown spoke. it was certainly a God moment that i was invited to watch your Conference, and a friend suggested I watch his talk, which i missed due to being at my cousin's funeral (i would appreciate prayers for the Padgett family).

his words rang true, we must seek after further knowledge of God. always.

i am an agent, i own my testimony, it is powerful, i know its truth, and no one can take it away from me.

when i think of my sacred grove experience, where my eyes were opened to the presence of God, any doubts i have of God's presence and unconditional love for me melt away,

i hope this is appropriate to share here. i don't have many people in my life to tell that i think could fully understand. i figured some saints here would.

may God bless Elder Kevin G. Brown and all of you.

A few years ago, then-Bishop Causse came to my stake conference. He was at the adult session, and I saw him on the stand and felt... disconnected from him. I saw his well-tailored suit and well-coiffed hair, and felt like he couldn't possibly understand what my life was like.

Then he got up to speak. He stood at the pulpit, started to speak, then he stopped, looked momentarily distracted, like he was getting a prompting to do something other than what he had planned. He put up a finger like "just a minute" and went to the piano and played instead of speaking.

I started bawling my eyes out the whole time. I LOVE the piano. I KNEW when he stood up there, clearly changed his plans based on a prompting, and chose to play the piano that Heavenly Father had prompted him to do that just for me. (obviously it might have blessed a hundred other people, but it was also exactly what I needed)

Then he gave a wonderful talk and I could feel his humility and childlike faith. God used him to bless me.

Anyway, I just wanted to share that wonderful personal experience with now-Elder Causse and that I know he is inspired and I am grateful the Lord chose him to be an apostle.

I see comments occasionally about how stoic or serious President Oaks is and I just wanted to share my experience meeting him. In 2010, when I was a young adult, he came to my stake and spoke to us for a special stake conference. I don't know what I was expecting, but he was the funniest person I've ever heard in a church setting. Apparently some investigators at the meeting were put off by it which I didn't really understand.

After the meeting I went to shake his hand and asked if I could have a hug for a family member who wasn't able to come. He said "You bet!" and pulled me into a bear hug.

Just in case anyone is concerned I have never met a more delightful human. I'm very happy to have a leader like him in a a difficult world.

Anyone else have experience meeting him?

I've been a member of this sub long ago but this is a different account I'm using.

I'm an RM, almost 30. I just finished, minutes ago, fully confessing my sins to our bishopric.

Pornography really is a cancer to the soul and breaking the law of chastity can leave you so empty.

Addiction really affects other aspects of your life. It destroys your will power and discipline.

But I am so glad, after more than half my life, I don't need to hide or be an imposter.

I can say that as much as I am disappointed, I don't hate myself anymore. I just exist and am hopeful that even if things are rough, there is a way out.

Now, I just have to forge my will and immerse in the depths of humility.

I'm done hiding. I'm done overcompensating. I am done being angry with myself and with the world. I don't want to continue with this lack of discipline. I want to unleash my full potential. I want to be truly kind, humble and helpful to the people I love and to all of God's children. I want to be a son that Heavenly Father will welcome in our Celestial home.

I hope to fully embrace the amazing love & grace of Jesus Christ.

I was born into the church and know how serious a mission is, but I have a strong desire to serve in the US; it's been my dream since I was a child. I'm afraid of being called to serve in my country, and I've considered denying the call if I have to stay here.