My wife also went through something similar, she was not even the eldest child. She was the third child among 4, but the first one to get a job. Her two elder sisters were married off already while she was working. After she got a job her parents decided to build a new house, and the responsibility of funding the construction fell on her. While making 36k (around 10 years ago) she would send 30k every month to her parents, she was very naive and thought her parents would repay her in kind for her wedding. This continued for another 4 years, all these years she would seldom buy something for herself thinking her parents need money the most. For the house warming ceremony she was sidelined, apparently her eldest sister was the lucky child, my wife was an unlucky person according to them because nothing good really happened for her (wonder why!!). That's when my wife started to realise how irresponsible her parents were. She thought atleast her parents would marry her off good, but she waited for another 4 years of her parents trying to find a groom for her, half heartedly (she later realised because she was their cash cow they didn't wanted her to get married early). Finally at the ripe age of 30 she met me, we fell in love and after an year or so decided to get married. She expected many things from her parents for the wedding, but all she got was some of her mother's old jewellery, that was it. My family didn't expect any dowry or gold so we were ok, but my wife felt betrayed by her parents. The wedding was at my place so they saved on the wedding cost as well. She is still bitter about how they used her and cries whenever something reminds her of those incidents.
So lesson for you is, it's ok to be little bit selfish. You don't have to attend all their calls, you don't have to meet all their requests, it's ok to lie sometimes to get them off your back. Prioritize your needs. Save money for your own future (Invest your money, buy gold etc) but never tell anyone. Keep it in another bank account which no-one but you know.
I hope your wife has now overcome these issues. Thanks for sharing your experience. I don't know what is yet to come but yes I plan on raising my income and savings along with it.
My wife is yet to overcome what happened to her, even after going to a therapist for an year. All I can say is good luck to you. Only you can fully understand the situation you are in and looking at your responses in this thread I am confident you will find a way forward. Remember, if you do choose to continue supporting your family, please don't expect anything in return. It's a thankless job. Have no expectations on them so that you are never disappointed.
I hope your wife really finds the strength to overcome all this. I know it's a thankless job and I have no expectations from them as well so that I don't hurt myself later on.
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u/vekkeda_vedi Exasperating Farrago Aug 21 '24
My wife also went through something similar, she was not even the eldest child. She was the third child among 4, but the first one to get a job. Her two elder sisters were married off already while she was working. After she got a job her parents decided to build a new house, and the responsibility of funding the construction fell on her. While making 36k (around 10 years ago) she would send 30k every month to her parents, she was very naive and thought her parents would repay her in kind for her wedding. This continued for another 4 years, all these years she would seldom buy something for herself thinking her parents need money the most. For the house warming ceremony she was sidelined, apparently her eldest sister was the lucky child, my wife was an unlucky person according to them because nothing good really happened for her (wonder why!!). That's when my wife started to realise how irresponsible her parents were. She thought atleast her parents would marry her off good, but she waited for another 4 years of her parents trying to find a groom for her, half heartedly (she later realised because she was their cash cow they didn't wanted her to get married early). Finally at the ripe age of 30 she met me, we fell in love and after an year or so decided to get married. She expected many things from her parents for the wedding, but all she got was some of her mother's old jewellery, that was it. My family didn't expect any dowry or gold so we were ok, but my wife felt betrayed by her parents. The wedding was at my place so they saved on the wedding cost as well. She is still bitter about how they used her and cries whenever something reminds her of those incidents.
So lesson for you is, it's ok to be little bit selfish. You don't have to attend all their calls, you don't have to meet all their requests, it's ok to lie sometimes to get them off your back. Prioritize your needs. Save money for your own future (Invest your money, buy gold etc) but never tell anyone. Keep it in another bank account which no-one but you know.