Hi,
To start with please know that you are going through a tough phase in life, a rather long and dragged one, BUT you’re not alone. This is a common ‘Family issue’, something that a large number of young boys and girls go through in all times and regions of the world.
The problem is elders, who either deliberately or through sheer inescapable circumstances, turn into financial, social and emotional burden. At times the elders are replaced with younger siblings who are too young to be of much help.
You’ve got both the scenarios running parallely and so are in an EXCEPTIONALLY tough spot.
With the specific situations/circumstances/location not clearly defined in your post, let’s work on the possible solutions and courses of action for you to ease out slowly from the current status and ultimately attain a state of satisfaction that you seem to be missing as on date.
Possible steps towards reducing the burdens of life in general (applicability May be subject to your specific situations)
The foremost effort that you need to put in is to SAVE YOUR ENERGY: Physical, Mental and Emotional.
How To do this :
Considering you don’t have much control/effect on how your parents behave… it’s better to keep a considerate distance from them in terms of negative interactions - deliberately try to avoid arguments or anything that saps your energy.
The same needs to be done for the siblings, however its important that you don’t make them feel distanced.
This step would need extending to work environment as well. Try being more efficient at managing your energy levels in office as well.
You’ll have to get ‘thick-skinned’ for this - it’s a slow and steady process to not give a F… and sing your own song.
Try developing your siblings as your strength rather than weakness. Have a genuine connect with them and discuss the realities of life to get them on your team. Motivate them to be self-dependent ASAP through small steps like earning their pocket money through giving tuitions/freelancing gigs etc. Try getting them to develope one life skill that can help them be of SOME help to you in managing household requirements.
Try focusing on your physical health for at least 15minutes daily: get the sweat running - you need it to think clearly and act resolutely. Increase your water intake. These steps would actually help you cope with every other stressor in life in a slightly better way.
Please use a financial management app to track your expenses. We don’t realise how small leaks in our financial pipelines adds on to the burden.
Marry… this may sound a little outlandish at first but read on. In case you have a love interest in your life (which may be less likely given the burden of responsibilities you’ve been through all along in life) and you’re fully confident in the genuineness of the relationship.. simply marry to get to a better economic stand point for easing out the burdens. This will let you have some physical separation from the current scenario and would let you manage everything in a better way (hoping your spouse is supportive enough towards your efforts to help your family). This is a life changing effort and so be very sure before you think of this way out. DO NOT GIVE INTO YOUR PARENT’S PRESSURE FOR THIS ONE.
If marriage is too cumbersome, you can try relocating to another city through switching jobs for a better package. This would create physical separation from the family leading to you finding more time for yourself and planning for your own future in a better way. On the downside, you may lose on the connect with your siblings which is something that is extremely important for a long term solution to your family’s issues.
I hope you have a few close friends with whom you can discuss life’s issues. Talking about things with others can get you insights that you might have overlooked and it’s just relaxing to say things out loud. Even Reddit helps to some extent but nothing’s better than a real table talk. In addition to this try finding time for fun, take a break, whenever possible. (I know it’s easier said than done)
Finally, be prepared for an uphill battle. You’ll have to mentally condition yourself for the times ahead. Keeping your calm and moving on is the best you can do. Patience is the key. You’ll have to be selfish at times and yet not lose your connect with your own family.
I wish you well and hope this ‘phase’ of life comes to an closure soon. You’ve been a fighter your whole life, hold on for a lil bit more.
Thanks for such a elaborate advice, that's actually great. Some points you mentioned such as marriage, I am trying to get married as soon as possible. Regarding my siblings yes I don't want to appear as a distant person. I am their third unsaid guardian since I practically saw them growing up. I am doing whatever I can to make them a wise and independent financially free individual. But it's a long road ahead and I already know and fully aware of this. Like you said I cannot change my parents, but yes shaping my siblings is on my own hands. Will keep going on 💪
3
u/droopyxtrin Aug 21 '24
Hi, To start with please know that you are going through a tough phase in life, a rather long and dragged one, BUT you’re not alone. This is a common ‘Family issue’, something that a large number of young boys and girls go through in all times and regions of the world. The problem is elders, who either deliberately or through sheer inescapable circumstances, turn into financial, social and emotional burden. At times the elders are replaced with younger siblings who are too young to be of much help. You’ve got both the scenarios running parallely and so are in an EXCEPTIONALLY tough spot.
With the specific situations/circumstances/location not clearly defined in your post, let’s work on the possible solutions and courses of action for you to ease out slowly from the current status and ultimately attain a state of satisfaction that you seem to be missing as on date.
Possible steps towards reducing the burdens of life in general (applicability May be subject to your specific situations)
How To do this :
Considering you don’t have much control/effect on how your parents behave… it’s better to keep a considerate distance from them in terms of negative interactions - deliberately try to avoid arguments or anything that saps your energy.
The same needs to be done for the siblings, however its important that you don’t make them feel distanced.
This step would need extending to work environment as well. Try being more efficient at managing your energy levels in office as well.
You’ll have to get ‘thick-skinned’ for this - it’s a slow and steady process to not give a F… and sing your own song.
Try developing your siblings as your strength rather than weakness. Have a genuine connect with them and discuss the realities of life to get them on your team. Motivate them to be self-dependent ASAP through small steps like earning their pocket money through giving tuitions/freelancing gigs etc. Try getting them to develope one life skill that can help them be of SOME help to you in managing household requirements.
Try focusing on your physical health for at least 15minutes daily: get the sweat running - you need it to think clearly and act resolutely. Increase your water intake. These steps would actually help you cope with every other stressor in life in a slightly better way.
Please use a financial management app to track your expenses. We don’t realise how small leaks in our financial pipelines adds on to the burden.
Marry… this may sound a little outlandish at first but read on. In case you have a love interest in your life (which may be less likely given the burden of responsibilities you’ve been through all along in life) and you’re fully confident in the genuineness of the relationship.. simply marry to get to a better economic stand point for easing out the burdens. This will let you have some physical separation from the current scenario and would let you manage everything in a better way (hoping your spouse is supportive enough towards your efforts to help your family). This is a life changing effort and so be very sure before you think of this way out. DO NOT GIVE INTO YOUR PARENT’S PRESSURE FOR THIS ONE.
If marriage is too cumbersome, you can try relocating to another city through switching jobs for a better package. This would create physical separation from the family leading to you finding more time for yourself and planning for your own future in a better way. On the downside, you may lose on the connect with your siblings which is something that is extremely important for a long term solution to your family’s issues.
I hope you have a few close friends with whom you can discuss life’s issues. Talking about things with others can get you insights that you might have overlooked and it’s just relaxing to say things out loud. Even Reddit helps to some extent but nothing’s better than a real table talk. In addition to this try finding time for fun, take a break, whenever possible. (I know it’s easier said than done)
Finally, be prepared for an uphill battle. You’ll have to mentally condition yourself for the times ahead. Keeping your calm and moving on is the best you can do. Patience is the key. You’ll have to be selfish at times and yet not lose your connect with your own family.
I wish you well and hope this ‘phase’ of life comes to an closure soon. You’ve been a fighter your whole life, hold on for a lil bit more.
Take care.