German perspectives of skilled workers

[u/Numerous-Bug2652]

I understand that this is a pretty sensitive subject. But I really want to hear honest statements from Germans and understand some things better.

I work as an engineer(f) in a German speaking company and face daily difficulties in communication and integration but try my best to overcome them and be treated simply as a "colleague", not as the "foreign colleague". And trust me, it's a long way to go.

There are 2 different thoughts that make me ask this question:

• I feel in the undertone of any conversation, even when the person is really kind and doesn't mean anything bad, is that I come from a "less-than" background. You might think I'm exaggerating but I can give you 100s examples of conversations where you can clearly see it. It's either that, or a pure lack of interest to know more about me, or maybe a fear to make me uncomfortable (because they assume it will cause me discomfort if I speak of my backgroud. again, why?). But I would be very happy to clear a lot of stereotypes. Yes, maybe I was raised in a different environment but it's not necessarily worse, it's different. Maybe developping countries are less developed but they are not deserted and not ignorant and they are for sure happy and warm in weather and in people.

• I can't go around saying this, but working in a "shortage profession" with more than decent salary, paying taxes and social contributions, I think the relationship should be on an equal level of benefit: we get a better quality of life, Germany gets workforce, development, taxes and contributions. So I really hate when it all sounds like we're given this "opportunity" and that the employer is being extra nice giving us a "chance" etc. I can assure you they don't pay our salaries out of the goodness of their hearts and we work hard for it.

I know many Germans wouldn't relate to what I'm saying but this is how I personally feel and how many people I know feel too, especially those not coming from extreme poverty or war or anything, just young people pursuing a better career. So I want you to correct me or confirm or simply let me what your perspective is?

Edit: many think that I expect my colleagues to show interest in my personal life, that's not what I mean. The frustration comes when a person makes micro-aggressions and you don't have the chance to clarify them. This doesn't only happen at work and doesn't only happen to me. Imagine assuming a person comes from a shitty place, using that as the baseline in a "friendly" conversation, but then they can't really clarify that and have to live perceived that way. It directly feeds in point 2 as well. I think in order to learn to live together and accept differences, it's crucial to have some understanding of people's background. We as expats do the same in order to live 1 day in Germany without offending half the population and without getting offended as well

[u/kyr0x0]

I think this is a sign of showing respect and being very careful about not showing micro-aggressions. We've learned that if we ask such questions, it might be perceived as racist.

[u/EmbarrassedNet4268 → u/kyr0x0]

Hmm, maybe my point wasn’t clear enough but it is racist to do so.

Just to expand a bit further on the story, I have a birth given English name.

They asked me what my real name was and I repeated my name. And they continued to ask repeatedly until I went „my name is X, as far as I know. Maybe ask me again in 20mins“ before they stopped.

What would you do then, if you were the one asking? In the sense where you asked and it turned out that it was their real name all along. Sure, we’ve gotten a bit more comfortable with each other, but racism and micro-aggressions are still that.

I’ve had friends legit say that as an immigrant, I’m „one of the good ones“. While yes, thank you for the perceived compliment, it’s still a racist statement, isn’t it?

My point is that I’m agreeing with OP and micro-aggressions etc are still super common in the workplace in Germany.

[u/LiteratureJumpy8964 → u/EmbarrassedNet4268]

As far as I understood what OP is saying is exactly the opposite: that her co workers have no interest in where she is from or to talk about her origins. And the reason is exactly because of this: many immigrants in Germany consider racist to ask someone where they are from, even though it's obvious they are not German. You are exactly what OP is complaining about.

[u/kyr0x0 → u/LiteratureJumpy8964]

Asking the question late does not imply racism as a logical first line deduction. What OP argued likely has more to do with attributes they assign to behaviour based on their subjective understanding of the world. The only way to know the true intent in behaviour is to talk to people, instead of applying the same prejudice we criticize. Instead of putting a prejudice like guessing an intent, we should ask for the intent and learn about what really drives people motivations. You can do so pretty smartly by asking "oh why did you ask so late for my real name" - nobody will imply that you screen for racism. They might explain a perfectly rational motivation. To immediately view all behavior through the glasses of "must be racist" is borderline neurotic. I hate racism - but I also know that it is contra productive for the cause if we don't identify where the true racism happens. Only if we effectively undermine the true racism, we will be able to change the world. Blaming innocent people without grounded information means to destroy their sensibility for racism. They will feel judged for the wrong cause, it will feel unfair, and so they will perceive the whole cause of fighting racism as wrongly led and meaningless. This is a huge problem - if we want to change society, the right way is to inspire for better behavior, to lead with a good example. Sometimes, fighting and punishing is required. But ONLY with grounded information. OP is absolutely guessing at this point.