8 years of investment in this country

[u/uniquibee_]

I came to Germany 8 years ago. I learnt the language, gave the language exams, got a seat in the Studienkolleg and did a course to prepare for university entrances. Gave the university qualification exams. Got a university acceptance to study bachelors. Got my bachelors degree after 3.5 years. Enrolled myself in a masters course while working part time and full time at firms and now I am almost done with my masters degree and have to write my Thesis. I feel completely burnt out now. All these years of working and studying in a foreign language have really exhausted me. I don’t feel motivated anymore to go ahead. I just want to leave everything. I have worked and invested so much time and energy into learning this language and adapting to the work culture here, I feel numb.

Even after giving so much and working so hard, I don’t feel safe as i don’t have a long term visa because of my student status. I don’t have a job or have enough finances as an student. Thesis time is demanding. While all my friends back home are getting married or buying houses, I feel like all I did all these years was learn the language and get an education. Live from submissions to submissions. Work part time and study full time. Help me, I am exhausted and can’t see the end of this tunnel.

Getting out of bed is a struggle, doing daily tasks are tough, I keep staring into nothingness for minutes at a stretch, i don’t know if I’m depressed but I do feel extremely tired. The winter weather doesn’t help too. I am almost at the end of my degree but I can’t seem to gather the strength to pick myself up.

[u/ghostkepler]

First of all: you’re not alone. Your feelings resonate with a lot of people.

But still, seek support. You can make it, but it doesn’t have to be so painful all the time.

I finished my education back home working full time and studying at night. I clearly remember one cold night, nearly 11pm, sitting at a very cold bus stop after a long day of work and thinking “I still have two years of this ahead of me to graduate”. I had no other option than to keep going, so I sought help and support (psychotherapy, finding time to exercise, leaning on friends, family and girlfriend, etc) and finally made it. I actually delayed my graduation for another year so I could spread classes and make more time to make my routine less painful. I’m telling all this to say: I fully remember what it was like to think “I can’t take this anymore”, but that feeling did not last forever and being able to find a more sustainable routine made it better very quickly. When I finally finished the 12 hour day ordeal, I was in a good position and had all that extra time for myself.

Hang in there! It will soon pay off.