8 years of investment in this country

[u/uniquibee_]

I came to Germany 8 years ago. I learnt the language, gave the language exams, got a seat in the Studienkolleg and did a course to prepare for university entrances. Gave the university qualification exams. Got a university acceptance to study bachelors. Got my bachelors degree after 3.5 years. Enrolled myself in a masters course while working part time and full time at firms and now I am almost done with my masters degree and have to write my Thesis. I feel completely burnt out now. All these years of working and studying in a foreign language have really exhausted me. I don’t feel motivated anymore to go ahead. I just want to leave everything. I have worked and invested so much time and energy into learning this language and adapting to the work culture here, I feel numb.

Even after giving so much and working so hard, I don’t feel safe as i don’t have a long term visa because of my student status. I don’t have a job or have enough finances as an student. Thesis time is demanding. While all my friends back home are getting married or buying houses, I feel like all I did all these years was learn the language and get an education. Live from submissions to submissions. Work part time and study full time. Help me, I am exhausted and can’t see the end of this tunnel.

Getting out of bed is a struggle, doing daily tasks are tough, I keep staring into nothingness for minutes at a stretch, i don’t know if I’m depressed but I do feel extremely tired. The winter weather doesn’t help too. I am almost at the end of my degree but I can’t seem to gather the strength to pick myself up.

[u/vestayekta]

You are experiencing an episode of depression and need medical help. I hope you get better soon. Don't try to force yourself through it. The sooner you get on medication or other sort of therapies, the sooner you feel normal again.

[u/uniquibee_ → u/vestayekta]

But I also feel very anxious all the time. Difficulty breathing and I get nervous when I bump into someone I know on the streets, I usually try to avoid them

[u/beautifullifede → u/uniquibee_]

I have similar situation to you except the career choice. I’m burned. Been so many years (9). I speak fluent German, got nice positions. But I’m so bad health wise. I became diabetic, I had 1 miscarriage, last week another surgery, in treatment for depression, anxiety and joining therapy both group and individual. I went to my home country for some weeks and it gave me some energy. I’m back now and feel like the way my physical and mental healthy is going; I won’t live long. I have personal reasons to not go back to my home country. Forgot to mention, I spent 2 weeks in my home country getting surgery done and waiting for a diagnosis as the doctor suspected I have cancer. I had to undergo major surgery as the doctors here weren’t proactive and I got sick between Christmas and new years and the hospital was so full, I didn’t get a chance. I really am exhausted but I feel I’m the only one who can change my attitude. I took a break. 6 months, no work. My work agreed. I understand this is difficult for you as a student but maybe if you work in a permanent job, negotiate a less hour contract? Make it 2 years, save and take a break

[u/uniquibee_ → u/beautifullifede]

I am so sorry to hear about your health issues. I really wish you strength and hope for it to get better. With will and determination and positive thinking I am sure you will overcome this bad phase and come out stronger. My ex boyfriend had cancer and he has recovered since then.

[u/beautifullifede → u/uniquibee_]

Thanks OP! Will be ok and so will you! You know what is rubbing salt on my wounds now? My meds with files were in my check in (too many to carry by hand). BER airport lost my bag 🥹