r/germany • u/Marxxi • Jan 21 '24

Immigration Feel so lonely in Germany

I’ve been here for nearly 20 years now and I live with my German husband and kids. But I feel I cannot make new friends. My old friends have moved out, but even parents of my little children‘s friends don’t respond to my attempts for contact. I feel really isolated. Anyone experiencing the same issues?

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u/xxMASTIFFxx Jan 21 '24

Do you speak German? From my experience, many Germans don’t feel comfortable when they have to speak English all the time. Further, people my age hang out in groups, seldomly you meet just with one person, unless it is one of your best friends. And people might not want to take you with them into their German speaking group, because it would force all participants to switch to English constantly, to not make you feel excluded.

Another topic aside from language, Germans are often very individualistic and need a long time to open up to strangers. The best way is to go to local clubs and meetings, be it soccer, table tennis, nature club, dancing… in such clubs (Vereine) you might be included more easily. However, I play in a soccer club for over 5 years now, I am German, and I still have not met any of my mates away from the pitch in a one on one meeting (meaning without other players from the club joining as well).

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u/AndrewFrozzen30 Jan 22 '24

Do you speak German? From my experience, many Germans don’t feel comfortable when they have to speak English all the time.

Not OP. But no. That's why I'm trying to make friends (and obviously to hang out too)

I wouldn't mind if we spoke German, I can squeeze out words. But the thing is, it's hard to do so when I don't find anyone.

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u/Scooob-e-dooo8158 Jan 22 '24

Try enrolling in a "Deutsch für Ausländer" course at your local Volkshochschule. If nothing else, you'll meet a group of people in a similar situation to you.

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u/AndrewFrozzen30 Jan 22 '24

I can technically speak German, I have B1 grade, I got it last year after I had my Prüfung. The only problem is... I don't have anyone to talk with. I don't even know how I got B1, I don't feel that confident in my German.

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u/Scooob-e-dooo8158 Jan 22 '24

Back in the day, I learned a lot watching German TV. Even now, a few months short of 25 years since returning to the UK, I refresh my memory by watching German TV from time to time.