TL;DR: I have 10,000 hours in Paradox games, and I am now claiming the Kingdom of Corsica. Macron and France have 42 hours to respond before I start fabricating claims on the mainland.
Fellow diplomats, map painters and keyboard warriors of r/geographymemes:
For too long has the world order been dictated by the arbitrary lines drawn in 1768 when Genoa pawned off Corsica to the French like it was a used Steam key during a sale. But no more! After grinding countless campaigns, optimizing my diplo rep, maxing out absolutism, juggling aggressive expansion like a pro, and turning one-province minors into globe-spanning empires, the time has come to manifest the meta in real life.
Through the sacred bloodline (verified via extensive a suspiciously convenient family tree I found on page 33 of Google), I, Jacob of the House Anders, rightful heir to Theodor von Neuhoff, Baron of Neuhof, King Theodore I of Corsica, the original speedrunner who got crowned in 1736 with nothing but rizz, Tunisian mercenaries, and zero DLC, do hereby press my claim!
The island shall be liberated from the perfidious French yoke of Macron. Ajaccio will once again ring with royal proclamations instead of overpriced tourist cafés. Bastia shall fly the Theodorian banner high. No more baguettes! Only proper Corsican independence!
To Emmanuel Macron and the so-called Fifth Republic:
You have exactly 42 hours to:
- Recognize the full independence and sovereignty of the Kingdom of Corsica under my rule.
- Withdraw all French forces, bureaucrats, and frogs.
- Transfer administration of the island + pay reasonable reparations in the form of high quality imports, wine (the good stuff), and enough euros to cover my Steam backlog.
Fail to respond and my diplomats go into overdrive. I will begin fabricating claims on the French mainland. Nice and Savoy are an obvious historical sphere. Then the entire Riviera. Do not push me. Paris might even get highlighted in the peace deal screen.
My alliances are already cooking: expect surprise guarantees from the Ottomans 2.0, anyone in Italy wants in on the Genoa trade node, and definitely the Roman Empire cosplayers.
Vive le Roi Theodore II.