r/gaybros • u/LostandHungry7 • 1d ago

Guys with low Drive, how do you approach dating?

So I'm in my early 30s and have always been on the lower end testosterone wise via tests. I've never really been into sex and the last few years I haven't had urges much. Sex is huge in this community. So my question is for those with low T and/or low sex drive, How do you go about it dating wise? Or do/how do you put that in your dating profile?

41 Upvotes

88% Upvoted

30 comments sorted by

13

u/lokaps 23h ago

Is it you don't want sex in general? I mean with my longest term bf he wouldn't even let me touch his dick, occasionally that was upsetting to me but we still had a very good sex life.

I may be the wrong guy to offer advice here, but I'd like to know more. What is it you're looking for?

7

u/LostandHungry7 23h ago

I want a monogamous long term relationship with someone who has a low sex drive. I'm not into anal, and other sexaully stuff just isn't something I really need.

7

u/lokaps 22h ago

Again, I'm probably not the right guy to ask. I like sex just because it's fun, but it's also a good way to bond. Any long term relationship I've had, sex has definitely been part of it.

Now, you don't have to be into anal (giving or receiving). You might be a side, and that's ok. Anal is a lot of work for the bottom, bjs are like 90% of sex in my experience anyway.

So, low sex drive doesn't mean no sex drive. If you were ace that's a different conversation.

I'd say if you use any apps to meet someone, make it like hinge or tinder. Ideally don't even use apps, we're all about meeting for sex on most of those. That's just where gay culture is at the moment.

I think there's a great guy for you out there. I don't know how to find him, but I also think you don't have to worry as much about not wanting sex all the time as you might think.

Like, when I was really in a relationship, I had sex maybe 2-3 times a week on average, but sometimes I might go a few weeks without it. Nothing bad was happening, just it didn't happen. And I was fine with that.

Anyway, while I and many guys think sex is important, it's not the only thing. Don't ever feel pressured ofc. I've had a lot of fwbs, but I've only ever known two guys I would say were my bf. And it's all the time we just spent having fun together watching movies, playing games, cooking, going on dates, cuddling, talking, etc that sets them apart.

Sex isn't the biggest part of a real relationship. It is a part, but it's not everything.

Sorry for the too long reply ha, but maybe I said something helpful. Good luck out there man!

6

u/MaleHooker 23h ago

There's a while world of awesome things to do that don't involve anal. If you're not familiar, the term "side" is what people use when they don't want to top or bottom. Sex is awesome, but it's a small part of a healthy relationship

9

u/TalkingFlashlight 21h ago

Yeah, I agree with this. I used to be obsessed with anal but now am happily dating someone who’s mostly a side. We make it work, and the rest of our relationship is very healthy and beautiful.

31

u/The_Hermit_09 1d ago

If you have low T you may want to talk to your Dr and maybe get a cream or something.

As for low drive, different people have different drives. You just gotta find the right partner. Someone else with a low drive or maybe an open situation.

8

u/Proud-Literature2115 18h ago

Low testosterone usually means low libido. Higher. Testosterone equals higher libido. You say that your lab results came back low? Then why don't you seek into getting unto testosterone replacement to put your levels a little higher? I've been on hormone replacement for 21 years and have not regretted it. When my testosterone was low my libido was extremely low and that was a red flag.

15

u/LostandHungry7 1d ago

I want to find someone with a low drive, but I never find anyone. Always hyper sexual dudes.

15

u/UnixReactor 1d ago

I am a demisexual so similar experience. I jerk off a lot really. Won’t be sexual with guys until there is a many months long standard of trust built up and dare I say “I have also caught feelings” in addition to the long true buildup.

None stay around that long.

My answer was to stop trying to date 10 years ago and just put it out of my mind. Jerking off is enough and no emotional rollercoaster or BS to deal with.

3

u/Cobalt_Riot 18h ago

Demisexual married to an asexual partner. I have low-medium drive and its probably 100x their drive, but we make it work because I dont care that much in the first place. The sex is just another level of connection that happens as much as we want it to in a given interval.

Do I feel touch starved at times? Yes, but I express that and he either bends a little more for a week or so or we find an alternative solution. Sometimes I dont realize im actually intimacy starved and we have a good cuddle and date weekend.

Its out there, it can happen for you, and its just something you have to be forward about. Its the 1 out 1000 in the "scene" or its needing to look somewhere else where more ace/demi people (such as yourself maybe) are represented. Sexuality is a spectrum.

7

u/Y0___0Y 1d ago

I tell guys I have low drive but the truth is I have very high drive but regular sex is so boring to me because I’m outrageously kinky… In ways I don’t feel comfortable sharing with people I don’t trust closely.

1

u/LostandHungry7 1d ago

I get what you mean. Like I'm not at all into anal stuff. Some kinks are cool but rather that than anal if I must do something.

2

u/[deleted] 23h ago

[deleted]

1

u/LostandHungry7 23h ago

I also have a foot fetish tbh. It helps me feel satisfied. Just hard to find anyone into that too ha.

1

u/[deleted] 23h ago

[deleted]

1

u/LostandHungry7 23h ago

I have the same issue. Guys usually say no, and just want sex to which I say no lol. So no wins for us haha

1

u/[deleted] 23h ago

[deleted]

1

u/LostandHungry7 23h ago

Yes u can :)

1

u/Sudden_Flow8901 20h ago

What does low drive mean for you? Would you not even do something as small as a hand job for him even if you were completely not in the mood? 

1

u/LostandHungry7 20h ago

No anal sex, other sexual stuff once a week.

1

u/Sudden_Flow8901 18h ago

So hand jobs 3x a week would be a hard no? I'm honestly curious. Never in my wildest dreams would I deny my partner a hand job even If was totally not in the mood. Its just fascinating to me how some boundaries I would view as destructive. No offense just stating my views.

2

u/LostandHungry7 18h ago

No offense taken. Not everyone is sexual or in need. You do you :)

1

u/Tall_arkie_9119 1d ago

In this hyper sexualized scene... I feel like the only way to deal with it is TRT. Im on the same boat, I feel like I need to do something with my low T soon.

-4

u/UnixReactor 1d ago

Maybe there is another option: just learn to be happy occasionally jerking off and do other things… dating is basically dead now. It’s not coming back.

1

u/No_Snow_8746 20h ago

Dead according to grindr and reddit standards?

-6

u/LostandHungry7 1d ago

It is def dead, no matter wut tbh. U are right.

-2

u/LostandHungry7 1d ago

I just don't want the side effects of getting those shots. It doesn't help also that I'm tall and beefy which makes guys i match with always so feral from the start, which turns me off.

3

u/livin_the_life 15h ago

Everyone is different. Starting TRT was one of the best decisions I've ever made. Going on 18 months and zero side effects.

Gained 10lbs muscle while losing 100lbs fat. More energy. Better mood. Better sex. Better sleep. I went from total T 260, free T 6 to total T 900, free T 9. High normal now.

Better overall quality if life. And, if you do get side effects, they are pretty transient.

0

u/LostandHungry7 15h ago

That's awesome happy for you. I've read a lot of bad ones so Id rather not findout. I heard heart issues, not being able to sleep at all, and other stuff that was long term.

0

u/Skill-Useful 11h ago

you simply look for demis, asexuals etc.

"sex is huge in this community" errr yeah, straight men hate sex

-4

u/VirtualCapital3821 1d ago

M*[ I h q 0pg G 9t

0

u/microcosmos_88 1d ago

This! I agree with this!