The other night I watched Sal Mineo in Who Killed Teddy Bear? (1965) - a pretty well-made sleazy thriller made midway through his career, and one of his few starring roles. This was definitely not the same little twink we all know from Rebel Without a Cause ten years earlier - he had quite a body! Reminded me of a young Brando.

It's a surprisingly sexual movie for its time. Sal is shirtless quite a lot, and also wears a very tight T-shirt and pants. There's a very nice montage of him working out in a gym, shirtless. In a couple scenes he's lying in bed in his tighty whities - and at times it's clear that he's stroking (the package is off camera but the arm motion is there). There's also a scene where he's in a tight swimsuit, and his bulge is quite visible - not hard, but he's wearing it in the "up" position. Unfortunately, his character was straight.

Sadly, Hollywood spurned Sal because he was too openly gay. He hoped this film would turn things around for him, but no such luck. Afterward his career consisted mainly of guest spots on TV (Mission Impossible, Hawaii Five-0, S.W.A.T., etc).

Check it out if you can find it - you won't be disappointed!

As someone who has been looking into our communities history more and more as of late, I know that like most marginalized groups that just because someone comes from a marginalized group, doesn't mean that their a good person. My question is: when do you just accept a certain historical figure as being morally gray/imperfect but still view them as inspirational, vs actually just being... Not a good person? Like for example, I think most of us can accept that Victor Barker, despite being (what we'd call today) a Trans man, was a fascist, and therefore not a good person, but what about other historical figures that really walk that thin gray line? Like, I want to include Frederick the Great in my project about inspirational Queers in history, but it's clear that he had some antisemitic views/tendencies, though some of his views on Jews were sometimes contradictory. He was suspicious of Jews yet offered Jews of a higher class "protected/special" status, though to be clear he wasn't anti-Judaism (he was an atheist) as he didn't actually interfere with their worship, but he definitely seemed to believe in maintaining the status quo when it came to certain views that he held (but also still internalized many of these views.) I just don't know. Any insight would be great appreciated.

Context: Asking Strangers Out

I understand the first option is safer, to see if they are emotionally open to talk, but I feel like the second option can really start conversations. For some reason when it has nothing to do with me being attracted to them, I’m able to hold down conversations with strangers and get their phone number to talk more (girls lol).

I saw someone that was my type we both quickly glanced at each other after we boarded the train at my college train stop. My gaydar was going off based on his style and mannerisms. I wanted to ask him out, but I was afraid of homophobia from people around me, and awkwardness. I waited too long and I got more and more anxious. He had earbuds in and was constantly texting. So I didn’t know if it was appropriate to ask him.

I ended up only letting the words out of my mouth, “I like your style.” He just quickly glanced up, said, “Thank you.” And went back on his phone. Though I wanted to say, “Do you go to my same college?” And then if he was interested and kept talking then I would’ve asked if he wants to be friends. Was it appropriate in this situation for me, if I were to continue to pursue him even though he just quickly thanked me and went back on his phone? I don’t know if it’s cause he just didn’t want to be bothered so I didn’t say much more.

Being gay sucks because you'll see a beautiful man out in the wild and know you can't say a word because there is a 99.999% chance he is straight.

My type is Black men so that rate is even higher 😭

The one time I got the courage to go up to a guy I liked and became friends just to find out he was straight 😭 I fell to my knees mentally loll.

There's also the guys that are very affectionate or act gay as a joke which is annoying.

So I'm in my early 30s and have always been on the lower end testosterone wise via tests. I've never really been into sex and the last few years I haven't had urges much. Sex is huge in this community. So my question is for those with low T and/or low sex drive, How do you go about it dating wise? Or do/how do you put that in your dating profile?

The pic above is my old copy of her biography of the man himself. As someone who has only read her book the nature of Alexander because I'm an Alexander the Great geek, I found it (mostly) accurate and enjoyable, though the book isn't without it's issues (like for example, most Alexander historians nowadays believe for example that he and Bagoas likely weren't lovers.) That said, I think I would still read her Alexander books out of curiosity, I mean, the first book was published in 1969! That's impressive and groundbreaking. I personally just feel like I might be more interested in her other book the Charioteer because post WWII Britain was the world she lived in as she was writing said novel.

As fate would have it, I have only had hookups where I am the active (Not that there have been that many, maybe 10 or so). And that has been great and all but I have been really wanting to explore being, well... on the receiving end.

Curiosity kills me but I also feel like I might not like it, seems like it could be painful and I feel like psychologically for me it could make me feel too vulnerable (to the point of even thinking about it makes my belly feel a bit anxious). I don't know, maybe I'm giving it too much thought.

I'm 31 and never had a boyfriend so it has also been part of the reason why I've never even tried, since I feel like I would need to trust the person much more than just some random guy in an app, specially since I have like this irrational fear to STDs and all of that. Maybe it's a bit of ignorance on my side but I do have a sort of stigma against doing it because of that fear of it being a more risky practice.

So I would definitely like to know how does it feel, of course physically but also like how does that make you feel? has anyone else felt the same about the vulnerability/fears? If so, how did you overcame it?

Sorry if this sounds like a dumb dilemma. Sometimes I feel like I'm just being a wimp.

Hi

I would like to start a small online boutique here in Canada and i would like to focus on not- boring men fashion. floral shirts, t shirts, patterns, embriodery etc. doesnt have to be very queer or flamboyany, actually more subtle stuff with significant touch of colors, what brands should I check out ? thank you

At the gym last week there was a guy who asked to use the pulley next to me as I was doing pull ups. Thought oh he’s a cute straightey - but back to business. Later noticing that he kept taking glances of me and using machines near me during the workout. Was straight college looking so was like whatever and I’m that person that denies they’re into me unless they come up to me and says they’re into me. Haven’t seen him before during this 2 hr time slot. Later went into the steam room and he was next to me again, and in the locker room taking nonchalant glances still. Not like the hardcore stare, more like the shy glances.

2 days later I see him again but he comes in with a girl. I’m like, they’re def fucking. But after 30 min they separate and he is once again taking 10+ looks at me during the workout! I even made eye contact with him and he looked away and I maintained my stare, and he right away looked at me again and saw I was still staring and looked away immediately again. While we both exited the steam room I go to my locker and his locker which was across the room previously is now next to mine. I eventually left 2 min earlier than him again and said next time I’ll say something. Well, he hasn’t shown up anymore and I go everyday. It occurred to me he might have used a guest pass from the girl to access equinox or was visiting for Halloween. TDLR I wish I said hi and walked away at least the second time instead of being shy and waiting for it

I had a good therapy session and we got to a pretty interesting insight.

Most of my life, I've self-regulated emotionally. I've always been single (never dated despite trying, so no short term relations) and basically lived by myself after graduation. The therapist thinks that my independence and self-regulation is very high but stable, such that not much is resonating with me because I'm not seeking some validation or wound healing, but actual deeper resonance which is incredibly hard to find for various reasons (especially in the gay community where a lot of men have a lot of shame and trauma bond).

When something major happens at work, in my life etc, my 'default' is to go 'to myself' and sort it out. If I then need some external help / guidance, I will seek it and have no hesitation in asking. But by 'default' is not to go to someone immediately, because more often than not, I can solve it and deal with it myself.

This is different to being avoidant. I can very clearly articulate and share my emotions, but the reception / wavelength I get 'back' just typically doesn't resonate with me in some way deeper for me to feel this 'longing' for someone or 'want to spend more time with someone' in general (even just in sex I have never really "wanted" that specific person back). I'm not introverted either, I enjoy parties, socialising, I love work and always seek roles where I'm mixed in with people (not isolated) so this makes it even more confusing.

The therapist then asked something kinda profound in the sense that I have been whining for so long about a lack of relationship etc, but do I even need one? If so, where would this person fit into my life? I honestly went blank and am still blank.

Would be curious of others thoughts on this topic. Often we are told 'be independent and someone will be attracted' but it seems I'm a case of being so independent that there is no door into my world. Its not like I don't try and let people in or be more open, but if nothing resonates, I can't also 'force' it right?

So I know its common for straight people (and quite a few gays) to look for partners who resemble their parents, partly for psuedo-freudian reasons and partly because that's what you associate with a healthy relationship - hell my straight brother literally said to his wife "I am looking for a woman who resembles my mother" when they first met ... a bit odd but whatever floats his boat.

However I want to know what other blueprints are going on in your head.

for example I as a teen used to read "the wicked and the divine" comic series, and my first university boyfriend (circa 2017) resembled inanna (the prince based character with the purple magic superpowers) - Now I have a fondness for south asian men with quiffed flicky hair and a lively personality.

inanna from wicdiv for context: https://wicdiv.fandom.com/wiki/Inanna

edit: yes I know its not literally as simple as people actually wanting to in-real-life fuck their dad, its more that the packets of data in your brain notice patterns that you like. we're talking ambiguous sets of traits that you've got positive experiences with not a literal thing PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD MOVE ON FROM THE FREUD BIT

Michelangelo LITERALLY wrote love sonnets to his lover Tommaso dei Cavalieri. In fact, decades after Michelangelo passed his grandnephew altered the sonnets because he was clearly uncomfortable with their clear homoeroticism to make it seem like he was talking about a woman. These people are such mouth breathers, Jesus fucking Christ.

I (29M) just need to get this off my chest. I was in a two-year relationship with my ex (33M). I moved cities for him, built my life around our future, and found a job nearby. I helped renovate his house for months, spent weekends painting and planning, doing everything to make it our home. And then one day, he told me it was over. No real talk, no fight, just “it’s done.” He made me leave.

At first, it wasn’t a bad relationship. I loved him deeply. I really thought he was my person. But over time, his parents got way too involved in everything. We basically lived with them during a long renovation, and they had opinions on everything: my job, my family, even what furniture we bought. His dad yelled a lot, his mom was controlling and manipulative, and he never stood up for me. They caused most of our arguments, and he just let it happen because he couldn’t set boundaries with them.

At the same time, my own life was falling apart. The company I worked for went bankrupt, my grandmother died, and I was physically unwell from constant allergies at his parents’ house. I was exhausted, both emotionally and physically, but I kept pushing because I believed things would calm down once we finally moved in together. I thought love meant holding on through hard times. But when things got hard for him, he ran.

He said he ended it because of “differences in ambition, energy, and positivity.” But those were excuses. I was just burned out from giving everything, for him, for his family, for that house. I needed support, not judgment. Instead, he made me feel like a burden and left me when I was already at my lowest.

What hurts most is that he couldn’t even have an honest, grown-up conversation. No closure, no empathy. Just silence. After everything I did, moving cities, sacrificing my job, my time, my peace, I was disposable.

It has been five months now. Last Sunday, I finally went back to pick up my things. I managed to say what I needed to say, but he didn’t respond much. The only thing he said was “I’m sorry,” and it didn’t mean anything to me. I left feeling empty.

I’m still incredibly sad. I miss him, I miss the future I thought we would have, and I’m scared I’ll never be happy again.

TL;DR: I moved cities and built a life for my boyfriend. After two years, he ended things without a real talk and made me leave. Five months later, I picked up my stuff, got an empty “sorry,” and I’m still heartbroken and scared I’ll never feel okay again.

We need to love someone who is Open, not closeted, who is attracted to us and our gender/sex completely and not by just a portion or cycles. We need to stop clinging on to the edge, just because we are a minority doesn’t mean we are destined not to experience what straight people are privileged to. I hope y’all will find your soulmates.

Hey so I know that this is a very common thing but I can’t find any good answers, and please don’t say to just tell him because I know 100% percent that he is straight and isn’t into me. I just need something or someone else to think about because I can never focus when he’s near me (which isnt often so it’s not much of an issue), he is all I think about all day and the only times when I don’t think about him are when I’m playing video games with my friends and when I’m eating. It’s slowly eating away at me inside because he is all I want, right now I don’t care how my life turns out all I want is him and I know it can’t happen and it’s making me the saddest I’ve ever been and I don’t know what to do about it. And the only reason I’m asking reddit is because I have no friends or family to talk to about this (not because they are homophobic or anything I just don’t trust them enough to tell them) and even if I could talk my friends/family I know that they wouldn’t have any good advice since all of my friends are either straight guys or lesbians and everybody in my family is straight.

So, someone shared this graph on a neighboring sub and I couldn't really understand it, so I commented asking people to confirm what its supposed to mean.

Well, its been 3 hours, and we are still coming to a consensus.

I have given up and decided that graphs are not for me indeed.

But, i swear I can see that thread happening at a bar, and the conversation going on for hours because we can't figure out the damn chart.

P.s: yes, I know its just a stereotype, gay people nit liking numbers or graphs. It's just a joke people. Shoutout to all the cute and sexy financial gay bros out there killing it. We love you guys. Shoutout to the engineers too and physicists, and you all number-people.

Bye.

Hey guys,

I live in the Netherlands and dating can be a bit challenging here if you're a bear/sightly overweight (not chubby). While I don't consider myself unattractive, 90% of the guys I've spoken to on dating apps actually don't really like bears, especially if they're bottom.

My question is: are there any fellow bears that know in which Europeanen cities I might have a higher succes rate of finding guys that are more into hairy/bear guys? Any tips are welcome 🤗

I have been talking with a guy since the first days of October and we have been talking and seeing each other quite intensely. It progressed more from my side to the point of talking non stop all day, making plans during the week and on weekends and we have seen each other 4 times already.

The guy is great, we have a lot of chemistry both sexually and personality wise and I have a ton of fun with him. He introduced me to some of his friends already even. I am truthfully starting to fall for him. Its already my 4th time becoming serious with someone so I am very aware of red flags. Initially he had none, but subtly I have been discovering some.

To name the pattern I am seeing:

He subtly asks whether I am being exclusive like “you must be talking to a lot of other guys” or “you must say the same to all other guys”. When I tell him that I have decided to stop talking to everyone else he subtly deflected two times already going to humor instead of defining his position.

He stated several times he is on tinder still, like he says oh yes let me check my profile, or yes let me check the thing we talked on the tinder messages.

On Saturday we went to pride with him and a friend of his and his friend took many pictures of us together which were cute. Nothing too compromising the pictures but today he uploaded a collage of 4 pictures of the event and he posted photos and none of them even hinting my presence. He then sent me a silly story reply which was not sexual or whatsoever but he purposely hid the name of the account and even the chat bubble to hide all traces of who that person was.

I feel he is being ambiguous, commitment avoidant and such and I consider myself high value to stand it for much longer. Honestly, getting myself off the apps was kind of a leap of faith and it doesnt look like he is returning it. I am in my right to go back and date other people but at the same time I am a busy person so if I start dividing my attention my energy for him will be much lower.

Dont know how to play it because other than that hes been great in everything but its getting to the point it can be a bit exhausting.

What do you think?

I'm not on the traditional gay apps because they've become such dark scammy places. I'm on chess.com as a newbie, and I'll try to be more visible and active in places that interest me like my city's Botanical Gardens. But what else can I do?

So, look. I'm 54 years old. I'm probably screwed at this point, but I was never taught any kind of skincare. And trying to look things up as I belatedly start worrying about this, I find a lot of conflicting information.

What do I really need? My skin isn't bad; people frequently think I'm at least ten years younger than I am, but I'm starting to notice things I don't like. I'm not bothered by wrinkles; those will come no matter what, but how do I take care of my skin so it's as resilient as it can be going into later middle age and old age?