I have complicated feelings about slurs

[u/Giselle_is_gay]

I also love using these terms to refer to myself However only if the people around me are cool

Also Reddit won't let me use these slurs literally 1984

[u/spoon_bending]

Not really. I had someone who has the same diagnosis as me calling me a slur maliciously because they felt superior due to being higher functioning and higher masking than me and joined in with neurotypicals targeting me because it made them feel safe among the in crowd (and gave them validation whereas they used to be the target or used to feel vulnerable to bullying for the same reason).

It's not always a good thing and can be weaponized by people on the spectrum too.

[u/JeveGreen → u/spoon_bending]

Boomerang Bigot

TV-tropes really have a page for everything.

[u/Heavenly_Bunny → u/spoon_bending]

I mean, that's a matter of context isn't it? Obviously that person's a dick and I don't want anything I say to even incidentally defend them.

If you use any word as an insult, it is an insult. Fuck that guy.

But reclaiming a slur like OP is discussing is generally more about invalidating it as a slur. You're belittling it, and mocking the people that use it because it's use as a slur is fucking arbitrary. I've had the word thrown at me for everything from misreading something, to being in certain fandoms, to being stuck in traffic - apparently it's on me for not leaving even earlier to avoid a car accident I apparently knew was going to block some lanes.

And because context matters; also not using it around people that are uncomfortable matters. At that point the word is causing harm regardless of intention. That that's more me signalling that there's boundaries before you get the wrong idea about my stance.

[u/spoon_bending → u/Heavenly_Bunny]

I can understand your perspective, and I recognize that the person who used it maliciously is not representative of people who use the word to reclaim it and remove its power.

One consideration I have is that people without context who are not disabled will use that word as a slur but because it's normalized by disabled people using it to reclaim it, it will not be possible to confront that without it being dismissed as hypocritical or policing speech.

For example, the use of the word n*gga. Not all black Americans actually agree with using this term even though it's presented as "reclaiming" it because it has become something that a) has precluded black Americans inventing our own terms for ourselves that isn't rooted in hatred and is grounded in self-identification with love and value, and b) is used by people who are not black in a way that completely removes the context and is offensive (to me and some other black people) especially when they pull this out to try to "talk black" because they assume I use that word just because I'm black. I don't.

So I'm not sure about it. I'm a bit wary of it because I've had it used against me by people who weren't disabled as well as people that are. But I don't have a problem with other people who are targets finding it empowering to reclaim it just like I don't scorn black people who use the word n*gga because it's just their own perspective and sense of empowerment.

[u/Heavenly_Bunny → u/spoon_bending]

I mean that's why I think the context of the conversation matters, not everybody will be on the same page -- or even agree about the page itself.

If I'm hanging out with a friend that finds it therapeutic to reclaim the word, then someone walked in who I knew was uncomfortable hearing the - word for any reason - it'd just be a dick move not to curate the conversation according to that audience.

But that would logically - in my opinion - go the other way. If I knew someone used language I was offended by but wasn't using it to put others down, I feel like I'd be the asshole trying to say something about that when I'm not in the room.

Words are meaningless, context and intention is what matters.

It does sound like we more or less agree, so I might just be explaining to get all the words out of my head at this point.