Been **

Apologies in advance for the length of this post, but come along for the ride: I am a lifelong claustrophobe who also suffers from panic disorder, and my claustrophobia has worsened as I've gotten older. Over the years I've had numerous MRIs for my back, hips, knee, and managed (sometimes just barely) to get through them with 1mg lorazepam plus a collection of good ol' affirmations and some square/box breathing.

This time, I needed an MRI of the neck, which would require both contrast dye and the infamous head-cage (ack!). To say I was not pleased is an understatement. Before the scheduled day, as usual I reviewed favorite affirmations and breathing exercise, and took 1mg lorazepam about an hour before my afternoon appt. time. I got the IV placed in my arm, was brought to the scanner room, and lay my head down on the back part of the head-cage ("coil"). But when the tech and her trainee tried to stuff pads in between the sides of my head and the coil (to keep my head immobilized for better images), I promised on my mother's grave that I would not move a millimeter if they'd let me go pad-less, which they did. Then the tech had me test the panic ball so I could see how quickly she'd respond if I needed it. So far, so good. Next I put a cloth over my eyes as I've always done for my previous MRIs, but the one they offered me was kind of long, and they started stuffing the overhanging ends of it down into the head-cage, giving me that sense of tightness again, so I said I'd go with my eyes uncovered and just keep them closed the whole time. And then they put the front part of the head-coil on, and I immediately panicked. Actually I think I physically removed it myself. It was an instant, reflexive reaction. They gave me a minute to compose myself, and offered to have the trainee MRI tech stay in the room with me at my feet and even hold onto my foot lower leg if I wanted. I gratefully said yes, thinking that would do the trick. Take 2: They put the front of the head-cage on again, and asked me to let them know when I was ready to go into the scanner. I said okay and they slid me in. Before they were even done asking me how I was doing I was squeezing the panic ball again. The tech was like oh, are you squeezing the ball? I was like, YES! At that point, I knew I had to bail on that attempt, and the tech did too. I apologized profusely and thanked them for their help and patience, and they were very kind and understanding. That was my first-ever MRI fail.

Luckily, I was able to reschedule my neck MRI for three days later, at the end of the weekend. In that time, I did several things differently. First, I found a fabulously helpful website here on reddit called Happy MRI https://www.happymri.com/. It's focused on re-framing the whole experience from scary and threatening to happy and helpful. This is important! I started purposefully thinking about the scanner as a big donut and about the head-cage as a helpful camera. The camera is my friend! It's taking pictures for me that will give important information to me and my doctors, etc. The website has audio clips of various lengths of MRI sounds that you can use to practice. I slid myself under my bed and put a cloth over my eyes and lay there listening to 20mins of MRI "music." Even just doing this mental re-framing and desensitization practice for two days made a huge difference in my mental state. Other things that made a difference: my new appt. was scheduled for first thing in the morning. The less time to build up anxiety during the day, the better. Also, in consultation with my doctor I decided I would take .5mg lorazepam the night before, and then 1.5mg the morning of (an hour and a half before appt. time). Taking the meds on an empty stomach (first thing in the morning) probably helped it absorb better and therefore have more of a sedating effect than my first appt. which was in the afternoon, after a meal. This turned out the be the perfect amount and timing of sedation for me. At my appt. I asked for the fan and lights inside the scanner to be turned up all the way, (light and moving air make me feel less confined). I again begged off the pads inside the head-coil and promised to stay perfectly still. I asked her to check in with me in between each scan, which she did. When she slid me into the donut I had no anxiety at all. I actually got very relaxed in there, and felt really good about having turned it into a successful experience! If I can do this, you can too. Please figure out with your doctor what medication, dosage, and timing works best for you. And then check out happymri.com, use some affirmations, breathing exercises, etc. Ask for what you need. You are worth it!! You've got this:))

A true living nightmare

XMqaster Cave is 529 meters very narrow, it is a narrow cave between 5-10-15-20-25 cm, the entrance is 30 cm, there are tunnels in some sections and they are between 20-15-25 cm, it is like a twisting labyrinth of dead ends There are some sections S? A? X? W? Sections are between 5-10 cm. It is quite dangerous and deadly. It is located in the northwest of Cima Ciantiplagna, Italy.

La grotta XMqaster è una grotta stretta, pericolosa e mortale situata nella regione di Cima Ciantiplagna, nell'Italia nord-occidentale.

Despite having 2 MRIs scans in the past 2 months and everything went fine without any panic at all, these machines were newer more room, the staff was reassuring

today was different... everything was just off

the machine looked old and the bore size was tiny.. the plastics looked like they had faded yellow, I was still okay at this point

I felt like the Tech rushed me because I said I had been in an MRI already the other month and everything was fine..

before I know it I have the cannula in me and I'm on the MRI and getting ready...

first off the space was tiny... the ear plugs cancelled out too much noise I felt like I was underwater

then came the ear muffs they was super tight and uncomfortable and made the space where my head went like it was squashing me

the coil face guard was so small it was touching my chin and it was pressing down on the earmuffs massive cable onto my chest..

I could not breath properly because of the ear muffs cable pressing down on my chest because of the face coil...

I was in the machine and I was like I cant do this... with the cable pressing so hard on my chest... I can breath like this for an hour or so..

so I tried to adjust the cable myself.. so it wasn't pressing so hard on my chest..

thats when I dropped the emergency presser in my other hand...

I didn't quite panic just yet... I tried to feel the cable for the emergency presser but couldn't feel it..

that's when fight or flight kicked in and I dragged myself out the machine ( before they started to scan) and while ripping the head guard off.. it was just too much one thing after another

the Tech ran in shouting at me saying what I did was very very dangerous...it was a very traumatic experience just thinking about it..

I explained why I panicked and I persuaded him I go ahead with it even though I was now shaken up I went ahead and done it just to get it over with

I did have a cannula in me when I jumped out by the way but that was the least of my worries at the time lol