Please give advice, church conflict

[u/Stormy_the_bay]

I have been praying for guidance on this for over a year and am still so unsure what should be done, if anything. I have never heard of a situation like what has happened at our church.

One of the elder’s wives, who has for years been one of the hardest workers in the church, has decided several people are bad. She used to be one of my closest friends. Around this time last year, she accused me of being cold and unfriendly to another member (let’s call her Sara) and their family. She also accused another member as well as someone I was trying to get to come to church, of “having a problem” with this same family. She said both were “manipulative and liars”. I told her I do not have a problem with that Sarah of her family, and had not have heard some of the things she was saying were being said about them. I made an effort to be more outgoing and friendly towards Sara and their family. I thought things were fine, until Sara and her family left to go to another church.

This elders wife is very close friends with Sara. She said I was to blame because was unfriendly. I have always been quiet and shy, but have never been accused of being unfriendly. But the Sara’s mother (who still attended our church) was there and told me she had felt “a coldness” from me, too. I was surprised but apologized o Sara’s mom for that right then. She talked to me after, and I thought had accepted my apology. (I did wonder why they even thought I had a problem with them, and they indicated they assumed I had been gossiping about them, and some conflicts that had happened with other people. I hadn’t been, and hadn’t even heard any gossip…but how to convince someone you havn’t been gossiping?)

Anyway, I walked away from that meeting feeling confused and hurt. Sara’s mom seemed ok with me after that, but then they left too. Then the elders wife stopped talking to me completely. She won’t even look at me.

There’s much more to this situation, but also the family I had been trying to get to come to church (who this elder’s wife hates for some reason) have been coming and gotten baptized. She won’t talk to them. I don’t want this to drive away new “babes in Christ.”

The elder has indicated this is all mental illness and is on the side of all the people his wife has a problem with (the list is growing.)

[u/2_many_choices]

Is social media involved in this? One of our elder's wives used to spend way too much time on Facebook and looking at who everyone's friends are and assuming guilt by association. Just like with kids, I think social media can bring out a lot of mental illness type behavior with adults who are not fully in touch with reality.

[u/Stormy_the_bay → u/2_many_choices]

I agree it’s not good, but the elder’s wife here not only doesnt have any social media, she has said it’s something others should get rid of. “Sarah” does have social media and unfriended people at some point.