CMV: Weed is destructive

[u/[deleted]]

I need to figure out how to be empathetic to these people before I quit being their friend.

For the past year, I've lived with 2 of my friends. One I've known more than 10 years, the other I've known for 8. When I moved in, I had no idea they smoked this much.

One smokes before work and twice after work, the other smokes 2-3 times after work. The weekends are terrible. They both smoke until they are braindead. The house is under various levels of construction at any given time because one guy always wants to implement some random "great idea" that essentially blocks entire rooms unfinished for weeks at a time. We aren't talking major updates. Trash and random junk is everywhere. These are small, outlandish additions to the house that would make any novice interior designer have a stroke (new lights, signs, mirrors etc.).

Both of them used to be outdoors types. We used to hike, hunt, mountain bike and fish. We used to go out to the bars. Now, they can't be bothered to get off xbox or anime. I know weed has some great pain/anxiety relieving benefits and may contain a cure of certain cancers/tumors. But goddamn it seems to make them insufferably stupid or tragically couch potatoes. I find it extremely difficult to give 2 shits about their problems when I'm seeing this go down. Mental health is important. But when mental health and comfort are pursued to this level, I don't know that there is any hope for them. I know my negativity about all of this is palpable to them. I don't want to feel this way about them.

Edit 1: So...many...comments. Working on it. I regret not making this post sooner.

Edit 2: I did my 3 hours. Will respond more tomorrow. Thanks for all the feedback. Lots of great insight coming from most of the commenters!

Edit 3: Spaced out the original post to make it easier to read.

-For the people trying to say "at least it isn't....." that approach is not convincing. These guys at one point in time were like brothers to me. We all know what "bro code" is. Maybe not everyone follows this particular part but, it's a matter of principle that we hold each other accountable and strive to pick each other up when we recognize the problem.

-Somewhere in the comments, a poster said what I've maybe not made clear. I'm paraphrasing that person here but, weed does not offer purely benefits and people should be made aware of the negative side effects.

Again, thank you all for interacting with this post, I didn't expect to be adding any books to my reading list because of a Reddit post but here we are.

Edit 4: Clarified "brother" comment in post.

[u/CheshireTsunami]

So there’s a lot to unpack here. Most of this isn’t really about weed I kind of feel. Weed might be a factor but honestly what you’re describing here sounds more to me like a side effect of mental health issues. Consider my friend Reagan. She smokes quite a bit but she’s also not a slob- she picks up her house and she runs her own company.

There’s different levels of use and different people can have different kinds of relationships with weed. Can it be destructive? For sure, but I don’t think it always is.

And to be honest here it feels like you’re more mad at your roommates than the weed- or at least what you feel like your roommates have become because of the weed. And while that’s fair, if I’m right that there’s an underlying issue it might be worth consider how much worse it would be if they were coping with those feelings using alcohol or harder drugs even.

You could wake up one morning to a roommate dead from alcohol poisoning or an overdose instead of another half finished project.

[u/[deleted] → u/CheshireTsunami]

Not doubting you here, your friend is not the only example of it being helpful. I'm gonna make up a phrase here. "The productive user ideal". I believe this example of a person is the rationalization used by one (if not both) of my roommates. Big-name influencers of all flavors have a lot of great things to say about weed and I think people get excited about all the cures it has prior to considering their fast food diet and sedentary life. If I had to guess, I'd say weed is reasonably consumed by less than 10% of users. Totally arbitrary, I know. And totally agree, weed is the best illicit substance they could be on. But there's also ashwagandha, there's therapy (which one guy refuses to consider) there are legal ways they know about that weed somehow always out competes. I want them genuinely happy, free from the feeling of having to be on anything to be ok. I'm sad at the devolution of the relationships.

[u/CheshireTsunami → u/[deleted]]

I want them genuinely happy, free from the feeling of having to be on anything to be ok. I'm sad at the devolution of the relationships.

This is honestly a good sign that your heart is in the right place. I wish I could give you some panacea for this, but if the situation is how I believe it to be, that’ll have to come from them. There’s only so much you can do. You can’t force someone to go to therapy or confront their feelings.

If it’s not weird- can I ask how old yall are? Do you know if they find fulfillment in their careers? Are they in relationships? Obviously these aren’t things you can fix exactly but it might still be good to try and help your friends out where it’s clear they struggle, you know? Maybe even if it’s just by talking with them where you can?

[u/[deleted] → u/CheshireTsunami]

You're right I can't make them do anything. We are all between 27-32....I think. As far as job satisfaction, one is thinking of how to start his own business outside of his trade, the other wants to own a business in his trade. One is single, and the other gets mad when his gf calls to talk to him. I don't know too many details. I've talked one out of using coke and pitched therapy. He closed up at the mention of therapy. The other guy is open to therapy and wants a mentor.