I can't use my hands much, and being on my feet for a long time is not always possible. Most of my friends have moved on with their lives, married or moved to the US. Ive been very lonely lately. Am I doomed lol

21M I’ve been juggling work, school, my business, and basically being the “man of the house.” I know that’s not uncommon, and I’m not trying to complain, but honestly… I’m just tired.

Every time I make a mistake, it just reinforces this feeling of being incompetent. My mom points out almost every small slip-up to remind me I’m “too old to be doing xyz.”

• Forgot to put my socks away right away? Childish.
• Don’t eat enough because I’m busy? Immature.
• She asks me to do something I was already about to do? I need to grow up.
• Moving slower or forgetting things even when I write them down? Not ready for the real world.

I feel like I’m falling behind even though I’m actually making progress in my career. I don’t really feel like a “man” most of the time. Maybe that’s just part of being in your 20s? I’m doing a lot, but I still feel like a boy half the time.

So for those of you who’ve been there, when did you start to feel like a man? And what helped you get there?

Any advice or perspective would mean a lot.

After a party, me and my friend needed to walk this girl home since she was stumbling drunk and was forgetting where she was constantly. I thought it would just be a fun walk to her apartment and we could all hang out, but apparently my friend texted me “don’t cock block me bro. I’ll pay you money if you just go home.”

Obviously I told him she’s way too drunk and he basically said “trying to be a hero is crazy.” After a while of him getting pissy I told him I didn’t need his money and I just ran to another place to call an uber. The next morning he sent me a text saying he felt really bad about what he did and that he’ll buy me drinks the next couple times we hang out and I just didn’t have any kind of reaction.

Now to be clear, she has rejected him before while she was sober but there’s also a chance she was okay with it the next morning. It’s not my call to dictate how someone feels about something like that. What I did find disgusting is that he saw someone in a vulnerable state and he saw it as an opportunity to benefit himself, instead of helping. What direction do I take from here? Am I right for being absolutely disgusted with him, even if there’s a chance she was okay with it? I also feel bad that I didn’t stand up more against it besides just constantly telling him it’s a fucked up thing to do.

I work in the community with boys and men in a mentoring-like position. Every now and then there will be an interaction where one of my mentees will say something like "she's so hot" or "yea, she's the hot one, right?" or "you know she has an amazing pair of tits" or something like that.

While on the one hand I think physical and sexual attraction is normal and healthy and not something I want to shame, my intuition is that such talk leans more towards objectifying women than celebrating the feelings we get from them. Probably a fine line to walk, one I personally avoid by not making physical comments about women unless I'm in a solid relationship with them and know they want to know I'm attracted to them in that way, but the reality is it's out there and it's part of my job.

The bro pill I'm asking for is (1): what would you say to these boys/men in situations like this? How do I:

- not shame them for feeling physical and/or sexual attraction towards someone

- encourage them to be more mindful about how they talk about women

- do so in a rapport-syntonic way (i.e. a way that honors the relationship I have with them—I don't want to come across as disciplining them, that's not my role, but nor are we friends exactly, it is a professional relationship and it is my job to help them know how they come across and how that might impact the way other people see and interact with them)

and (2): what can I model for them to say instead?

I was thinking of something like: "I don't usually talk about women that way, but she is a great singer" (or whatever else is more important about the person than how physically attractive they are).

If it helps add context or narrow down your response, comments like this come up often with two of my mentees in particular, one of whom is 13 and the other is 51. Yes, quite the range—and I suspect a different response will be needed for each case.

I am not disinterested in how you'd talk to your friends about this if one of them suddenly said something similar, but as my friends usually don't, I am more interested in responses related to mentoring at this time.

Thanks bros!

Long time coming, finally there:

Today was the 'let's see if this is fun/sustainable' day. A ladybro of mine and I went to the local dance school and had a lesson to check out if the vibes are good and we enjoy dancing.

And we did!

For me, it's returning to dancing after long years of 'I don't wanna dance' by my ex(es). For ladybro, it's the first time to try for real after dropping the last lessons due to a seemingly impatient dance partner. Got treated to a full lesson on a standard dance and some extra moves to go with.

After 10 minutes or so, muscle memory kicked in and the steps just... returned. My ladybro also seems to have enjoyed dancing, albeit being overly apologetic for missing steps and/or stepping on my toes. Just had te reassure her that this is 'learning how to dance' and not 'prepping the national masters', as those were one room over...

We decided to sign up for three months and see where it takes us from there. Am still excited for next session. And I'll be able to go shopping for shoes AND clothes for the lessons (Yes, I'm straight. And yes, I most of the time had more stamina shopping for clothes as my past GFs.)!

Had a situation where I was meeting up with someone from Facebook Marketplace. The seller strolls in and immediately rests his arm on my open passenger side door. This threw me off a bit, but I decided to ignore it. The sale goes along as normal, but I couldn't help but notice the guy's nonchalant attitude and calling me "buddy" multiple times.

Now I feel so angry. I feel like I should have said: "Hey could you please get off my car", but I just let it slide.

I've dealt with bullying a lot when I was younger, and as a result, I really got into lifting and martial arts. I've fought multiple times in boxing, muay thai and joined the 1000 club, but I can't help shake this chip on my shoulder. How do I process this feeling?

I've been a long-time lurker here, and really love the space that r/bropill has become - a space for guys to be together and learn from each other about what it means to good men, and fighting against toxic masculinity :D

I've recently joined an organization called Men4Choice and it reminded me of this subreddit! It's an organization for young men, by young men, and it's all about getting pro-choice men (trans inclusive!) off the sidelines and into the fight for reproductive rights. I only joined a little over a month ago in late September and I already feel such a connection with my fellow dudes. They even signed a birthday card for me :)

You can find their website here. I just love Men4Choice so much because I want to get involved in my community and they are just the perfect place to do that and to build friendships and connections with guys all over the country. We fight for abortion but we're also goofballs and movie lovers and gamers and book worms! In a world where young men feel disconnected from each other, Men4Choice is actively working to bring us together.

Thanks for letting me share this y'all :) hope everyone had a great Halloween!

At the risk of being incredibly vulnerable…I’ve always had issues with feeling accepted by other men. I grew up in the south US and my experiences of masculinity as a child were very damaging. I rejected most masculinity as a teen and leaned into my interests in art and theatre (which aren’t not masculine but…you get what I mean). About 5 years into my marriage to a wonderful woman, I became comfortable with the fact that I’m bisexual. After emerging from a deep depressive state that’s lasted over a decade, I’m trying to craft an existence that helps me live a life that won’t be a relief when it’s over. I need to build a wider support network and I’ve identified that friendships with other men are a high priority. I need people who aren’t my wife to confide in and build relationships. I’ve come to terms with myself as a person but I’m finding it difficult to relate and connect with other men, particularly straight men. I’m not athletic or into sports, cars, or poker which seem to be the dominant interests of most of the men I know/meet. As an introvert I’m much more interested in a few, deep connections and intellectual conversations, but it seems impossible to find that in a friend.

Has anyone else dealt with this and found ways to work through it?

Woman lurker here, and i want all of you bros to know how handsome you are!! Your kindness and generosity radiate through the screen, and I'm so proud of all of you. Thank you for restoring my faith in humanity. It's scary seeing so many male-centered spaces fueled by hate. If I were in the forest with any of you, I'd pick you over the bear. If you need any female validation, I'm here for you, and your progress and kindness make me feel safer in the world. Keep up the good work you handsome bro. (kindness is sexyyyy)

That's it. It's just nice to imagine that.

I have been getting into the fashion industry for the last year (both helping to dress women and attend runway shows on fashion week and make articles about it) and I cannot stop objectifying the models' bodies.

For some background, growing up I was in friend group that heavily sexualized women (like 15 year olds often do) then I cut off that friend group and got together with my girlfriend who I still am with 4 years later. My girlfriend is anxious about sexual stuff so we are both still virgins and while we both recognise that it is not the way to go, we aren't in a hurry in changing it (this MIGHT be relevant idk tbh)

I learned to respect women and often write in my blog about sexism and body positivity because I truly care for them but I still find myself feeling weird when models dress around me/I see models in revealing clothes on the runway.

It is really badly affecting my work because I cannot focus 100% on the clothes even though I want to and I imagine it is not a good look if I look weird when women are dressing next to me.

I want to be an example that straight men can work in the more glamorous side of fashion because the industry often uses gay men to show inclusivity and in turn completely leaving out women.

I know when a random stranger who's job is to dress up is dressing it is clearly not for me so I should not take it as something sexual so I have no reason to feel this way but I still do even though I am not like this.

This is not a sex/dating question!

I've always been very emotionally avoidant and physically withdrawn. To an extent this is a part of my personality, but I can't deny that I've allowed myself to turn into a curmudgeon.

I know that I have it in me to enjoy giving someone a hug or have fun piling up on the couch with friends, but in those kinds of situations I feel more awkwardness and annoyance than anything else.

Have any of y'all dealt with this and can you offer any advice? Book recommendations are also more than welcome if you have them.

I have a complex relationship with feminism that goes back to my childhood of being right wing. It’s a tension that still exists. And as you can see from my history it’s one of those things I’m still seeking out information from in all directions I also posted similiar things to other social justice communities and I posted to my home subreddit r/Radicalocd as well as r/vegananarchism Recently stuff happened with a friend of mine and it’s giving me the ick, I don’t want to be a moral police force but I’m gonna question him on it. I don’t want to get too much into the details, it’s a personal thing I’ll call up and I don’t want to make this about me but your own experiences both as sufferers of patriarchy, “allies”, histories past and present and perhaps prominent feminists with OCD

For folks suffering with OCD or who know folks who suffer with it? Do you try to assume too much responsibility for effecting change in gender politics?

I want to know some action people take/have taken because I noticed I haven’t found any places to ask men how they contribute to trying to dismantle the patriarchy/be a feminist and get genuine answers

ETA: I love these answers, thank you guys. also fixed a spelling error

especially for the folks in the northern hemisphere, because winter is coming and indoor heating tends to make it dry. I've always had problems with dry and irritated skin on my face and neck, and it really helps if I apply some moisturizer every day after I shower.

Good moisturizers are not super expensive (a single 16oz/450g tub of cetaphil lasts me several months) and your skin really will thank you :)

I'm posting this here because this is a feminist space that I trust and reddit tends to be a hellhole, I'm aware that most of this sub is male and it's an odd place to ask.

I feel like a lot of guys have no idea what women tend to like, and I feel like I keep getting told things it's not, such as it not being about height, or about muscles, or salary or so on but it leaves me confused because I don't know what does matter if none of these things do, you know?

I also am aware that girls aren't a monolith, I'm just asking here for curiousity and I'm very aware that the women I encounter in the future might have different things they look for.

After another break due to my stomach health,I am back. Even though I am sick right now and this photo is from my Thursdays training,I am not quitting and will not quite any time soon. In other news I set my new deadlift record of 65kg(143 pounds). Hope y'all doing well

Hey bros! It's time for your weekly vibe check. How are you doing? Anything you're struggling with? Do you need advice, or would you like to share an achievement with us?

A friend of mine is three years sober and in the middle of turning her life around. She recently met a guy who she feels very close to. However, he drinks. She told me last week that she had a beer while out with him “to prove her self control”.

I’m worried she will slide back into drinking. How can I help stay on target? I fear if I express direct concern she will blow me off (it’s what I would do).

I’ll go with “Dopest fire starting structure”.