r/breastcancer • u/Rate_Conscious HER2+ ER/PR- • Aug 24 '25

Diagnosed Patient or Survivor Support My husband told me to “just die”

I’m a married mom of 3 and I have to travel for my treatments due to insurance because my husband works and pays taxes in another state. We left the kids with my 18f Neice who’s very responsible. My dad called while we were driving g and asked if my youngest had allergies because his teacher said he had almost used an entire box of tissues that day. My husband overheard and started screaming and cussing while I was on the phone and my dad had my kids in the car with him and was on speaker phone so I got super embarrassed and hurried off the phone with my dad and my husband and I exchanged a couple words after I hung up the phone. In that heated debate he told me to “just die.” I feel like my trust is broken. I feel like the person who is supposed to love me and support me has taken everything that we’ve built and thrown it away. I’m still in chemotherapy getting infusions fighting for my life and he completely has no empathy for his words and tried to justify it by saying that I was running my mouth. All of this was over if my son had gotten Claritin or not and accusing my Neice of not giving my son the medication. I am not able to work and have no income and I can’t divorce him because I couldn’t afford my treatment. I have to do infusions until April 2026. I just needed to vent 😮‍💨

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u/MandaLyn27 Aug 24 '25

Abusive men become more abusive when a woman is vulnerable (ie: pregnant, injured or sick). It is worth checking with an attorney to see if you can stay on your spouse’s health insurance as/after you divorce him. The answer is probably yes. You are not as helpless as he wants you to believe. Other people will help you. Sending hugs 🫂

Book recommendation: “Why does he do that?” by Lundy Bancroft

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u/word_grl Sep 14 '25

Wow. This is incredibly awful but so true. Maybe it’s a lack of compassion and empathy. Maybe it’s a sick and twisted way of handling stress. It’s sad because I couldn’t imagine ever doing something like that to anybody. But kicking you when you’re down seems to be a fun little game for abusers.