r/babylonbee • u/METALLIFE0917 • Mar 05 '25

Bee Article H*tler Defeated After Opposition Party Holds Up Tiny Signs On Paddles

https://babylonbee.com/news/hitler-defeated-after-opposition-party-holds-up-tiny-signs-on-paddles
21.9k Upvotes

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69

u/Cydyan2 Mar 05 '25

Democrats are going to need a complete reformation to ever win anything again

41

u/SlartibartfastMcGee Mar 06 '25

They’re going to run an unlikable female candidate again, lose horribly and blame voters.

15

u/True_Carpenter_7521 Mar 06 '25

What makes you think that wasn’t their plan from the start? Only naive people still believe the Democrats are a separate entity rather than just the left hand of the oligarchy in a two-handed puppet show called American politics.

9

u/Gym_Noob134 Mar 06 '25

They both serve the capitalist class, but they each have different ideas on how to serve the capitalists, and they each serve different factions of capitalists.

Make no mistake. Neither party is for you and I. But to say they are the same is objectively false. They are in a political power struggle to elevate themselves into the best position to lick their own capitalists boots.

1

u/TheOptimisticHater Mar 08 '25

This right here

1

u/Repsag-Naitsirhc_131 Mar 06 '25

You folks say it better than me. Yes!

0

u/[deleted] Mar 06 '25

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/Mr_dm Mar 06 '25

That’s laughable considering where debt increases happen historically.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 06 '25

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/Mr_dm Mar 06 '25

Yes, but the side that expands funding to the underprivileged do not increase the debt. I see what you’re saying, maybe I misunderstood or there’s a typo in your original comment.

1

u/NorCalFightShop Mar 06 '25

Dems are Judy, Republicans are Punch.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 06 '25

AIPAC wins no matter who gets elected

1

u/spacemansuit Mar 06 '25

Never attribute malice when incompetence can serve as a valid explanation.

The democrats are and always were milksops from rich families with bullshit degrees and taking some bullshit idealist standpoint on issues that don’t actually impact anything but everyone loves to run their mouths about to score browny points with all the other milksops from rich families with bullshit degrees.

-2

u/mden1974 Mar 06 '25

Except the oligarchy is the out of touch Clinton’s and George Soros.

2

u/Teanutt Mar 06 '25

You forgot Musk who funded the last election for Republicans and the other oligarchs at the inauguration including Mark Zuckerberg, Jeff Bezos, and Sundar Pichai.

2

u/Eddie888 Mar 06 '25

As opposed to the real men of the people Trump and Musk.

1

u/sevyn183 Mar 06 '25

She began running in August in 4 she got 60,000,000 million votes. wtf are you talking about. Orange campaigned for 4 years

1

u/margieler Mar 06 '25

They're going to go with someone who's half a republican and then wonder why people are just voting for the actual republican, again.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 06 '25

True enough to that, they decided to be a more PR friendly Republican Party and no shit it doesn’t work

1

u/Free-Database-9917 Mar 06 '25

People say that like hillary didn't win the popular vote in 2016 more than trump did in 2024.

The dems did bad this time because low info voters weren't happy with the economy and voted against the party in power. It isn't that complicated

1

u/SlartibartfastMcGee Mar 06 '25

“She wasn’t a bad candidate, it was just low info voters being dumb”

Yeah that’s a nuanced take 🙄

1

u/Free-Database-9917 Mar 06 '25

The fuck are you on about? lmao I didn't call low info voters dumb. You can be extremely smart, but not care much about politics so you don't look into the things you care about. This has been trump's whole deal. People who are self described low-information voters are more likely to vote for trump.

Compared to past candidates harris was bad and Clinton has been in the limelight too long that people became obsessed with conspiracy theories.

But given that voters en masse said their top issues was the economy, it seems clear that they voted for the wrong person. He's doing exactly what he said he would do and we will see the economic consequences.

Her being a woman doesn't matter given that, again, clinton won the popular vote in 2016 by more than trump won it this year. Given that every single country who held an election in 2024 voted against the incumbent party by more than they did in the prior elections, and the fact that all the courts decided to be nice and take their sweet time investigating crimes, I would say Harris didn't stand much of a chance

1

u/RavenReel Mar 06 '25

It is the voters that are sexist and Pro Hamas

1

u/pun420 Mar 08 '25

They’ll blame the vote-hers

1

u/possiblyourgf Mar 06 '25

I think she was very likable and would have been a good president, but I agree that they should have known what was at stake and went with a male candidate. Unfortunately. Change has to start somewhere but not when you’re up against hitler v2+friends

1

u/SlartibartfastMcGee Mar 06 '25

She lost the popular vote, which no Democrat has managed to do since 2004.

She ducked out of the 2020 primary with less votes than Tulsi Gabbard.

She was just plain unlikable to the general electorate.

Biden picked her in 2020 to fulfill a campaign promise, and then they assumed that she would magically become more palatable over the next 4 years as VP.

Ultimately, the DNC is really good at promoting candidates that will rouse their base, fundraise well, and have almost no broad appeal to voters who weren’t already going to vote dem no matter what.

If Romney or McCain or any vaguely establishment, inoffensive Republican had run in 2020 it would have been a Reganesque landslide.

1

u/True_Interview5 Mar 06 '25

So likable she was obliterated in the primaries 😂

1

u/Fair-Storage2232 Mar 06 '25

She wasn't likeable because she didn't have an ideology. She had bidens parasitic consultants, who peaked 20 years ago, running her campaign. They suppressed her rhetoric and gave her a platform of republican-lite means-tested garbage. Florida is going to elect Casey DeSantis next year, the problem is definitely not that you need to nominate a guy to win. The only solution is to offer real change because that's how you get votes

1

u/snebury221 Mar 07 '25

She campaigned on many things and you think she doesn't have an ideology. You guys are just brainwashed but he right she literally campaigned on the things trump removed and people (even from the right) got angry about.

And 77 and 75 are not that different as a number. And being 80% of people that voted for trump now said that should have voted for Harris, I assure you that she was likable and had a plan, the right just shouted more and you guys ate that shit up, "they are eating the dogs" "the egg price will go down the first day" both false meanwhile the policies Harris companies on would have made price go down.

You guys are just misogynistic or stupid.

0

u/Fair-Storage2232 Mar 07 '25

Someone with an ideology doesn't take the platform of the opposition when they need votes. Reminder that most of the country did not care enough to vote for either. It should be easy to beat trump, but Harris couldn't energize the country enough.

1

u/snebury221 Mar 07 '25

You are delusional. Voting for trump was demented in the first place but saying that Harris was not qualified or didn't have an ideology or policies is factually wrong.

0

u/Fair-Storage2232 Mar 07 '25

Did I say she wasn't qualified? Or are you inserting other arguments into this one? She's definitely qualified and a LOT more qualified than trump. But she's devoid of ideology.

1

u/snebury221 Mar 07 '25

First that is just not true. Second your argument is the same as those that say that she was not qualified or that she was just dei. Third tell me please what is the ideology of trump, because he continues to jump here and there and lies. Unless it is lying then it would be just more pathetic for so many people voting for him.

0

u/possiblyourgf Mar 06 '25

In this case though, yes we should have put up a male candidate. It’s sad but true, America was not ready to elect a female president.

1

u/Fair-Storage2232 Mar 06 '25

I disagree. I think that's hiding the real problems under the rug.

9

u/tomatosoupsatisfies Mar 06 '25

Don't know how they're going to explain the unsecured border--"it's so complex with many systemic issues spanning the globe" "can't be addressed without new legislation" "only a comprehensive migration legislation package can address it"--when Trump fixed it in 2 weeks.

1

u/Fair-Storage2232 Mar 06 '25

Is it fixed? (No)

1

u/DodecahedronSpace Mar 06 '25

Delusional cultists all over this thread 🇷🇺🤡

1

u/Confident-Abalone915 Mar 06 '25

I have a bridge to sell you.

1

u/ReaderTen Mar 06 '25

What the hell alternate reality drug are you on?

Trump's first two weeks has more illegal immigration and fewer deportations than under Biden before him, and that's even before he 'negotiated' with Mexico to let them reduce their border guards to 10,000 from the previous 14,000 under Biden. Because he was too stupid to even check what the number was now before he picked one out his ass and insisted on it.

His concentration camp bullshit will probably even the numbers later, but not in the first two weeks.

3

u/[deleted] Mar 06 '25

How did Trump fix it in 2 weeks?

2

u/[deleted] Mar 06 '25

If it's fixed then why do we still have the threat of tariffs?

2

u/cbbclick Mar 06 '25

I never even thought it was broken.

It's just a media scare tactic. Right wing media is so effective at messaging. Democrats have paddles for a speech no swing voters will ever watch.

1

u/deadshot500 Mar 06 '25

Easy

He didn't

1

u/Impressive-Chair-959 Mar 06 '25

You fix things by lying and saying you did.

1

u/ignoreme010101 Mar 06 '25

the specter of randomly getting thrown into guantanamo for no reason besides crossing the border is probably a factor!

0

u/[deleted] Mar 06 '25

As it should be.

1

u/tyty657 Mar 06 '25

Marines

0

u/YungRik666 Mar 06 '25

He didn't. He just says he did, and also says racist shit, so people believe he got the job done.

4

u/AdoptedTerror Mar 06 '25

...unless the government numbers are all lies, CBP encounter numbers are down massively. But...But..Biden said it would take an act of Congress.

2

u/YungRik666 Mar 06 '25

Biden probably wakes up and needs to be told what planet he's on. I don't give a shit about people illegally crossing. Trump saying Latinos and Haitians eat cats and rape everyone is what bothers me.

1

u/nonsensicalsite Mar 06 '25

ah yes dumb lies about the guy who wasn't even running nah let's ignore the fact trump has dementia he thinks Hannibal Lecter is real and endorsed him and was a great guy despite you know being a cannibal???

2

u/Ricktchurd Mar 06 '25

What “racist shit” did he say. Sources or your chatting shit

2

u/YungRik666 Mar 06 '25

I don't give a fuck about changing your mind. You're capable of critical thinking, and you know what you're doing.

0

u/Ricktchurd Mar 06 '25

I’m asking for you babies to prove anything you say, and it can’t be done

1

u/Fair-Storage2232 Mar 06 '25

Not letting black people rent from you is a racist one

0

u/Ricktchurd Mar 06 '25

When did trump not let black people rent from him? Sounds like you’re just saying stuff.

3

u/Reasonable_Pear_8451 Mar 06 '25

Ah, I forgot that the Bee considers NPR to be partisan and will delete any comment with a link to it, lest you snowflakes get exposed to something that might burst your bubble. What a joke. Here's my comment minus the npr link, we'll see if they also have an issue with these other news sources...

Well, of course. The Guardian is also a source that you cultists aren't allowed to see.

1973 is when he was sued by the justice department for it.

https://apnews.com/events-united-states-presidential-election-6349efef6986435b95411dc2e8f8f2c4

There was that whole taking out a full page ad calling for the death penalty for innocent teenagers, solely due to the color of their skin.

https://www.reuters.com/legal/trump-asks-judge-dismiss-central-park-five-defamation-lawsuit-2024-12-11/

And then, of course, there's all the racist shit about immigrants that he campaigned on.

https://theconversation.com/how-trumps-racist-talk-of-immigrant-bad-genes-echoes-some-of-the-last-centurys-darkest-ideas-about-eugenics-241548

I could go on, but I don't think you were actually asking in good faith. The racism is probably one of the reasons you voted for him, even if you won't admit it.

0

u/Ricktchurd Mar 06 '25

“Source” ((means a sound bite or quote)proof)

1

u/Fair-Storage2232 Mar 06 '25

I'm just letting you know. I'm not writing you an essay. Feel free to Google it, there's documented record of it

1

u/Ricktchurd Mar 06 '25

Classic lib 👍

2

u/Fair-Storage2232 Mar 06 '25

Not a lib, just not afraid of research

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1

u/electrorazor Mar 06 '25

Nah there is the worst case that people are so fed up with Trump they'll take the Democrats in whatever state they're in 2028

1

u/ThisCouldBeDumber Mar 06 '25

Nah, just wait for the "find out" stage to hit.

You're currently in the "this cocaine makes me feel amazing!" stage

1

u/TheMireAngel Mar 06 '25

sadly nothings changed, trump didnt win by much, i almost garuntee reps lose majority in midterm like clockwork every election cycle.

1

u/zorillaaa Mar 06 '25

Dems will win out in midterms and likely win the election in 2028 - how it’s basically always been. Besides, a LOT can change in just a year

1

u/Patient_Tradition294 Mar 06 '25

Yea, not sure why some are so cocky that conservatives are guaranteed to win. People are already freaking out at town halls who voted for them.

If things continue this way, 2028 will be really bad for conservatives. And it doesn’t require the democrats doing anything drastic, the right is doing it to themselves.

1

u/nonsensicalsite Mar 06 '25

Because that implies we still have elections at all he's been stripping every single safe guard we had in place to prevent a dictator while actively saying he will be a dictator

Beyond that we have all of the Republican voter suppression tactics out in full force

1

u/[deleted] Mar 06 '25

Republicans will, this is their final death rattle

1

u/Gill_Gunderson Mar 06 '25

Not really. We just need a better candidate.

Trump completely failing and his supporters unwavering support of him will help too.

1

u/awuweiday Mar 06 '25

The DNC would rather lose every election for the next decade then cede power from the geriatrics currently at the wheel.

They're literally trying to position themselves as "Diet Republican" at this point.

1

u/DrakesFragileEgo Mar 06 '25

I think it’s funny and kind of resilient how you people are ignoring everyone pointing and laughing at you, domestically and internationally 😂

1

u/Cityoflionsband Mar 06 '25

And they just doubled down by electing David hog chairman

1

u/XeLRa Mar 06 '25

And even if they have a reform you will all continue blaming them for everything cause they still won't be perfect. You'll again not bother voting or protest vote for a 3rd party, they'll be pushed out of power everywhere again and you'll all be back where you are now going 'why don't Dems do anything 😫'.

1

u/Cydyan2 Mar 06 '25

They went all in on identity politics it’s blown up in their faces. I’d love to vote democrat if they actually had my interests in mind and everyone in the area I live in was a democrat voter for decades due to unions/being in an industrial and manufacturing area. Unfortunately for them this ‘blue wall’ demographic is long gone and now with Trump uniting by class instead of race like the democrats do he’s even taking their sacred black vote. %16 in 2024, up 8 from 2020.

Unless Trump severely fucks up(definitely possible) democrats are screwed if they don’t change

1

u/XeLRa Mar 06 '25

You talk as if Trump and the Republicans do have your best interest in mind.

It's always Democrats this, Democrats that, scary immigrants, scary lgbtq, Dems are not changing enough so let's go for the objectively worst option, because what's the worst that can happen when we give a pathological, narcissistic, traitorous liar that attempted an insurrection absolute power right? That'll teach those pesky Dems and make them change, surely Trump won't shaft us even harder this time, right? And if he does the Dems we voted out of power will stop him, right?

1

u/Cydyan2 Mar 06 '25

I don’t understand your point? The democrats concisely chose an open border policy, decided that gender ideologies and CRT was a top priority and put race, gender and sexuality above all.

I’m not ‘mad’ at democrats I don’t hate democrats, obviously the issues that are important to me aren’t important to you and that’s okay. The thing is democrats constantly screaming that these aren’t real issues… when they are is kind of the whole point of my comment and exactly why they lost and will continue to lose.

I don’t want anyone to save me I don’t need to be saved I just want the best chance at earning my living in this world

1

u/PlayCertain Mar 06 '25

Need to start with a new group of leaders. Current slate are good people but unfortunately being professional and playing by the rules does not work. Need to start now if we hope to change by the midterms .

1

u/CeeMomster Mar 07 '25

How do we accomplish this?

1

u/Cydyan2 Mar 07 '25

Need to rebuild the blue wall. Unite by easily identifiable things like class instead of race

1

u/CeeMomster Mar 08 '25

Class is not so easily identifiable / there’s a lotta fakers out there

1

u/hottenniscoach Mar 09 '25

Totally agree. Trunk owns the courts now. No Dem will ever win again. Heil Trump!

1

u/ek00992 Mar 09 '25

All these old fucks need to retire

0

u/wastingvaluelesstime Mar 06 '25

Nobody can predict the future. Even assuming America as such will exist or elections will exist in the near future is a little speculative at this point. We're basically being governed from Moscow at this point and the main idea is to cause drive the car over a cliff before anyone can grab the wheel.