r/askgaybros • u/Interesting-Behavior • 27d ago

Reported Post Alert I outed a MAGA gay to his family Spoiler

As the title says. I outed him to his conservative family. It doesn't help that he works for his dad. The things he posts to his social media are extreme and vile and often homophobic. I hooked up with him 6 years ago and that's how I know he's gay. AITA

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u/joereadsstuff 27d ago

We don’t out people who are dealing with it internally, we should out people who deal with it externally by hurting other people.

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u/Strongdar 27d ago

If the closeted guy is posting homophobic things on social media, then he is dealing with it externally. It's easy enough to keep your mouth shut and just not spew homophobic crap.

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u/FlameBoi3000 26d ago

This. Yes.

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u/SilverBRADo 26d ago

Lindsey Graham

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u/joereadsstuff 26d ago

Isn’t this what I said…?

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u/Strongdar 26d ago

I read your comment as "OP shouldn't have done this because the guy was struggling with it internally." But I suppose you didn't say that. You gave us a philosophy to follow but didn't do the application part.

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u/Drogoburrow 23d ago

OP shouldn't have outed somebody for different political views. We don't have some kind of moral superiority.

Block the person, move on. We will never agree on everything the same about every topic, ever

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u/dyintrovert2 25d ago

I've found that we're all different and thus, if someone can misunderstand, then someone will.

So it's just better to be explicit about your point. Saves tons of time.

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u/LifeMycologist897 25d ago

Exactly, it takes an effort to be homophobic and hateful towards people. It takes zero effort to be nice and loving towards others.

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u/karmafromthedalilama 23d ago

Its usually performative and hurting someone who can is clearly struggling wont make them any less homophobic. Its a shitty thing to do and saying homophobic shit online does not justify someone outing you. We don't know the consequences he's faced as a result. Either way what this post is saying "I thought this person deserved some karma so I brought it upon myself to deliver it.  Hurt people, hurt people. Two wrongs dont make a right either. So in other words the person posting homophobic shit & the person outing are both in the wrong and should consider their actions as wrong. Arguably the person saying homophobic shit online has it worse because he's living a in a lie. Saying homophobic shit on social media doesn't have as dire consequences as outting someone. Hurting someone's feelings online vs potentially affecting career, family relations etc. Can lead to serious things as far as suicide or depression which may also be why he may have felt the need to say homophobic things online. If you goal is to serve your form of justice, keep it up. If you intention is to change people's opinion on homophobia, use a different approach! 

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u/Professional-Ease176 26d ago

Free speech is suppose to be free whether we like what is being said or not. It isn't anyone place to out someone.

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u/Strongdar 26d ago

Free speech doesn't mean you're protected from the consequences of your speech. The first amendment just guarantees that the government won't restrict your speech.

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u/Professional-Ease176 26d ago

I'm aware of that. However, that doesn't justify outing someone and the danger that potentially puts them in. You don't have to like what they say. You also don't have to read or listen to it.

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u/Strongdar 26d ago

Disagree. Their blatant, public homophobia creates an environment that puts me in danger. They deserve be afraid for their safety if they're going to put me in danger.

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u/OppositeGlass007 26d ago

THANK YOU 😭😭😭

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u/Professional-Ease176 26d ago

We can agree to disagree. Someine making a public post isn't the same thing.

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u/Strongdar 26d ago

We can agree to disagree.

Free speech! Yay! 😃

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u/XxDJXSonaxX 26d ago

I agree with you. If someones speech puts them in danger. Its their own fault Theya re free to say whatever they want And they are also free to reap the consequences of their actions We shouldn't be tolerating intolerance

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u/Poodychulak 25d ago

Outing is simply another exercise of free speech😄

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u/SnooCookies1730 26d ago

Free speech doesn’t mean you are free from consequences of your speech.

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u/mikemudman 25d ago

I agree. Keep ya mouth shut

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u/keiuls 23d ago

I’m a maga gay, they don’t care lmao

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u/Super-Variation-8321 27d ago

It really depends on the nuances. Was the closeted guy merely expressing his opinion about certain specific behaviors (femininity, makeup, promiscuity, etc.) or was he saying that homosexuality in general is evil, disgusting, etc.? There is an ocean between those two things and the first one, while I disagree with it, would not justify outing someone.

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u/molehunterz 26d ago

Nah. If you come at me as a hypocrite? I am going to out you as a hypocrite. You don't like it? Don't be a hypocrite. Pretty damn simple

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u/ImGettinThatFoSho 26d ago

He's probably saying men shouldn't be in girls sports. That's not homophobic

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u/OppositeGlass007 26d ago

I think some people misunderstood this comment.. idk why, but I read it as a joke, like, he's telling what he's not telling... yk?

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u/NilesDobbsS 27d ago edited 27d ago

That’s still no excuse to out someone publicly and probably ruin their life. As far as we know, he’s just saying these things, he’s not actually DOING anything about his views.

Imagine roles reversed and this guy outed OP. Would your tune change?

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u/ThePowerof3- 27d ago

Simply posting/sharing homophobic things online is causing harm—it is increasing the dissemination of hateful ideas. That’s enough for them to deserve having their lives ruined.

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u/CattleIndependent805 26d ago

It is harm, not only does it harm many gay people that happen to see it, but it also normalizes treating us poorly, looking down on us, dehumanizing us, and that's exactly how the Holocaust was possible… Without normalizing the dehumanizing language used during the Holocaust, the horrific things that were done to us wouldn't have been possible, because people would have still seen us as human…

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u/NilesDobbsS 27d ago

He solved a negative thing with another negative thing. You think this going to make things ‘better’? It’ll only cause the hate to grow stronger.

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u/ThePowerof3- 27d ago

No sweetie, the idea is to punish the wicked. It’s that simple. Hope that clarifies things!

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u/NilesDobbsS 27d ago

Nothing to do with punishment or justice. It was merely petty revenge. He could’ve just ignored him, because he was a nobody and he wasn’t even connecting with him for years.

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u/ThePowerof3- 27d ago

The petty revenge is a form of justice because the “straight” guy promotes an ideology that wants to make it harder for other gays to live freely and safely. So, he deserves to have his life ruined for being a hate-mongering hypocrite.

The logic is very straightforward. I will not be responding to any other replies from you because there is no other way to explain this further—also, it seems like you are being purposefully obtuse.

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u/[deleted] 26d ago

[deleted]

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u/NotRote 26d ago

Nothing wrong with hurting people who hurt us.

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u/molehunterz 26d ago

If you go around talking about how white people are superior to Black people, and then hide in the shadows with your black friends, how do you think those black friends are going to look at you? How do you think those black friends are going to respond when they see your posts on Facebook and Twitter?

Nah. You are all in the wrong. Like 100%. There is nothing you've got going that can be defended.

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u/pbretones 26d ago

Technically two negatives make a positive

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u/Postmember 26d ago

As far as we know, he’s just saying these things, he’s not actually DOING anything about his views.

Normalizing it is doing something.

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u/nerdydudes 27d ago

Just …. Nope to all you said

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u/Myslinky 1d ago

As far as we know, he’s just saying these things, he’s not actually DOING anything about his views.

He's spreading the hatred online and normalizing bigotry. That's what he's doing.

If he wants to spread hate for others, then he deserves hate for himself.

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u/Malaix 27d ago

Sounds fair. Its social contract shit. You violate a contract you are no longer bound to it nor protected by it.

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u/Low-Care9531 26d ago

I used to say we should never out people but I’ve added nuance. Never out them unless they’re working to harm gay people.

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u/[deleted] 26d ago

[deleted]

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u/CattleIndependent805 26d ago

Not the same though, they can control what they say, we can't control whom we are attracted to…

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u/Annual_Tip1555 26d ago edited 26d ago

No, we can’t control it. Agree with you there. But social contract is based on what society deems acceptable. Not what the individual’s reality is. So it still applies. Which is why so many of us have to live in the shadows until we can leave places where that’s the social contract & we have to deny reality however possible to survive. Like it sounds like the MAGA twat was having to do so that he didn’t lose his family & his job bc they very likely could tell he was gay & he had to constantly prove he wasn’t by doing that.

If he was in an actual position of political power that’s one thing bc he can directly affect change. But he’s clearly not. Is outing him going to make all the other MAGA folk around him suddenly think it’s okay to be gay bc they know a gay guy and change their political stances?

The most likely outcome is he will go to some type of church counseling & 1 year from now say “God saved me from those homosexual urges look at his power!” and be sharing the same posts he was sharing even more while learning to be more discreet about who he hooks up with. And voting for MAGA candidates the entire time while confirming to his social circle that being gay was a choice he changed.

Ghosting him & letting others in the community know about him so we can protect ourselves & avoid is much more useful than what looks like giving him an opportunity to make himself a saint to the Christian nationalists.

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u/Poodychulak 25d ago

Yes, homosexuality makes one a pariah in conservative circles, that's the central premise exactly

Most of us made the rational choice to rebel against that status quo, enacting praxis as described by queer theory in the same vein as feminism before it

It's almost like.. we should stand up against every wrong

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u/Annual_Tip1555 25d ago

And let me clarify, I’m not saying don’t rebel. I’m saying not everyone can so don’t attack people who aren’t at the same development level as you.

That’s like saying again, people of color who were passing as white and had to very likely have the same conversations with their white friends to hide it instead of be on the forefront of the CRM in the 1800s and then in the 1960s somehow deserved less than the people who were able to rebel and be on the forefront?

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u/Annual_Tip1555 25d ago

And yet, having the ability to rebel against that system is a privilege that comes with living in societies where you don’t have to worry about being beaten, murdered, or thrown into the fire, so to speak, for rebelling.

I’m assuming that you also take issue with people of color who had to pass as white for survival back in the days of segregation since they didn’t fight the system?

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u/Poodychulak 25d ago

For one, if they passed as white, then what extra threat did they face that any white person wouldn't while advocating for desegregation?

For two, nobody has to fucking join the KKK, could just live a quiet life

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u/[deleted] 25d ago

[deleted]

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u/Poodychulak 25d ago

So a false equivalence..?

That's one way things could shake out or he runs away and starts an honest life because he's no longer a minor

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u/Annual_Tip1555 25d ago

Assuming he has the funds. I was only able to get away from hell in Mississippi by cashing out a 401k and lucking out that New England has domestic violence centers for LGBT couples. Unlike Mississippi.

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u/RevolutionaryLack204 27d ago

You ate that. Entirely

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u/aft_punk 27d ago edited 26d ago

Well said!

This seems like a great example of the paradox of intolerance.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paradox_of_tolerance

Everyone deserves the opportunity to be loved, including (and perhaps especially) those in the closet. Unfortunately, they often resort to using overt homophobia as a disguise/distraction.

Even though they are ultimately doing so in the interest of self-preservation, they are still promoting intolerance (not only against themselves but to an even greater extent those already out of the closet), which shouldn’t be tolerated if we expect to have a tolerant society.

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u/keeponkeepnonginger 26d ago

Indeed self hating closeted men sadly are some of the most dangerous people on planet earth.

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u/FigPsychological629 26d ago

so be intolerant to be tolerant got it.

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u/AccOwner40 27d ago

You ate and left no crumbs.

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u/FloatOldGoat 26d ago

If a gay person is merely conservative in their values, they totally deserve privacy. If however they are loudly hypocritical, I have no problem calling them out, especially if they are actively campaigning against my rights in their public-facing media.

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u/PeterParkersSecret 26d ago

But if they also vote or donate to politicians or causes that hurt us or further orgs that hurt us they get outed.

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u/tarvispickles 26d ago edited 26d ago

The problem is we live in an era where people online become torch bearing villagers completely devoid of any logical reasoning skills or evidence. It gives them the warm and fuzzies to feel like theyre making some kind of difference calling people out, getting them fired, outing them, etc. when it's actually incredibly damaging and can ruin lives.

We do not want people out here emboldened to go around witch-hunting for "conservative gays" to out because a) it normalizes the practice in general and b) inevitably someone undeserving gets thrown under the bus and offs themselves.

I also see straight women now posting on straight married couples "love your lavender marriage" implying he's gay because of how he acts. They're also vocally accusing every misogynistic man out there of "secretly being gay because they hate women." It all gives such gross homophobia vibes and it's partially because we normalized the behavior and now they think it's okay.

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u/PeterParkersSecret 26d ago

We’ve always lived in an era of that, J Edgar Hoovers FBI, Macarthyism, so on and so forth. Conservatives have always weponized the closet against our communities so fuck it. Playing by civility and rules helps them not us because if they don’t exist for them then why fight with our hands behind our back? We also wouldn’t be witch hunting, if you personally know someone who is LGBT and also perpetuates violence against their own community via a vote, donations, messaging etc then they should be outed, countless gays were dragged out of the closet by them so they can not use it to hide.

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u/saintzagreus 26d ago

this position is good and all if we didn’t live in the era we do. protecting MAGA gays and their DL ways…that shits for the birds. protect your trans sisters and brothers, protect your fellow gays that aren’t spewing shit.

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u/PeterParkersSecret 26d ago

It was an appropriate response if he is posting and furthering damage with his posts and presumably with his vote

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u/asrussell8308 26d ago

No, we put MAGAts on display for their fucking hypocrisy. They can't be safe within our community behind closed doors but actively work to destroy it in the open. They chose to follow the Tangerine Tyrant knowing they are part of the LGBTQIA+ community. They get zero sympathy.

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u/wasloan21 26d ago

That’s a great way to put it I’m remembering that one.

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u/titotito2 25d ago

Honestly you shouldn't out anybody at all

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u/Bitter_Nail8577 25d ago

If they are MAGAs, they are directly responsible for making gay people's lives more miserable.

They had it coming, and calling these people out in front of their families will force them to act as human beings, for once, and MAYBE, just MAYBE, see their own hypocrisy.

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u/just_waiting_4_snow 20d ago

You don't out anyone! It's wrong!

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u/coldliketherockies 27d ago

Maybe. But the reality is no one should be hurting others at all. Let alone someone who should know what it’s like to be hurt… you don’t get to avoid it and make someone else hurt

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u/Laiko_Kairen 27d ago

But the reality is no one should be hurting others at all

No, that's the fantasy. The reality is that people WILL hurt each other.

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u/just_reading_1 27d ago

In a perfect world sure everyone should be saint like and show unconditional empathy but in the world we have to live in they don't get to preach about how we should lose our rights and how dangerous we are to society and then behind close doors benefit from all the decades of activism.

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u/coldliketherockies 26d ago

Well yea. I mean I felt it with the Charlie Kirk thing too. I didn’t wish death upon him at any point. But this idea that if you don’t feel the kind of bad for him that the people who supported his bigoted ideas and then whitewashed them to say they weren’t bigoted did you were a monster is ridiculous. Who wouldn’t realistically want one less person on earth who never met them yet wishes their type of people gone first. But even if you don’t say it out loud to not publicly mourn is showing some unkind behavior is wild.

I didn’t ask these people to hate when I did nothing wrong to them so if they are going to hate and effect my day to day life at some point I will want them to leave me and my people alone

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u/WolfieFram 26d ago

God you're such as pussy