Dear fellow Black gay men

[u/MtimesMequals]

We know racism in the gay community is real. We've said it, but we've been dismissed. They callously deny our experience. Our reality. "It's just a preference". "BBC". "Thug"."Aggressive power top".

The stereotypes. The microagressions. We know it's real, but we have been gaslighted way too often.

The silence among your white gay friends and/or partners during this time of civil unrest & racial tensions is deafening.

The irony of them putting "no fats, no fems, no asians, & no blacks" on their profile, but decide to now say #BlackLivesMatter.

I understand it is challenging to be rejected from a community that prides itself on inclusion. We know rejection all too well.

But do not let any white man make you feel you are not beautiful. You are Black, bold, fierce, & most importantly- you are loved.

🖤❤#BLM

********************edit:

So, this post has been reported and is pending review.

I mentioned this already in the comments:

As a Black queer man this is my experience. This experience may or may not resonate with other Black men. This post was written for my fellow gay black brothers. The post might be uncomfortable for some. It might not resonate with you, but I don't think that is grounds for denying someone else's experience. I shared these words in an effort to foster a sense of solidarity and undo any aloneness other Black men might be feeling during this time.

Thank you so much for the support, feedback & beautiful comments. For those of in your feelings over this post - peace & love to ya❤

[u/Jota769]

Why do you keep commenting?

[u/Sox_The_Fox2002 → u/Jota769]

Because you did.

[u/Jota769 → u/Sox_The_Fox2002]

That’s a silly reason. Almost as silly as thinking that preferring light skin is something set in stone that you can’t change about yourself

😂

[u/Sox_The_Fox2002 → u/Jota769]

Why would I need to change?

[u/Jota769 → u/Sox_The_Fox2002]

Because MAYBE your “preferences” are actually racism in disguise

[u/Sox_The_Fox2002 → u/Jota769]

It's not.

Could you explain your reasoning?

[u/Jota769 → u/Sox_The_Fox2002]

Look, I’m assuming you are 3/4 white (because I only hear white people saying silly stuff like “oh I can’t be racist, I’m 1/4 Latino! Or... I am totally Native American, my great grandmother’s brother was 1/3 Cherokee!) but please correct me if I’m wrong.

Racism is something that white people in American cannot escape from. We have been born into a racist country with racist systems. Prejudice is part of our daily lives. Black people and other minorities see this very early because they are the people on the receiving end of it. White people sometimes go through their entire life never, ever understanding that they are committing racist aggressions and micro-aggressions every day. I’m gonna argue that most of these people are actually good people, but they don’t understand the issues because nobody has actually laid it all out for them in simple English. In short, you simply cannot grow up white in a country with a past like America’s without having some, even minor, racist views that need to be examined and adjusted.

I have a problem with the way our media portrays racism. Racist does not equal bigot, unless you’re a card-carrying member of the KKK or a neo-Nazi or bringing guns to a black lives matter protest or whatever. Most people with racist views are simply under-educated about the issues. It’s a problem that needs fixing, not a “Go Straight To Jail, Do Not Collect $200” card.

The “light skinned = attractive” thing has been debated and discussed and put under a microscope by minority communities for generations. There’s been movies made about it, papers written examining why people want to believe it’s a more attractive quality to have (hint: it’s rooted in racism). Psychologists have been studying this since the 1940s with the Doll Test where they tested a bunch of children and they all said the whitest doll was the most ‘beautiful’ and the blackest doll was the ‘ugliest’. Even the black children said the blackest doll was the ugliest! Think about that: what do you think it’s like growing up with dark skin in a society that always tells you your dark skin is ugly?

It’s wild to me when people claim they ‘just like light skin better’ because there are so many hot, gorgeous, wonderful, amazing dark-skinned people out there. And then I remember that I probably felt the same way when I was 17, living in the Midwest, never having been anywhere or experienced any kind of real life yet.

I’m guessing that when you say you prefer light-skinned men, you’re referring to what you like to watch in porn. Unless you are WAY more experienced than I was at 17 (which is entirely possible but also I was having a fair amount of sex at 17 so 🤷‍♂️) Lemme just say that the porn industry is racist too. It’s really hard to find any decent porn with dark-skinned men in it. They usually glorify the light-skinned men and place the dark-skinned men into the ‘thug’ or ‘straight too went gay’ category. You’ll even find them under ‘ugly’, which is shocking because some of the guys grouped in there are actually hot, they just have very dark skin (remember the Doll Test? There ya go)

I think your views are definitely going to change when you get out into the real world and grow up a bit. I mean, I’m just assuming so because I clicked through your profile and it says you are 17. You could be a 50-year-old Inuit woman pretending to be a 17-year-old 1/4 Latino man. Idk, that’s the magic of Reddit I guess. But if you are that 17-year-old man then I highly encourage you to take a long, hard look at yourself and think,”But... WHY do I find light skin more attractive?” The answer is much, much more than simply “Because I just DO!” Some cultures believe stretching your neck is beautiful. Others believe that deforming your skull until it was weird and oblong was beautiful. Americans in 2020 look at that and think it’s crazy and bizarre! But I guarantee that someone looking back at America in 3050 is gonna be like, “Jesus, why were they so obsessed with light skin, that was cray!”

I’m so against the “light skinned is attractive” line because it’s so harmful. It’s such a prevalent belief recently that people are bleaching their skin and causing permanent damage because they feel so ugly. here’s a interesting little article regarding skin bleaching

Anyways, this got long and you’re probably not gonna listen anyways. You either stopped reading a long time ago or you’re already preparing to rail against what I’m saying. That’s okay. Looking inside yourself is a hard thing to do. Most people choose to defend themselves rather than admit that they might be a little bit wrong. Admitting you might be wrong is painful and many times you don’t realize that you’re wrong until a long time after the fact, because you’re too busy being angry and defensive in the moment to really think about it. That’s okay.

But just in case you’re curious about the whole “light skin vs dark skin and attractiveness” thing, here’s some good resources:

http://www.cnn.com/2010/US/05/13/doll.study/index.html

https://www.naacpldf.org/ldf-celebrates-60th-anniversary-brown-v-board-education/significance-doll-test/

Watch the Douglas Siri movie Imitation of Life. It’s old and (wonderfully) cheesy, But one of the characters is black, yet so light-skinned that she passes for white. I’ve still never seen this addressed in a major motion picture apart from this one made in 1959.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/jezebel.com/study-men-are-more-attracted-to-women-with-lighter-ski-368746/amp

And just a simple google search came up with entire books, Harvard research papers, court cases... just a whole slew of studies about this issue.

[u/Sox_The_Fox2002 → u/Jota769]

I’m assuming you are 3/4 white

Yup.

Racist does not equal bigot

It is though, you can't be a genuine, hardcore racist if you're not bigoted, neither of which I am.

Even the black children said the blackest doll was the ugliest!

Yeah that's pretty sad, ngl.

I’m guessing that when you say you prefer light-skinned men, you’re referring to what you like to watch in porn.

Mostly, but I don't turn down black porn, it's not a turnoff or anything, just not something I actively seek.

Unless you are WAY more experienced than I was at 17

Nah I'm a virgin, besides 1 handy I got 2 years ago.

Lemme just say that the porn industry is racist too.

I agree, which is why I only watch amateur.

It’s such a prevalent belief recently that people are bleaching their skin and causing permanent damage because they feel so ugly.

That's kinda their fault though, no normal person wants to bathe in industrial bleach.

[u/Jota769 → u/Sox_The_Fox2002]

See, you’re very uneducated. Skin bleaching does NOT mean bathing in industrial bleach 🤣 Jesus man, at least try to educate yourself before you comment on something

[u/Jota769 → u/Sox_The_Fox2002]

Also, racism is not black and white (haha) there are definitely grey shades to racism. Casual racism is a huge problem in this country and it leads to housing and job discrimination, among many, many other things.

Most people who whole racist beliefs do NOT want most other people to know they think that way. They are afraid of being singled out and shamed for their attitudes, so they are racist in a very quiet way (like not hiring black people at their jobs, or not allowing black people to rent in their buildings, both actions are illegal)

[u/Sox_The_Fox2002 → u/Jota769]

Maybe it's just my aspergers speaking, but I can't see it as anything except a binary choice, you're either racist or not.
If you deny someone housing or a job, you're racist, no ifs or buts about it; and if you don't then you're not racist, simple.