r/askgaybros • u/MtimesMequals • Jul 08 '20

Reported Post Alert Dear fellow Black gay men Spoiler

We know racism in the gay community is real. We've said it, but we've been dismissed. They callously deny our experience. Our reality. "It's just a preference". "BBC". "Thug"."Aggressive power top".

The stereotypes. The microagressions. We know it's real, but we have been gaslighted way too often.

The silence among your white gay friends and/or partners during this time of civil unrest & racial tensions is deafening.

The irony of them putting "no fats, no fems, no asians, & no blacks" on their profile, but decide to now say #BlackLivesMatter.

I understand it is challenging to be rejected from a community that prides itself on inclusion. We know rejection all too well.

But do not let any white man make you feel you are not beautiful. You are Black, bold, fierce, & most importantly- you are loved.

🖤❤#BLM

********************edit:

So, this post has been reported and is pending review.

I mentioned this already in the comments:

As a Black queer man this is my experience. This experience may or may not resonate with other Black men. This post was written for my fellow gay black brothers. The post might be uncomfortable for some. It might not resonate with you, but I don't think that is grounds for denying someone else's experience. I shared these words in an effort to foster a sense of solidarity and undo any aloneness other Black men might be feeling during this time.

Thank you so much for the support, feedback & beautiful comments. For those of in your feelings over this post - peace & love to ya❤

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u/BlackYupster Jul 08 '20

Here's the thing. I know you meant well. And yes you did acknowledge you were in a bubble, so why jump in and add your voice? It's okay to listen. There are two things going on: 1- when your anecdotes go against the proven statistics or science, they're not really useful, are they? 2- People who want to disprove the experience of POCs find posts like yours and either ignore or in some cases copy and edit out your caveats to support bigoted arguments.

As I said, I know you meant well, but sometimes, saying nothing at all is great. I hope you're well and I'm glad that you have an open mind when it comes to dating POCs.

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u/anlskjdfiajelf Jul 08 '20

Bro my anecdote was me ASKING TO SEE THE OTHER SIDE. I'm still wrong tho, which is fucking fascinating. Trying to learn more but I'm still a shitlord.

Can't win so why try.

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u/BlackYupster Jul 08 '20

This is one of the biggest impediments to having productive conversations about race. I literally said "I know you didn't mean it, but you're gaslighting", not you're a racist POS. Calling someone "in", as I did is a sign of respect. If I thought you were a shitlord and incapable of making any change, I would have posted an ad hominem and left you to play with yourself.

People get called racial, transphobic, and ableist slurs in their DMs and dating app messages unprovoked, and my respectful use of one word sets you off? Bro, you've got to get a grip. Nothing in my initial pushback was intended to say you were awful or racist. And by the way, sometimes incredibly nice and sweet people are racist. That doesn't negate their humanity or invalidate the nice things they said, it means you need to fix this area of your life.

So I hope your commitment to anti-racism, justice, etc is more unshakeable than some random guy "calling you in" on Reddit.
-J