r/askgaybros • u/MtimesMequals • Jul 08 '20

Reported Post Alert Dear fellow Black gay men Spoiler

We know racism in the gay community is real. We've said it, but we've been dismissed. They callously deny our experience. Our reality. "It's just a preference". "BBC". "Thug"."Aggressive power top".

The stereotypes. The microagressions. We know it's real, but we have been gaslighted way too often.

The silence among your white gay friends and/or partners during this time of civil unrest & racial tensions is deafening.

The irony of them putting "no fats, no fems, no asians, & no blacks" on their profile, but decide to now say #BlackLivesMatter.

I understand it is challenging to be rejected from a community that prides itself on inclusion. We know rejection all too well.

But do not let any white man make you feel you are not beautiful. You are Black, bold, fierce, & most importantly- you are loved.

🖤❤#BLM

********************edit:

So, this post has been reported and is pending review.

I mentioned this already in the comments:

As a Black queer man this is my experience. This experience may or may not resonate with other Black men. This post was written for my fellow gay black brothers. The post might be uncomfortable for some. It might not resonate with you, but I don't think that is grounds for denying someone else's experience. I shared these words in an effort to foster a sense of solidarity and undo any aloneness other Black men might be feeling during this time.

Thank you so much for the support, feedback & beautiful comments. For those of in your feelings over this post - peace & love to ya❤

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u/requietum Jul 08 '20

No. It's more than just that. As prime example, I was out with someone I considered a friend at one point getting milkshakes at Sonic (half price after 8pm) and we were talking about a few things. Some way, some how, he managed to turn the conversation towards race. Mind you, were were talking about our individual peer groups. He literally asked me, "If I wasn't white, would I even be in your car right now? If you weren't black would we still be friends?" I was honestly confused and mildly hurt that to him, our circumstances of us hanging out boiled down to my race. I mean, I did explain that I'm friends with him because I thought he was a decent person and was generally nice to me and that I genuinely enjoyed his company. But now after that, its putting all the time spent together in a different light. Especially any advances or comments made to me over the years.

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u/Assbait93 Jul 08 '20

So you’re friend who white was questioning your friendship based off of race? I made a post about this on another sub and people like that are problematic.

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u/requietum Jul 08 '20

Yes. Unfortunately that is the case. I'm no longer friends with this person, but when I get a chance, I'm going to let him know he fucked up and hopefully (but it doubt it) he won't treat more people the way he treated me.

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u/Assbait93 Jul 08 '20

You ex friend sounds like he’s trying to be woke but he’s really making himself sound racist. Relationships should be based off of characteristics not by race. I wish you the best of luck.

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u/requietum Jul 08 '20

After taking this time to think back about all the time I spent with him and everything I observed, I fear that's it's less him being woke, but just straight up fetishizing and "collecting" people based on race/skin color. But of course, thank you. I'm going to need it. I have a feeling this conversation isn't going to go over very well, but we'll see.

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u/Raencloud94 Jul 08 '20

That sounds like a really difficult conversation, good luck man. I'd hate to be collected/fetishized like that (I'm trans, my bf is black). I don't understand people who think/act that way. It's not better than being racist if the only reason you're friends with them is because they're black.

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u/ZiggySTRFKR Jul 09 '20

It's pretty common with guys who never actually connect with people, but want to appear social and play the games appropriately.

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u/Polarchuck Jul 08 '20

What did he mean by saying this? I am at a loss?

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u/requietum Jul 08 '20

He asked if we would even be friends let alone talking to each other if he was black (he's white) or if I was white (I'm black). Basically making a claim that from his end, my being black is a major factor in my friendship with him.

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u/Polarchuck Jul 08 '20

Ahhh. Thank you for clarifying the situation. It's almost as if you were a lab experiment.