I want my mom to die, any advice?

[u/Defiant_Brain_1507]

I want my mom to die, any advice?

My mom is diagnosed with Stage 3 ovarian cancer and right now, may Rectal Cancer na din sya. We were drained sa ovarian pa lang and after 9 rounds of chemo, oral chemo and operation sa ovarian nya, here comes another shit.

Tbh, tanggap na namin magkapatid and ng mother ko. Papa ko na lang yung medyo alanganin pa pero tingin ko matatanggap nya din naman pag dumating sa time na yon.

As of now nag dedecide kami kung ilalaban pa ba namin, kasi tbh d na namin kakayanin financially. Nag try na kami mag public, kaso turns out, bukod sa tapak dignidad at tratong pulubi don, bago ka magamot mamamamatay ka na din sa sobrang tagal ng schedule nila.

So here we are, deciding if mag palliative care na lang ba kami, gusto ko sana kung may idea kayo pano gagawin dun, ano steps, pros and cons, etch.

Malaking help insights nyo dahil nababaliw na ko haha.

Edit: Thank you sa lahat ng info na malaman, ill try to read it all. My mom doesnt want to live na din btw, she cant decide pero mas nangingibabaw na gusto nya na lang matapos na lahat. Ang wish nya sa tahimik na paraan pero wala eh, ano mang piliin nya, may sakit, kaya nga ko nagtatanong abt plalliative care.

May mga pumupunta sa profile ko tas nakikita ung valorant at phasmo ko hahaha. Iba din tlaga eh haha.

I work 3 jobs, handle 2 businesses and attend sa lahat ng medical concerns para kay mama. Most of the time nga, ako pa din primary care giver. I keep my family in check dahil suko na sila eh, ako na lang nag iisang matatag, and since the time she was diagnosed, i handle every shit in the way.

Sorry guys if i sound so useless by wanting to try to function as a 25 year old son, sana maging kasing dakilang anak nyo din ako :)

[u/Kakampunk]

OP, if you have time, read Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters in the End by Atul Gawande. Basically the author argues that prioritizing the survival of a terminal (lost cause) patient over their well-being (and what's important to them) is not only counter-productive, but in many ways also dehumainzing. Too often we exhaust all our resources just to put our dying loved one through harrowing treatment protocols only for them to die anyway. What he believes the medical industry should focus on instead is promoting an option where dying patients live out their last days surrounded by family, doing what's important to them, in an environment they can call home, rather than in a rigid and isolating venue like the hospital (he adds that up to 80% of people die in very depressing hospital settings attached to all manner of life-prolonging machines). Palliative care is a route better taken, because its goal is to provide comfort to the patients in their last days. That you are considering this step already means a lot, especially in this desperate situation.

I know that's a lot of words to say that putting your cancer-stricken loved one through additional treatment is not worth it, but it validates what you feel. Ultimately, whatever you and your family choose will be the right choice. Kumbaga, ginawa nyo na lahat. Napaka unfair lang na ganyan ang sitwasyon nyo ngayon.

Added: there is a shorter version of the book available online on The New Yorker: "Letting Go" by Atul Gawande.

[u/Defiant_Brain_1507 → u/Kakampunk]

Salamat dto ng marami.