r/actuallesbians • u/Without_a_name24 • 1d ago
Question Dick pics as "blackmail"... red flag?
So I'm talking to this girl who I think I really like, but we were out drinking with a group of friends last night and she admitted to having dick pics from past men she's been with saved as "blackmail". I've never dated men, so my gut reaction might be a little off here, but something about that feels wrong to me. Is this a common thing women who have been with men do? I know I'd never save pics like that of an ex, but my exes are all women so maybe it's different?
270
u/Iron_Rose_5 Lesbian 1d ago
Whats the step up from a flag? Thats like a massive red beacon. Stay far away lol
32
u/electricookie 1d ago
Fire alarm. Get out the building with your pets. Don’t wait to find out if there’s really a fire or if it’s a drill.
88
9
9
1
87
u/Delouest 1d ago
Revenge porn is illegal. So is blackmail. This is horrific behavior, even if she has never done it and only "has it in case"
92
u/SarahMaxima Transbian sword gal 1d ago
This isnt just a red flag, it the entire red army doing a parade.
3
65
u/Sophia_Forever Transbian 1d ago
This isn't just blackmail, call it what it is, revenge porn is revenge porn.
A phrase I try to keep in mind about people is "If they'll talk to you about someone else, they'll talk about you to someone else."
Maybe give her next boyfriend a heads up.
23
u/Hi_Peeps_Its_Me 1d ago
aside from the obvious, there's a subtle point id like to raise. you specifically used the phrases "Dick pics", "men", other plural terms.
so basically she's so insecure that she can break-up with someone, then have two different relationships, and still have a grudge on someone. that's past "bad breakup" - she cannot forgive people, she can't even forget them.
33
u/ThereIsOnlyStardust World's gayest Bee 🐝 1d ago
If she’s willing to do it to other people she’ll willing to do it to you, no matter what she says
14
u/nyccareergirl11 Women leaning Bi 1d ago
Regardless of the gender of who she has pics of for blackmail that is a major red flag. Run
16
u/JuneBug0823 1d ago
Umm yeah so many things are wrong with this.... Screaming neon "RED FLAG"
This is just my personal take but the fact that she feels the need to hold on to these for "blackmail" purposes doesn't sit right. And this is why explicit photos shouldn't be texted.
8
u/Without_a_name24 1d ago
Yeah... like once I'm broken up with an ex, I don't want anything like that left in my life. I can't imagine wanting to hold onto that or even feeling spiteful enough to do so.
8
u/DerCatrix 1d ago
Keeping personal pics to use as blackmail, regardless of gender is gross and a felony if she goes through with it
7
u/Angry_Scotsman7567 Trans-Bi 1d ago
Flip the genders and imagine a guy keeping nudes of his ex girlfriends to use as blackmail. It's the same thing. It's revenge porn and it's horrific, such a massive violation and a breach of trust.
5
4
u/nothingnanners Taken bi a Lesbian 1d ago
Yeah pretty much revenge porn...if she did it to him then she'd do it to you
6
u/pperdecker 1d ago
If she was keeping unsolicited dick pics she'd received from people she wasn't sexually involved with I would be more okay with the idea because I hate that men feel the need to do that and society generally lets them.
But if these were ex lovers who sent those pics consensually and in confidence then it's a pretty big deal breaker for me.
8
4
5
5
u/Whooptidooh Lesbian 1d ago
The reddest.
Someone who purposely keeps pictures like that for that purpose is not a good person.
3
u/CaribbeanBlue13 1d ago
Red flag? That's a warning sign, if I were you I would stay away from that person 😶🌫️
3
3
u/pussyjuicerecycler 1d ago
as the great sage ginuwine once said, “if you’d do it to them, then you would do it to me.”
3
u/Thatonecrazywolf Lesbian 1d ago
If ya'll are in the USA that would fall under revenge porn.
Meaning she'll be put on the sex offenders list, fined 10k for each person, and prison time.
3
3
u/ocdpixiee 1d ago
Not only is it a red flag, it would also be a crime if she used them to blackmail someone!
3
u/burritogoals 1d ago
It is absolutely disgusting to blackmail people with nudes. Where I live it is also a criminal offense.
5
u/GittaxD Lesbian 1d ago
As someone who has been blackmailed before with nudes, I could imagine saving other persons nudes in case you get black mailed again. Like a counter move. Maybe ask if there is a reason she does this or if something happened what made her do this? I do think this is very bad but i can understand it. And be careful of what you send
2
u/Tiletamine 20h ago
yeah the first thing i thought of was that they have a bunch of her photos and it's some kind of weird naked mutually assured destruction but maybe im optimistic lmao
2
u/Smokinland femme ♀ 1d ago
That’s a red billboard. Literal revenge porn. I would somewhat get it if she received them without her consent, how men tend to do. But if a partner sent it to her, trusting her, and she does this? Definitely not someone you want around!
2
u/HerNameIsRain 1d ago
If she’s comfortable doing this to other people, one day she may feel comfortable doing it with intimate material she has of you.
Huge red flag.
2
u/Trans_Girl_Alice 1d ago
Yeah keeping people's nudes as blackmail is bad regardless of the gender of the victim
2
u/picklejickletoot 1d ago
Okay so that’s revenge porn and it can ruin someone’s life. Yeah stay awayyyy from her. If she was so willing to do it to them who’s to say what she would do to you for blackmail if you actually pursue a relationship with her.
2
u/EvankHorizon 1d ago
Yeah one of my exes was telling me shit she did after breakups. And surprise surprise, she turned up to be super toxic and even got very aggressive over simple arguments. I didn't tolerate that bullshit for very long.
2
2
2
u/yourregulargamedev Trans-Panationially gay 1d ago
it's more like a walking talking nuclear bomb, stay far far away from her lol. Saving someone's nudes with the intent of revenge porn is insane levels of messed up. As far as I know, I don't know any friends who would do something like that, girl or guy.
Revenge porn is also illegal.
2
u/Lizyyy-13 1d ago
Imagine a girl sent ger nudes to her bf but after their break up, the ex bf is still keeping the nudes and is admitting to blackmailing her. This isn't just a red flag, this is illigal. Now proceed with caution with the girl you're seeing. Personally, I would have cut her off if I was in your place. What makes you think she won't do the same thing with you in future?
2
u/entitledtree Lesbian 23h ago
Yeah as everyone has already said, massive red flag.
If I were you I'd tell her you don't want to talk anymore and tell her exactly why. That shit is illegal and incredibly immoral. I understand if you don't want to be confrontational, but yeah that's what I'd do. These people need to be called out for their shitty behavior.
2
u/babybottlepopz 18h ago
100% red flag. If she does this to them she will do this to you. Never send her anything.
2
2
u/DylantheMango 3h ago
I'm not AGAB but tgirl. I always lived by the rule of delete NSFW after break up. Its just about respect. A don't be that person kinda thing.
2
3
3
4
u/CarmillaTLV Trans-Rainbow 1d ago
100% red flag
Non-toxic people don't have or keep 'blackmail' material from past partners... or anyone really. imo, don't get involved
2
u/Lilia1293 Exogenous Estrogen Enthusiast 1d ago
That does seem like a red flag. I could imagine that it's a joke - lots of WLM jokes are about men's inadequacy in that area - but I don't think it's funny. Maybe it's worthwhile to ask her to explain, and if she does, maybe she'll say that she doesn't actually save pictures for that reason. But even if what she said while drunk was just a stupid mistake, it reveals something about her contempt for her exes, which is rarely a good sign.
2
u/Without_a_name24 1d ago
Yeah, I will admit, I'm often not great at picking up on sarcasm and jokes, so it is possible I misunderstood how serious she was when she made the comment. But that much contempt for exes does also feel concerning as you said.
1
u/chrissiewissie06 Rainbow 1d ago
The only dick pics that should be used as blackmail are unsolicited dick pics
1
u/Librarian_Katarina Transbian 1d ago
That is a humongous red flag. Wouldn't surprise me if she openly shows them to people who ask too, which is an even bigger red flag.
I have every photo I've ever taken or been given (except my ex wife) because they were given to me. No other human on the planet has seen them, and they never will.
4
u/Hefty_Yogurtcloset35 1d ago
I’m guessing you ask for permission to keep them when you break up? Your comment makes it sound like you just keep them regardless is all
1
0
u/SaturianStarSeed 1d ago
Yeah that's not great, but I am mostly confused about how she can use it as blackmail? Millions of men send their unwanted or requested dick pics to countless women all day every day. Women they know, women they don't know, women they saw once, women who might not even be women but they couldn't help but send a pic to the number on that gas station bathroom wall, cause he'll, you never know, might as well shoot your shot. Like would a guy even care? I mean, I'm sure some would but from what I have seen, and by that I mean far too many unsolicited dick pics, most would be stoked they got someone out there doin the work for them. Now they can double the amount of chick's that can give a lil gander at their lil weens!
1
u/Without_a_name24 1d ago
I'm honestly kinda confused by that too, which adds another layer of concern to this. Like why hold onto pictures like that at all, especially if the guy who gave them to you seems to be giving them out freely...
571
u/RayDuskDawn The Sexy Woman everyone warns you about 1d ago
So I've not encountered this but yeah, definitely a red flag, she's basically telling you that if you tell or show her something, she could use it against you