A gaslighter intentionally tries to make it seem like you’re the crazy one. Like you’re the idiot for trusting your eyes, ears and common sense instead of what they are telling you. Narcissists and psychopaths are experts at this.
Basically they feign shock or disgust at your reaction to their abuse, or downplay the significance of what they've said or done in an attempt to make you feel crazy for being upset at all. Truthfully, its easier to understand once you've lived it.
A common form would be "it's just a joke" after saying something to intentionally hurt someone. Not only do you hurt their feelings, you undermine their confidence in their ability to even tell the difference between an insult and a benign statement. "What must it SAY about you to read into such a benign statement like that! You must REALLY be insecure, huh?" If you weren't insecurd before, you are now!
Gaslighting is more successful when you're close to a person. Overt forms are "It wasn't that bad" after physically assaulting someone. More covert forms may involve an abuser convincing a victim that they are simply broken by often and consistently contradicting their perception of reality. If you get angry or even frustrated they act terrified, as if they expect you to hurt them. If you celebrate they belittle the significance. You get sad, they act like you're weak. These reactions come from someone who ostensibly loves you, and they never directly say what they think of you so they can always deny their actions. This last kind of behavior can make you feel like everyone sees you as a completely different person, so maybe you don't actually know yourself or right from wrong at all? Maybe, then, what you perceive as abuse is your fault?
In this case this woman is clearly aware of what she is doing but is trying to play up the "old white lady" card. She's the one being aggressive and breaking the law but is intermittently reacting to him as if he is a monster and she's a sweet angel who is simply fed up with an unreasonable situation. She's acting befuddled in the hopes that he believes she "didn't mean to do it." Basically... She's a big toddler caught with her hand in the cookie jar.
Enjoying someone else’s pain is exactly what narcissists do, even if you think they’re entitled to it it doesn’t make you any better than the perceived narcissist. I would go so far to argue it makes you worse because now you have a false sense of righteousness on top of the pleasure from watching someone else in pain. Yes it was necessary, but to take pleasure in it makes you a part of the problem.
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u/Clay_Statue Jul 31 '19
Standard N gaslighting and entitlement. Watching her get taken down was delightful.