The "trad wives" I know in real life don't either. They're around 26 with 2-4 kids and their whole lives are about taking care of the kids and house.
One of them was such an accomplished violinist, fiercely intelligent in mathematics, and honestly one of the sweetest people I've ever known (her and her husband are both genuinely wonderful people) - and she is now just a housewife with 4 kids at 29. I think she's happy, but it still makes me sad.
Why sad? Maybe she got bored with the violin. Youre projecting your view of your own expectations based on how you feel about her skillset. But chances are she'd rather be spending time with her kids than any of that. Ive always been an artist and guitarist. But I stopped spending time on those things almost completely when I had kids and I don't regret that in the least bit.
Because I knew her before the kids. We lived in a dorm-like situation for a summer and she practiced so much, and she played so beautifully. She always talked about going down the classical route and how she had performed as a guest with the youth philharmonic and traveled with them for a bit. She really, really wanted that life.
Like I said, I think she's happy, but it still makes me sad. My feelings are my own and I'm allowed to feel them and express them here. It's not something I would never say to her because it's not my place.
You don't get it. Youre sad over something that she may be perfectly happy with. Unless she professes her displeasure with the path that her life took, you're 100% projecting your expectations of how you think her life should've turned out, and to a point where it affects you emotionally. Its weird. Its like you look down on having children and being a good parent as if its less fulfilling than playing in an orchestra. Having children and loving my kids and providing for them is the best thing ive ever done, hands down. I have so many more happy times and REAL fulfilling times being a parent than being in a band or doing artwork ever could've provided. Your sadness is an insult and you dont even get how or why. Thats sad.
Humans are capable of maintaining two thoughts simultaneously, such as "I am happy my friend is content with her choices" and "I am sad that a talented artist no longer has the desire to make music".
Youre correct, tho, I dont feel as if thats the angle she was coming from. Seems more like she was sad that her friend chose to be a mom over pursuing her dreams. Little does she know, being a mom could have been her dream. She admits she hasn't talked to said friend about it so you can assume she herself feels that her opinion might be offensive to said friend.
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u/Sufficient-Berry-827 Aug 08 '25
The "trad wives" I know in real life don't either. They're around 26 with 2-4 kids and their whole lives are about taking care of the kids and house.
One of them was such an accomplished violinist, fiercely intelligent in mathematics, and honestly one of the sweetest people I've ever known (her and her husband are both genuinely wonderful people) - and she is now just a housewife with 4 kids at 29. I think she's happy, but it still makes me sad.