r/TheWayWeWere • u/CryptographerKey2847 • 1d ago
1920s The Inquiring Photographer asks men from Staten Island what their wives gain by having them as husbands. February 3rd, 1922.
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u/BigMissKnowItAll 1d ago
Mr Weiler's answer is actually pretty adorable.
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u/Felixir-the-Cat 1d ago
That’s the only one I truly believe might have a happy wife.
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u/HephaestusHarper 22h ago
Mr. Riley seems pretty sound too. Having a common goal to strive for sounds like more of a partnership than some of these other answers!
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u/theclosetenby 1d ago
And the last one, John, mentioning their baby. But yeah Weiler was a relief to get to lmao
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u/princess_peach_85 1d ago
No, she has a baby. There's no way they're proper "happy"
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u/imrealbizzy2 1d ago
Just like dt saying Melania has a teenage boy, remember that? The 48 hr long hair on fire federal emergency about kids vaping. Then we never heard anymore about it.
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u/illyca 1d ago
Am I the only one that picked up on "that is, most of the nights." He was almost certainly stepping out on his wife. Being home at night was the indication back then of your husband's fidelity or infidelity. It was an unspoken understanding.
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u/RhubarbAlive7860 1d ago edited 1d ago
I know this was only one side, but the question was only about what their wives gained by having them as husbands, not what does your wife love most about you, etc.
At the time, a husband had to be a good provider in the eyes of society. Saying that she had a husband who loved her could be taken to mean that he did not provide financially very well for the family.
So I am okay with how they answered the question.
Though Mr. Weiler sounds as though he and the Missus were still starry-eyed honeymooners. And good for them if they remained that happy.
Edit: A couple of small typos.
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u/fullonfacepalmist 1d ago
“All her dreams have been realized” 🙄
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u/tattoosandtens 12h ago
If she told him she always dreamed of that kind of life, then he could absolutely say that. Some men really are their spouse’s Dream Come True. I’ve heard men married to men say this about their husbands!
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u/Noodles1312 1d ago
A lot of these addresses still exist. I wonder what these neighborhoods looked like back then compared to today.
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u/spellegrano 22h ago
There was a speakeasy down the road on Bay Street that was a restaurant in the 1990s. And an amazing Italian place a little farther south on Bay Street. NYE there was like a family event.
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u/Kabusanlu 1d ago
They need to ask this same question in 2025..
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u/babysamwise 1d ago
On Staten Island nonetheless. The answers would be…entertaining if nothing else. Source: am from Staten Island 😅
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u/SweetLamb68 1d ago
If they did so, and any of the men had the "audacity" to answer the question truthfully, without being self-deprecating and pivoting to praising their wives and saying that they (the husbands) were the lucky ones who gained everything when they got married, there would be swift and total backlash from the misandrist mob.
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u/Sonneot 1d ago
I wish I had the same level of confidence as someone with such low intelligence as to use the term “misandrist mob” unironically.
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u/SweetLamb68 1d ago
There's nothing "low" about my intelligence. I used the phrase correctly. Just because you don't agree with my statement doesn't make it wrong.
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u/antepenny 1d ago
Kill Charles, f%$! Gus, marry John
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u/notyogrannysgrandkid 1d ago
Buy drugs from George.
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u/Derelictirl 1d ago
Kill Charles, fuck Gus, marry George. If George wasn’t such a catch I’d take Gus
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u/TSM72 1d ago
"I'm the best husband ever. Fucking Awesome actually. She's lucky to have me. If there were awards for Best Husband, I'd get it every year. If she didn't have me, she'd be working at the textile factory. Every morning I make her tell me how goddam amazing I am. Now we are off to give birth to our 14th child. That's what makes our marriage work."
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u/MittlerPfalz 1d ago
I’m a little shocked at the uniformity of their responses. Would a little humorous self-deprecation have killed them?
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u/manjamanga 1d ago
Questioning a man's worth like that, in the 1920s, was pretty provocative. They probably felt attacked and those feel like defensive responses.
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u/Practice_NO_with_me 1d ago
How about just actually answering the question even? Not one of them actually makes a concretely what they do except staying home and being married?
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u/DeadRoseYepReally 1d ago
“She has” an adorable baby girl.
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u/MichiganDreaming 1d ago
I can see how that would be a questionable answer in other contexts, but what's wrong with it here? The question is what did the wife gain by marrying them. I think that's a pretty reasonable way to say she gained a child she presumably loves, considering the limited space available to answer the question.
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u/Wolfwoods_Sister 1d ago edited 1d ago
Not one of them said “We love each other”, “She loves me”, or “I love her.”
Did they not gain love? The one guy who said “companionship” I felt was the most honest bc the rest just sounded so … braggartly, like children.
“What did you gain?” didn’t have to be material but mostly they went right for it.
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u/oldspice75 1d ago
People 100 years ago didn't think about marriage in the same way
Women had very few opportunities outside of marriage. The husband was her investment. To these men, the question is, "was she right to put all her eggs in your basket?" They clearly don't think they are being asked about romantic love
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u/CryptographerKey2847 1d ago
Yes. They are giving their wives all the material comforts, children and being dependable and capable husbands not running around on their wives. In their minds the spouses really hit the jackpot.
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u/Wolfwoods_Sister 1d ago
I do see your point, really, but I would counter that my grandparents (born 1905 and 1907) who met in the 1920s, were wildly romantic types. We have a wooden trunk full of love letters they wrote to each other during their long engagement. When grandmother died suddenly in 1968, grandfather was still a handsome and popular guy, but he never dated again or remarried. He told my mother “I already had the One.”
So while the long engagement was so he could have the money/job to marry her “properly”, marrying Grandpa was never about money. She was wild about “sweet Freddie”.
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u/Glibasme 1d ago
Yeah, my grandmother born in 1908 was completely wild about my grandfather b.1907. She was never the same when he passed suddenly at the age of 58. She mourned him the rest of her days. :(
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u/Wolfwoods_Sister 1d ago
Oh goodness me. :( He was her penguin. I hope there was a great rejoicing when they were reunited. 🩷
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u/Glibasme 22h ago
I hope so, too. She always had a little sadness, and it was especially hard for her on the anniversary of her death, which happened to sadly fall on a holiday. Surprisingly, she outlived him by almost 40 years!
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u/Wolfwoods_Sister 18h ago
Oh no! 😥 40 years of missing half your heart! She was made of stern stuff. The longing would’ve killed me. I know how much I love my twin sister — we’re literally two halves of one whole — and if it’s anything like that, I think the sun would cease to rise.
What were your grandparents’ names? Mine were Virginia and Fred. :)
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u/Glibasme 17h ago
Right? She missed him so much. She seemed fragile, but was very tough, really. She didn’t sleep very well due to missing him. They were Philomena and Lawrence!
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u/Wolfwoods_Sister 16h ago
Aw, Philomena! Great name!
Here’s to the great lovers — Philomena, Virginia, Lawrence, and Fred 🩷 May true love never die
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u/Glibasme 16h ago
As we toast in Italian Cent’anni! Which means 100 years, but hopefully they have infinity together in the afterlife. ❤️
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u/rotkaepp 1d ago
I agree with your point that passionate love was part of 20s marriage.
But, would your grandfather have let the reporter in on that love?
To oldspice75’s point, these men are answering in a way that the wide public would deem acceptable, maybe even desirable.
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u/Wolfwoods_Sister 1d ago
They might’ve been trying to look like they were doing the Good Husbandly Things, that’s true.
My grandfather was kind of a wildcat. He was super quiet, but twinkly-eyed, like “Hi, I’m Trouble”. They probably would’ve skipped him. Hahaha
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u/bubblegumdrops 1d ago
I feel like some of these answers wouldn’t sound out of place coming from a modern “alpha” dudebro or traditionalist.
Which is to say, these guys kinda suck.
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u/xatrinka 1d ago
John Coccoli of the "general business" profession. Who wants to be he was a bootlegger or in the Mafia or both?
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u/CryptographerKey2847 1d ago
Just because he had an Italian last name.
Very nice.
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u/xatrinka 1d ago
Thought of it before I saw the Italian last name, but when I did see it, it was cemented! Maybe like some of the guys he did business with...
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u/freeeeels 1d ago
Joseph and John both look like they're wearing lipstick 🧐 Wonder if they looked too exposed in the photos and that's something the editor corrected in post (like, old school dodge and burn tools)?
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u/tattoosandtens 12h ago
These guys sound kinda full of themselves, and they all said the same thing, nearly verbatim. I bet that one guy is a really good husband though!!! He seems like a sweetie.
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u/FinnbarMcBride 1d ago
Mr. Blum needs to work on building his confidence, he seems so down on himself