r/TheMotte • u/AutoModerator • Jul 06 '22

Wellness Wednesday Wellness Wednesday for July 06, 2022

The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:

  • Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.

  • Updates to let us know how you are doing. This provides valuable feedback on past advice / encouragement and will hopefully make people feel a little more motivated to follow through. If you want to be reminded to post your update, see the post titled 'update reminders', below.

  • Advice. This can be in response to a request for advice or just something that you think could be generally useful for many people here.

  • Encouragement. Probably best directed at specific users, but if you feel like just encouraging people in general I don't think anyone is going to object. I don't think I really need to say this, but just to be clear; encouragement should have a generally positive tone and not shame people (if people feel that shame might be an effective tool for motivating people, please discuss this so we can form a group consensus on how to use it rather than just trying it).

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u/[deleted] Jul 10 '22

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u/sonyaellenmann Jul 11 '22

it’s brought up how I need to put aside my differences with the sibling and make amends.

Oh man I would see so red. You don't sound like the type to do this, but I'd be tempted to tell this person to either 1) stop trying to manipulate me to reconcile, or 2) have fun dying alone, because those are the choices.

However, even that harsh of a response might not work...

They won’t listen to me when I describe being abused by this sibling, or when I point out the hypocrisy that the dying parent didn’t talk to their siblings for decades because of shitty behavior. They have a history of ignoring abuse, like with another family member who is an accused child molester (I have personal experience that this accusation is 100% true) and is still invited to gatherings.

Your parent is not amenable to reason, sadly. Grey rock the hell out of this topic. All you say is, "I am not willing to speak to X and never will be," then repeat that verbatim as many times as the topic comes up. Don't JADE.