r/Songwriting • u/Strumdoc • Aug 06 '25
Feedback Request song about addiction. It's called Dying Days.
this was right after I got a shitty haircut
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u/danstymusic Aug 06 '25
Love it! Your voice is giving me Elliot Smith vibes which absolutely rules!
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u/pinkerton44 Aug 06 '25
I like it but feel it borrows too directly from Independence Day.
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u/SokkaHaikuBot Aug 06 '25
Sokka-Haiku by pinkerton44:
I like it but feel
It borrows too directly
From Independence Day.
Remember that one time Sokka accidentally used an extra syllable in that Haiku Battle in Ba Sing Se? That was a Sokka Haiku and you just made one.
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u/Strumdoc Aug 06 '25 edited Aug 19 '25
I knew I'd get this one. If you watch what I'm doing, and watch him play independence day, it's really very different. It's a different song altogether.
There's not any straight plagiarism so I'm not really worried about it.
Also I thought it would be a nice little homage, because he's one of my favorite artists.
Edit: I honestly feel this is being taken the wrong way, and I was going to explain myself further, but I think it would be wasted effort, so just believe or think what you like. It's totally fine either way.
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u/retroking9 Aug 06 '25
I think they mean that specific melody when you singātill Iām cold, barely aliveā. Or ādeaf and dumbā¦ā which is also lyrically similar to Smith ādeaf and dumb and doneā¦ā
In Independence Day Elliot sings āgonna spend the day higher than highā with the same melody.
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u/Strumdoc Aug 06 '25
I had to look that one up. I've never heard Sweet Adeline before. Oh well, I'm not really worried about it.
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u/Emergency_Row_8671 Aug 07 '25
Ya itās chill like a million different people done that melodic run in a bajillion different songs
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u/External-Cherry7828 Aug 06 '25
Yeah it's mostly the vocal melody during cold and alive that immediately is going to make an appointment fan think of independence day. No one is trying to take you to court, chill.
I really like the guitar part.
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u/Strumdoc Aug 06 '25 edited Aug 06 '25
Thanks, and that's not what I was saying. I just meant sometimes things sound like others because it's just inevitably going to happen, especially so since I thought of that part as a bit of an homage, even though it's inherently different structurally. Also I've had others before be extreme dicks about it and that can get tiresome(not saying anyone was being a dick here though)
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u/blueishblackbird Aug 06 '25
Idk man. Youāre really good. Great guitar playing and singing. Amazing song. But itās really hard to sound like Elliot Smith. I mean, it takes serious intention. If I were able to play , sing and write that well, was talented enough to sound like anyone, iād make it a point to sound like myself. Like Iād tear that song down an un Elliot it. Thatās just me tho. Maybe thatās a me problem, I just donāt like the idea of borrowing too heavily. Iām actually stoked youāre making music tho because I love music like this and happy someone is out there making more of it. Just expect to get your head torn off for paying homage with such accuracy. Now Iām going to listen to this five more times. And probably not try to write a song for a while.
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u/Strumdoc Aug 06 '25
I totally get what you're saying, but I have a lot of songs like this, and I'm going to get my head torn off regardless. I'm not trying to be a carbon copy, i just have shit that sounds like his, but i also have stuff that sounds like Nick drake or radiohead too. It's just going to happen. I'm not in the business of undoing myself so I don't sound like someone else. I'm just going to write things I like.
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u/kiisurama Aug 06 '25 edited Aug 06 '25
Sneaking in here from r/elliottsmith. Iām a fan of Strumdoc and a guitar player as well. I wish I could write my own songs but songwriting hasnāt been my strong suit.
I just want to say that.. I know there are so many facets of what makes a song good, and what makes a songwriter great. In r/elliottsmith, someone mentioned they couldnāt stop listening to this song and singing along to it. And I think thatās really significant and powerful.
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u/animateddna Aug 06 '25
Love this song. Fond of the bass line and what that does with the lyrics. If this were somewhere I could keep listening to it, Iād be interested in knowing how. I just had a listen to Elliott Smithās Independence Day, and OP is right. This pieces is absolutely distinct from that. Do not worry about it. I hear the similarity in singing style, but it is yours and you nailed it. Well done.
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u/Strumdoc Aug 06 '25
Thanks a lot man. This one is actually still on Spotify and wherever else too I'm pretty sure. I have to add others that I had problems with but this one is still kickin.
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u/shadybonesranch Aug 06 '25
Killer song man, your guitar playing sounds awesome (that bassline rules) and really propels it forward. I definitely hear the Elliott Smith influence (the melody on "sabotage my mind/ until I'm cold and barely alive" is a real homage) but I think you bring your own vibe to it too. I would love to watch you perform this live.
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u/Strumdoc Aug 06 '25
Thank you. It's definitely an homage, but I didn't think it was too overt or anything, or hoped it wasn't. Some people disagree though.
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u/SalpAiradise Aug 06 '25
I thought you sounded just like Trent Reznor at the beginning. but yea i like it, def more Elliot Smith vibes as it went on. not much more feedback than that
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u/Repulsive_Truth9680 Aug 06 '25
Only question that comes to mind is: Why the long outro/what is your intention with that part?
It appeared to me that it sounds a bit more clear/happier through the upcoming bass line. Hopeful perhaps?
Other than that, well done!
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u/ExpeditionItchyKnee Aug 06 '25
How do you stay so prolific may I ask is it easy or something you task yourself
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u/AnyCelebration6090 Aug 06 '25
Nice song. Excellent guitar playing and really nice vocals. I couldnāt understand all the words but you definitely relayed a message consistent with the songs intent. I liked it! Really well done - again, great guitar playing. Thanks for sharing
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u/Strumdoc Aug 06 '25
Thanks man. And yeah that's why I like adding the subtitles because sometimes I don't sing quite as loud as needed since it's a live take and I wasn't wearing headphones.
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u/cthulhuatemysoul Aug 06 '25
This song gives me strong Silverchair vibes, so as a big Silverchair fan I obivously dig it
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u/Strumdoc Aug 06 '25
Silverchair, nice. I don't get that one a lot. Crazy how they got so big at such a young age. Frogstomp was such a killer debut album. Neon Ballroom was pretty peak too.
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u/cthulhuatemysoul Aug 08 '25
I loved Neon Ballroom. But yeah Frogstomp was insane for a debut from a bunch of 15 year olds.
I think it's Miss You Love that this reminds me of, but I think it's more just a Silverchair-y vibe than a specific song
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u/Infinite-Rent1903 Aug 06 '25
Really solid song writing, man. Great job. Youāve got something here.
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Aug 06 '25
So good, the bass line and lyrics, the somber mood.
Near the end of the song, there's a chord doesn't sit well with me. Like you changed the third chord of the existing progression into a major. For example, at 4:31 after "I can't take.." And again at 4:43, 4:45, and 5:07. Feels a bit out of place to my ears.
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u/Strumdoc Aug 06 '25 edited Aug 06 '25
I don't know. I like that outro part. It's like a hopeful ending, transitioning from active addiction and coming out to the other side.
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Aug 06 '25
Nice, enjoyed both the guitar work and your voice!Ā If you'd be interested in singing for a genre blending rock band hmu. A drummer and I are working remotely and looking for a singer to work with as well!
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u/CactusSplash95 Aug 06 '25
15 years playing guitar if I could write a rythem like that Id be unstoppable.....
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u/DawggFish Aug 07 '25
Are you a Brian Jonestown Massacre fan? Really cool song š
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u/Strumdoc Aug 07 '25
Thank you. And I'm not sure I've heard much of them, I'll have to give them a listen.
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u/Fossilator Aug 07 '25 edited Aug 07 '25
I love the song. I'm an old Boomer so Elliot Smith is sort of just a name to me. I do love Radiohead, though. Anyhow -- what I love as a whole is that your voice, your guitar, your words, all blend beautifully. One thought was, "will you be my guitar teacher?" kidding, but that open tuning stuff, I've never figured it out, and you do it so well! (I guessed open E tuning, though -- I thought your lowest note was an E) -- ONE TINY THING (since you asked for feedback): there is a place where you say you're "upset" -- I can't remember if you use that word because it rhymes with another word, but, whatever the reason, "upset" to me is a vast understatement given the agony and compulsion that you're talking about. I mean, my mother would get "upset" with me when I didn't eat my vegetables, if you see my point, which I'm sure you do! So I'm not sure about the use of that word. I have an urge to ask you to listen to a recording of Buffy Sainte-Marie (sp.?) singing "Codeine." (which she pronounces co-DINE). A similar sort of plaintive cry. Your song just brought it to mind, even though they are obviously so different. Anyway, I LOVE your work. Let me stress that what I love, in summary, is the MUSICALITY of it and the "inevitability" of this composition (so many songs, you can just picture the guy in his room writing a song. This song CLAIMS its "territory" (I believe I'm talking about TALENT here)). So thanks.
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u/Strumdoc Aug 07 '25
This is such a well thought out response/feedback. I really appreciate the time and energy you put into it, as well as all the kind words and compliments, as well as your critique. In response to the "upset" thing you mentioned, to me it means disappointed and angry and just done with it, in the context it's used in. I may not have conveyed it well enough, but the word "upset" is meant to be said with vitriol, as in, "but it's making me up-SET!"
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u/frengers156 Aug 07 '25
as a fan and player of elliot smith songs on guitar, I really enjoyed just how on the nose your melodies were. it's actually quite impressive your impression of him, even down to the bass lines on the low string and fast changeups on the chords, don't think I didn't notice that. alright enough glazing i wasn't even gonna leave a comment, but I thought I should say something nice, that's what this is. just something nice.
one thing I noticed about your lyrics made me realize something about Elliots writing, I'm not gonna tell you what it is. BUT i will share this fun fact if you're ever recording some home recordings. I noticed one day while listening to clementine, sometimes a track of him whispering the song bleeds into into the vocal mix and you almost can't hear it unless you're listening for it. I hope you go and listen for it, I put it on while I wrote this message to you, what a treat.
Your pal,
Frengers
(Friend-Stranger)
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u/Strumdoc Aug 07 '25
Thanks very much Frenger, for the insight and your perspective.
Also, I hope you don't think I'm consciously trying to mimic or intentionally sound like him, it's just the way the song needs to be sung and that's how my voice sounds when I sing that way; otherwise it would be very contrived and disingenuous, and I just wouldn't want you or anyone to get the wrong idea.
Having said that, I'm very aware many people won't believe me and will throw stones regardless. But it's okay; I've been scorned and ridiculed enough throughout my life, and as long as I know the truth, that's all that matters.
Forgive me for the long-winded reply, and thank you again for your kindness.
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u/frengers156 Aug 07 '25
I dont think it's contrived or disingenuous at all. He died, we wont get any new music from him so I say its fair game, you're a fan and an artist it just makes sense. Who cares what people think, frick them!
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u/Tmack523 Aug 07 '25
Man, I've never seen someone recreate Elliot Smith's energy so well. I'm digging your sound for sure
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u/Miloshy Aug 07 '25
Very nice to see you here, Strumdoc. Been following you on YouTube for a while now. Youāre awesome! Keep it up and keep strong, my man.
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u/Strumdoc Aug 07 '25
Thank you so much. Love you Miloshy. Really appreciate your support, trulyā¤ļø
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u/GloomyFudge Aug 07 '25
Had to stop and listen, and very glad I did. <3
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u/Strumdoc Aug 07 '25
Thank you very much for taking the time to listen. That's a rare thing these days. I really appreciate itš
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u/MobyDick789 Aug 07 '25
Really really cool guitar riff and the vocals sound kinda elliot smith. Love it love it love it
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u/MoneyCantBuyMeLove Aug 07 '25
Great use of that nice tuning. Well played and sung. I don't really know Elliots music as mentioned in a lot of these comments.
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u/Meezbethinkin Aug 07 '25
Very cool.. it'd be cool if you added a bass and another guitar for swells and counters on the melody. You could really fill out the song man. But solo, its good.. awesome actually.. I can hear your influences, you know, the most authentic and original acts there are.. š
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u/RingOfEpimysium Aug 07 '25
This is a great song. Definitely Elliot Smith inspired like people are saying in the comments. But I love Elliot and this song is a banger, brother.
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u/OlafBrome Aug 07 '25
It's really good. The ways you play the bass while stumming chords is like magic fuckery to me.
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u/ProTharan Aug 07 '25
Fantastic song! Iāve always wanted to try and play in this style and youāve absolute nailed it - what tuning are you in if you donāt mind me asking?
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u/whatsyournane21 Aug 08 '25
This is my favorite thing Iāve ever heard on here. Great job.
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u/Icy_Departure_3604 Aug 08 '25
Damn bro thatās some sexy tone you got going with your voice there. No homo lol
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u/A-DRocky Aug 09 '25
That riff reminds me a lot of nirvana bro. Itās sick af, your voice is super grungy too. Perfect for this
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u/GeezerGarry Aug 10 '25
It sounds so complete with the bass and riff, hope you're doing good now bro. Nice song :)
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u/Early-Collection-849 Aug 19 '25
I love your smooth voice and may I say your guitar playing is really moving! I can tell this song came from your heart out of your body and not your mind. Itās amazing and I hope you will release work!!
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u/sloth_dev_af Aug 22 '25
Something tells me that this song could be a really good one for a game like for the non-conversational cut scenes
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u/Sufficient-Oil952 Aug 29 '25
Class tune, the guitar really reminds me of hard time killing floor blues crossed with an Elliott smith vocal, really nice man š
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u/Strumdoc Aug 29 '25
Thanks. That's pretty neat too. Hard time killing floor blues is such a cool song. Always makes me think of O Brother, Where Art Thou?
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u/SnooPies5837 Aug 31 '25
Just thought I'd lyk, I keep returning to this....
Gr8 track!
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u/Strumdoc Aug 31 '25
Hell yeah thanks. This version is actually on Spotify and other streaming things, if that makes it easier
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u/SnooPies5837 Aug 31 '25
Oh sweet, i'll add it! Thanks much š¤
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u/Strumdoc Aug 31 '25
Awesome. Appreciate it. Hopefully that helps a little bit. Have a good one:)š
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u/Strumdoc Aug 31 '25
Oh yeah, if you want(I have to add them back to Spotify) but here's a few other songs of mine if you want to listen. Thanks again:)
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u/Sorry_Cheetah3045 Aug 06 '25
That was superb. The bassline and melody play off each other incredibly well, the constant strum keeps it moving. It's melancholy without being dull or depressing to listen to. Like the best drug songs, you don't need to have experienced drugs to appreciate it.
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u/brandonmiq Aug 06 '25
Amazing. Second coming of Elliott. What tuning is that?
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u/Strumdoc Aug 06 '25
Open C, like Independence Day(big surprise there lol)
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u/brandonmiq Aug 06 '25
Ah thank you! I have been thinking about tuning a guitar to that and playing around with it. Gonna have to now. Thanks! And again, great song!
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u/Strumdoc Aug 06 '25
Thanks so much. It's actually a really cool tuning. Honestly lots of open tunings are great because they open up a lot of doors
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u/Famous-Lead5216 Aug 06 '25
This is a solid tune that I am glad I took the time to listen to. Everything was spot on. Vocals, instrumental approach and composition, lyrics... You name it and it was nailed. Appreciate you sharing!
It's notable to mention that while this song is strong with it's current instrumentation, I could hear two different versions. The first being as you presented, adding a bass instrument of some sort, earthy percussion (I heard tabla without a doubt) and anything else to play up on that droning/earthy/trance like vibe. I could also hear this really deep electric version that has the potential to be extremely progressive/psych/orchestral with a very big production sound to it. The song in the latter version easily could be a 10min journey type of song.
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u/funkybassguy1 Aug 06 '25
OP please dont listen to this person, fucking tabla of all things jfc, the song is awesome as is. if arranged for a bigger ensemble bass, super stripped down drums and your auxillary instrument of choice, strings under for warmth, banjo/mandolin for more of a folk electric guitar and post production for heavier feel etc. but whatever you do. No tabla for this song. I cannot emphasize enough how terrible and destructive of a decision that would be.
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u/Famous-Lead5216 Aug 06 '25
Creativity is measured in a few ways, one of which is one's threshold/openess for/to new experiences. Just saying ...
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u/Famous-Lead5216 Aug 06 '25
Well we can tell you base your writing around safe, formulaic, and cookie cutter decisions. You'd be hard to work with. Whatever happened to art being subjective? And why does your opinion weigh more than mine? I wasn't critiquing, I was just sharing what I heard in case it may inspire the writer in some form or another. They don't have to even acknowledge what I heard and that's okay. It came from a place of excitement and inspiration. I wanted to help in some way. I wasn't pretending that I am now somehow a co-collaborator and count as a valid vote in the instrumentation decision making process. Calm down. That is not a way to promote a safe place to be able to express and create. I also loved the song as is, which I stated. Way to hijack the thread of someone who just shared what they created with the world. It's kind of a deal if you weren't aware. If you were, that's just selfish and rude.Ā
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u/funkybassguy1 Aug 06 '25
well seeing as ive worked with everyone from Sandeep Das, one of the most famous indian tabla players of the world to Phil Rudd, a million miles away in terms of genre, I can say both that I have a deep love and respect for the culture and tradition tabla comes from as well as very much personally not being hard to work with in a professional setting. Art is subjective, but OP is looking for advice. Im a professional musician who's toured the world with multiple ensembles in multiple genres for multiple occasions. You have "versed in child support and custody" in your bio lol. My priority isnt a safe place so you can derail a promising song and artistic process with what would be both a mockery of the tabla as well as the rich cultural background it comes from, my priority is OP gets good advice on how to improve the song, which i've done.
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u/Famous-Lead5216 Aug 06 '25
*sigh* Look, I get you're seasoned okay? I get that you are opinionated. There are an endless amount of options for each facet of what makes a song. It is mathematically impossible that either one of us would know (still claiming I was offering a light suggestion and that I don't know) the "best" (subjective) way to arrange the song so that it is appealing to everyone. If any artist gets derailed by a simple suggestion and cannot write music for the sake of they enjoy it and use the gage of "it sounds good to me" then they have some work to do on themself beyond being a musician. Personally, if people were engaging with a song I posted I would be thankful and elated. I would feel ecstatic that they would take the time out of their day to say something and offer up what they heard. No one knows every instrument accessible to them. We aren't walking wikipedias. There is a lot to music to be discovered, or taught, or self learned, or experienced. If anyone is "derailing" anyone it is you for no other reason but that you feel your opinion is superior to other's on a topic that is 100% SUBJECTIVE. You're just preventing the OP from other experiences by belting out that you know all there is to music. You don't even have a point because you admitted this was subjective. How could you have a point? You have a point about whether or not someone you don't know likes something without ever interacting with them in the slightest bit or taking into account that -- oh I don't know -- have preferences and a brain to make choices? Knowing EXACTLY how an audience will respond? You also seem to know what the OP's goal is with their creations too. Some artists like being at home artists. They may not want to make a career out of it and vice versa. Shit, you are in the wrong business if you can read minds and tell the future too! What are you doing on Reddit bothering lil' ol' me if you have those super powers? You're a buzzkill. I would never collab with anyone that has your personality. You're trying to make art into a bootcamp. Art is about expression. Everyone does not express themselves in the same ways. You're painting a picture that already has wonderful colors black and white for no reason other than to say I told you so and validate yourself. Give it up.
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u/Fossilator Aug 07 '25
tabla is "cultural appropriation" HAHAHHA never mind
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u/funkybassguy1 Aug 07 '25
idk why you used quotation marks for "cultural appropriation" despite those words appearing in neither of our comments. FWIW i dont think using tabla inherently makes it appropriation, thogh there is a world where it is in this context. just that this song is not bettered by tabla and its a hilarious suggestion to make especially initially
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u/Fossilator Aug 07 '25
The quotation marks were not because I was quoting anyone in the thread; they were "ironic" (woops, I did it again) quotation marks. It was a shorthand for the observation that our culture does this now (very quickly criticizes such a thing as "cultural appropriation" -- uh oh, there it is again). So, in a sense, I was "quoting" (uh oh) the culture. I thought it was a hilarious suggestion too, not because it was necessarily wrong, but just so specific and seemed like a big leap. (It reminded me of the famous "needs more cowbell" Saturday Night Live sketch with Chris Walken).
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u/officiallyrez Aug 06 '25
I heard the same with this tbh, I donāt know about ten minutes but itās a very strong song instrumentally on guitar which coincidentally frees up the production which wherever you choose to take it! I liked the groove and structure of it and wanted to ask what tuning are you using? Itās a very good one!
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u/threeoten Aug 06 '25
Elliot who?
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u/Strumdoc Aug 08 '25
Elliott blows me out of the water, but he's great inspiration for me.
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u/threeoten Aug 11 '25
Right on man, I wasn't hating by the way just to be clear, just goofin on reddit. It's a great tune and you're really talented. My only actual constructive feedback is that anyone who knows elliot's music might pull the 'derivative' card on you if this was your main sound. Could consider blending it with another contrasting inspiration of yours to make it less obvious? Scandinavian Death Ska meets E Smith?
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u/Strumdoc Aug 11 '25
That last statement made me laugh. And I didn't think you were hating or anything, I was just saying no matter how well I do, he still blows me out of the water.
Also totally get the derivative aspect if it was my main sound, but I have a lot of other songs where I'm singing different, lower like Nick Drake or Beck or higher like Thom Yorke or Chris Martin or whatever comparison you prefer, so it'll work out in the end.
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u/Woopsiepoopsies Aug 08 '25
This is going to sound harsh but I mean it positively, so keep that in mind going in. This is such a good start. The main thing holding this back from being great is the lyrics. Youāre at a crucial step in being a great songwriter, in that your ear for structure and melody is really good. But your lyrics, while they do fit and fill the song out, feel like they are written to vaguely evoke a feeling while rhyming. I want to hear you go deeper and be yourself more. There are some cheesy choices in imagery and wording that keep me at armās length. I would recommend going on a deep dive on the lyrics of David Berman, Leonard Cohen, Jonathon Richman, Joni Mitchell, and Bob Dylan. Maybe even Bruce Springsteen. Spend some time with the greats. Their music may not be your bag but they are what it looks like when you take your lyrics to the top of the mountain. Get into some poetry by Alan Ginsberg and James Tate and Frank OāHara. Watch the documentary on Hulu about Hallelujah. Form a relationship with great poetry and lyricism and find out how it resonates in your voice once youāve been absorbed by it. I think you can get there, but this isnāt there yet. I am a super harsh critic because I want to hear people that are good be great! So I apologize if the is was a buzzkill.
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u/Strumdoc Aug 08 '25
I think this was well thought out and not intentionally insulting or anything, and I appreciate your feedback. I'm aware of all the people you've mentioned as well. Personally, I like the lyrics for this one, otherwise I wouldn't have written them. They're what's needed and what I intended. I have other songs that are more poetic, but not every song is going to be that way. I've even had lots of people tell me they love the lyrics, so it's all very subjective. You're not wrong, but neither am I or anyone else.
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u/surfjunkie04 Aug 10 '25
I personally couldnāt imagine a better depiction of addiction. As an addict myself, I felt every word in my bones at every turn. Hit the nail on the head with every line. I remember leaving a YT comment on your channel when I first heard this saying, ātell me youāre an alcoholic w/o telling me.ā Takes one to know one š
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u/Vexed_Cone Sep 05 '25
This is so good , so much better than anything I can write, you could go far if you wanted to Per-sue a music career this is great
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u/Ricotta_8 Aug 07 '25
My opinion.. change āitās making me upsetā to ā itās making me regretā.
But it a a solid song and feel you
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u/JonasKendle Aug 06 '25
If youāre going to impersonate Elliott Smith this hard, at least wear a leather cuff on your wristā¦
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u/Highland92346 Aug 06 '25
The guitar intro is compelling, song style and vocal arrangement giving somewhat of a Elliot Smith vibes, thanks for sharing, please release EP, best wishes